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About my mother helping painting a fence

(5 Posts)
BeigeBuffet Sat 29-Mar-14 20:31:31

Today I had to work, my DH has been painting the fence, it's taken ages and today my MIL offered to help, this was very welcome.

I spoke to my mother when I got to work so she knew I was out of the house, she said she was bored and could she come down to my house and clean for me or do my ironing (I am pregnant). I have always refused her help because it always comes with conditions and she has huge temper issues which means she goes into super rages with me. She is super critical of me and often makes me feel like my immaculate house is some kind of shit tip.

My mother decided that this answer wasn't good enough and to go over my head and phoned my DH behind my back, knowing I wouldn't be home and offer the same help. He didn't know about my earlier conversation but knows that I always refuse so did the same but let it slip that MIL was helping him today. My mother also suffers huge jealous rages and it's usually whenever we see DH's family (we try not to tell her now).

She then insisted she drive down and spent the day painting the fence.

It looks great, the help did mean that DH finished the job that he probably wouldn't have otherwise, both mums worked hard.

However am I being ungrateful and unreasonable to be annoyed that my mother came to the house?

I am just worried now when the next rage will be and what she will expect from me in order to thank her.

BornFreeButinChains Sat 29-Mar-14 20:34:36

I would leave it this time, thank her and tell your DH in future to say NO when she asks to help, as its more trouble than its worth.

deakymom Sat 29-Mar-14 20:34:39

sorry i would not tolerate this if my family demanded to help then expected me to grovel in gratitude i would say something next time she has a rage hang up the phone you're a grown up you are going to have a child you will have all the tantrums you need then xx

BornFreeButinChains Sat 29-Mar-14 20:35:11

FWIW I hate painting fences, although I love painted fences. So she did a good turn there grin

BeigeBuffet Sat 29-Mar-14 20:38:59

It did help and I'm so grateful to my DH and MIL because it's a boring job and they gave their time freely.

However with my mother it comes with so many conditions that I always refuse any help. She loves telling my family how much she does for me, even though I refuse absolutely all offers of help from her.

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