I'm getting quite sick of how my ILs treat my DH with regard to money.
A bit of back story - when I was pregnant a couple of years ago we lent MIL money. She had about £800 from my DH and then rang one day desperate for cash, and he agreed to give her £500 out the money we were saving for the baby, as it's the only way we could spare so much at that time. She said she'd pay back £50 a month til it was paid off. This will make me sound petty but when his other siblings had babies they got cots, prams, bouncy chairs etc bought for them by her, we got nothing (given she was skint and we didn't need anything but it did irk if I'm honest). Anyway she paid back £50 and we never saw another penny. DH won't raise it with her and our DD could have had that £450 worth of stuff or put in her savings. A couple of months later was Xmas and she spent about £400 in total on SILs teenage kids, which I'm guessing is where the money went.
The other day SIL told me that MIL offered her a ring she was gonna get rid of from an old Bf (worth about £100) to flog, so rather than MIL selling it herself she told SIL "you sell it and buy yourself something nice". I know it's her ring, but I felt when she still owes us so much she should have offered it to DH.
His FIL (who has split from his MIL btw) is just as bad. DHs grandad gave all his grandkids £1000 and we put it towards a bathroom, which FIL helped fit (we paid him for his labour). He was in charge of buying materials, so we gave him all the money, and he only spent £600 of it. At the same time SIL was getting her kitchen done and needed more cash for it, so he used the remaining £400 towards that, promising to give it back to us soon. We've never seen that £400 and had to find the rest ourselves to finish the bathroom. Again, the £1000 was a gift but we expected to use it and not have to find so much of it ourselves.
The other day was the last straw. FIL is helping SIL do her garden and they needed some gravel, DHs friends runs a gravel business so he got them some on "mates rates". He paid his friend himself £180 and was promised to get it back the next day (SIL text to say she had given it to FIL to bring round as she was busy). FIL never came and I got a text from him saying "SIL would bring it at the weekend". No explanation, but this would mean we'd get it back a week after it was promised.
BIL (DHs brother) is also helping with the garden and is being paid for his work (again I'm being petty but DH spent a morning doing free labour in the garden while his brother was getting paid for the same time). Turns out he was skint the day we were meant to get the £180 back, so instead of popping the money round to us, FIL gave him it as an advance (BIL was meant to be paid this weekend) - he didn't ask DH if this was ok, and didn't tell SIL, who didn't realise we'd not been paid back. So we have got the money this weekend that was meant to be for BIL iykwim.
I'm really getting pissed off with it all now, were not skint but not particularly well off, and FIL assumed we could go a week at the end of the month without £180. Were buying a new car and needed that money for that, so had to put it off for a few days. They absolutely take liberties and DH seems almost afraid to confront them about it. If it was my family he'd come down on them like a tonne of bricks.
I don't think it's my place to confront them myself, as much as I want to, but I just want to know if IABU, as DH says I am but I think he has been treated badly by his own family.
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AIBU?
In laws and money
16 replies
IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 29/03/2014 09:14
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