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to think that I can just ignore this?

(19 Posts)
MagicLlama Sat 29-Mar-14 07:48:29

I have a friend, who had been knocking around in my friendship group for about 6 years but who was always a friend of a friend as opposed to MY friend.

About 3 months ago her DS started the same activity as DS1 and we have now struck up the beginnings of a friendship. We have met up a couple of times with the DCs, and twice without them.

She went out last night on a work do thing with a group of mates, and ive had a voicemail message off her telling me that its crazy, but that she loves me and that its nuts as shes only known me a short time but that she thinks im her soulmate. Shes obviously very drunk.

Im at a bit of a loss what to do really. I don't think of her in that way. I suspect I could over time, but I just don't want to date at the moment. The DCs have been through a lot, I am dealing with all kinds of crap going on in my life, and I just was looking forward to an uncomplicated friendship.

I feel like I just want to ignore it, and pretend its never happened, but I know I will feel awkward about it all. It could be that shes drunk and its all nonsense, but to discover that ill have to talk to her about it, and if its not nonsense telling her I don't feel like that is going to ruin the friendship anyway isn't it?

So AIBU to just bury my head in the sand and go lalalalala?

Or do I need to deal with it like a grown up, and if so whats the best way?

IdkickJilliansAss Sat 29-Mar-14 07:50:19

I'd just say 'good night was it, you sounded plastered' or nothing!

startwig1982 Sat 29-Mar-14 07:50:29

If she was that drunk she probably won't remember much and will probably be mortified anyway. I wouldn't mention it and just get on with being friends.

CeliaFate Sat 29-Mar-14 07:50:31

I'm a bit confused, sorry. Are you male/female? Gay/straight/bi?

wowfudge Sat 29-Mar-14 07:52:23

I'd just ignore it and see if she mentions it. If you bring it up she may be embarrassed. Carry on as normal - if she mentions it say it was a garbled message but she sounded as though she was having a good time!

wowfudge Sat 29-Mar-14 07:52:53

Celia - does that matter?

IdkickJilliansAss Sat 29-Mar-14 07:54:10

I doesn't matter but nothing wrong with being nosey!

SavoyCabbage Sat 29-Mar-14 07:54:37

I would do what wow said.

TheWhispersOfTheGods Sat 29-Mar-14 07:56:32

ignore it. she may have meant it in a platonic way anyway - I have told friends I love then and it's meant to be when hammered - very much meaning you're s good friend.

She is probably cold with fear about it this morning! I'd not assume it means anything, get on with enjoying your friendship and if it develops anyway, great.

CeliaFate Sat 29-Mar-14 07:58:04

I knew someone would ask that. Yes it matters but not in a homophobic way. It's the context - first of all they were pissed so it could just be something to brush off. if a straight male sent me that text (a straight female) then I would feel more awkward it. If a gay female sent it to me I could tell her I'm straight so we can only be friends. If a straight female sent it to me I would approach it assuming she was pissed and didn't remember. Rightly or wrongly, that's how I would approach it.

WooWooOwl Sat 29-Mar-14 07:59:08

I don't think you can know what she meant by 'soulmate', it doesn't necessarily mean that she has thought of having a romantic relationship with you. It could just as easily mean that your a friend she feels really comfortable with and she thinks a lot of you, that's a nice thing.

I wouldn't ignore it, but I wouldn't acknowledge it as a big deal. A response like Jillian's would be best I think.

MagicLlama Sat 29-Mar-14 07:59:54

Idkick, starwig fudge I'm hoping she wont remember it tbh, but I just wonder if it will now be an elephant in the room, and whether I can actually be the same around her. And if she does remember, then gah!

celia Sorry im female. Shes also female (obviously) and split up with her partner 5 years ago when she came out as a lesbian.

MagicLlama Sat 29-Mar-14 08:05:14

Oh sorry, missed out info. I'm Bi I suppose. I've been single for the last million years anyway, so its not something i've worried about recently smile

CeliaFate Sat 29-Mar-14 08:07:45

Ok, so she could have sent it "in vino veritas". I'd take my lead from her. If she doesn't mention it, I wouldn't either and I'd act normally. If she mentions it, be honest and say you just want to be friends. If she can handle that, then your feelings may develop over time. They may not, in which case you haven't been dishonest or led her on.

Doubtfuldaphne Sat 29-Mar-14 08:09:27

Chances are, she's pretty embarrassed too after leaving that message. Or however she might be thinking 'phew I'm so glad she knows how I feel - now the ball's in her court' then you'll probably have more to deal with.
I think its important to address it now or things might get really awkward. This is where texting comes in handy!
I'd say 'I got your message, thanks! You must've had a good night! Haha! Just to make it clear I'm happy being single at the moment and I hope it doesn't change our friendship'
Or something like that anyway.

MeepMeepVroooom Sat 29-Mar-14 08:12:46

I think I'd send a text along the lines of "did you have a good night?" and see what she says. If she doesn't mention in then I wouldn't either.

MagicLlama Sat 29-Mar-14 08:30:57

Ok cheers. I think ill send her a message just saying, that I obviously missed her call because like all sensible people I was fast asleep at 2am, that I cant understand the message, but I hope she had a good night, and then see what happens after that.

Pigletin Sat 29-Mar-14 08:45:27

I would make a joke about it and say something like "had too much fun last night eh?" in a jokey way and then just ignore the whole thing. Maybe she'll get the hint that you are not interested.

Shonajoy Sat 29-Mar-14 08:53:04

I would have thought that was nice.

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