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To get ex to pay me back?

(66 Posts)
DomesticDisgrace Sat 29-Mar-14 20:34:50

Myself and ex were together for 4 years, living together for 3 and having our DD after 2 years. In all this time, he never worked and any contributions made were tiny.

He did mind DD when I went back to work though so for a year and a half. In all this time I paid our rent, holidays, clothes, food, everything for DD etc. But always under the premise that we could switch roles eventually, when I was made redundant last summer instead of trying to find work he took to staying out drinking all night etc as he no longer had the responsibility of DD. I ended the relationship and he moved home (I had bought my home at this stage)
He paid fair maintenance every week (more than he would be obliged to if court ruled) and eventually found work too. During all of this we had many discussions about him paying me back (as we did during the relationship) and I brought it up today and he basically said he hoped I wouldn't want him to. After much discussion we said it's fair if he pays what half our rent was for two years, even though we lived together for longer than two years and I paid for an awful lot more than rent. This works out at 50 euro a week for 4 years and he has agreed but now that he has, I feel a bit guilty? AIBU?

Buckteethjeff Sat 29-Mar-14 20:37:13



edwinbear Sat 29-Mar-14 20:38:30

Are you going to repay him 50% of what would have been your childcare costs if he hadn't been taking care of your dd whilst you were at work?

HoldOnHoldOnSoldier Sat 29-Mar-14 20:38:36

You were living together as a family but now you have split up you want money from him? is that right? confused

RandomMess Sat 29-Mar-14 20:39:25

Are you going to pay him for looking after your dd whilst you went out to work?

SuperScrimper Sat 29-Mar-14 20:39:42

How weird!! If it was the other way around and you'd been a SAHM can you imagine paying him back for the rent after you broke up?

MiserableCowWhenUpTheDuff Sat 29-Mar-14 20:41:04

I think yabu... He was looking after your dd, which enabled you to work!

puntasticusername Sat 29-Mar-14 20:41:16

Is this a reverse or something?

CombineBananaFister Sat 29-Mar-14 20:43:06

Although he was irresponsible and didn't pull his weight financially he did provide childcare. Don't think you can keep tally of who paid what when you were in a partnership even if he didn't fulfill what you agreed originally.

Unless it was actual borrowed money for something and an actual debt, if he's pulling his weight now it's probably best to leave it.

CombineBananaFister Sat 29-Mar-14 20:43:42

I wondered about reverse AIBU too!!

scarffiend Sat 29-Mar-14 20:44:08

That's weird. Draw a line under it, you didn't have to pay for child care while you lived together so why should you recharge him rent for the same period,

Fairy1303 Sat 29-Mar-14 20:44:15

Sorry but I think YABU.
It was an agreement you had - you were a couple, he stayed at home, you worked, for whatever reason. You can't now decide that you want your money back. It doesn't work like that.

His obligation to you is to pay maintenance for your child. That's it.

itsmeitscathy Sat 29-Mar-14 20:45:18

I don't think YABU. He obviously agrees with you from his comments.

However, were you paying your mortgage (so not rent?) and he now is effectively back-paying his contribution? Because that seems a bit unfair now.

HoldOnHoldOnSoldier Sat 29-Mar-14 20:45:41

Unfortunately advanced search isn't working for me but your name is fresh is my head from one or two other threads which have stuck with me so Im not sure how to take this thread.

Bloodyteenagers Sat 29-Mar-14 20:46:54

So you own him around what, 150 a week over the 2 years.

WooWooOwl Sat 29-Mar-14 20:47:13


ThatOtherTime Sat 29-Mar-14 20:47:45

Completely bonkers!!!!!

Umm, there has to be more to this.

lunar1 Sat 29-Mar-14 20:47:46

YABU, I am a sahm but our finances are shared. As far as i know DH isnt compiling a spread sheet of my costs!

BananaBumps Sat 29-Mar-14 20:48:51

I think it's a reverse - the OP recently did the query about going to the cinema and she said her ex was very tight.

PorkPieandPickle Sat 29-Mar-14 20:49:03

I think yabu unless there is a massive backstory here. You worked he did childcare: he doesn't owe you anything! hmm

DomesticDisgrace Sat 29-Mar-14 20:49:39

blush nope this is real. I actually really thought I was well within my rights because we always agreed. No we were actually renting until just before we split so it wouldn't be towards my mortgage.
I understand he looked after DD and that's why I think only half the rent is fair and I'm happy to have paid all of our bills, food, holidays, days out, everything for DD etc. I don't think that just because he looked after his own daughter for 18 months should warrant not paying me back as was agreed a number of times?

MeepMeepVroooom Sat 29-Mar-14 20:50:07


WooWooOwl Sat 29-Mar-14 20:52:57

Why don't you invite him to invoice you for half the childcare cost if you want everything to be split equally money wise?

chattychattyboomba Sat 29-Mar-14 20:53:18

And grabby.

DomesticDisgrace Sat 29-Mar-14 20:53:23

God I'm mortified now, I don't want to be unfair but I just feel so hard done by

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