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To have realised the world actually is a sexist place, and to decide to just use it to my advantage

(31 Posts)
NewDawnNewDayNewLifeForMe Fri 28-Mar-14 20:51:26

Was brought up to believe that everything in life is fair and equal.
At school and at home

As an adult I've realised this is actually not the case, and sexism is everywhere

Just general stuff like the amount of women I know that tend to do the lions share of the house work etc and childcare even if both partners work ft

And how women are judged much much more on looks and weight than men are

Certain things annoy me, like when I look nice, hair done, nice clothes on, the world is nice to me,and NO it's not because I feel better so give off a better vibe, because I feel the same, it's how everyone reacts towards me when I make an effort looks wise, eg smiling chatting more holding doors open etc
Which hacks me off as I'm exactly the same person either way

So I've actually decided, to just go with the flow this is how the world is, and just to use it to my advantage, starting by making more of an effort with my apperance

Coldlightofday Fri 28-Mar-14 20:53:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NewDawnNewDayNewLifeForMe Fri 28-Mar-14 20:59:27

What I mean, is by going along with the world we live in, the actual way it is, not the fairy tale we are told it is when we are young.
Will be to the best of my advantage,because it will make my life easier
I don't like it, I don't think it's right
But this is the way it is

almondcake Fri 28-Mar-14 21:00:13

I don't see how this is using sexism to your advantage. No matter how nicely dressed you are, your still going to be viewed as less competent than a man and valued less by sexist people. You do have a choice of changing which stereotypical woman you are perceivedas being through time, money and effort.

Lottiedoubtie Fri 28-Mar-14 21:01:53

It is not to your advantage to succumb to these pressures.

The point of them is that you cannot and will not match up to 'perfect' you'll never be skinny/beautiful/tidy enough.

You'd be better off trying to live your life for yourself and stick to your own values.

Coldlightofday Fri 28-Mar-14 21:03:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PosyFossilsShoes Fri 28-Mar-14 21:25:15

YANBU to realise the world is a sexist place but YABU (and deluded) if you think that participating in the sexism will work to your advantage.

What happens when you get older and therefore officially less desirable? When your boobs sag and your face wrinkles? When you get grey streaks in your hair?

You're not getting an advantage. You are getting at best a temporary reprieve, and you're doing it at the expense of other women, because you're participating in a system that screws us all.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 28-Mar-14 21:33:42

It was a disservice to you to raise you believing a fairy tale of equality and fairness which doesn't exist. However, the way to deal with this isn't to be the most favoured of the least favoured. It's the same logic that says that a pretty, skinny, cute, funny Hollywood star can say she's a feminist but God help us if an overweight, spotty nerd does it.

There are ways to fight and we can argue about the benefits of them. You can work to dismantle the entire system, work to change from the inside, just stand with the most abused within the system, passive resistance, challenge whenever you can, use a different lens to look at things and enable others to do the same... Just putting on your 'face' and playing along isn't going to do anything but keep us all in the crab bucket.

pillowaddict Fri 28-Mar-14 21:46:14

Actually, dh and I share housework and he cooks majority of meals. Sometimes at work I 'dress up', if I can be bothered, mainly I rush out tge door with no make up on and my hair tied back. I'm no better or worse at my job despite or because of my appearance. I don't dispute sexism is a reality but I try not to buy into it in my own lifestyle.

PansBigChainring Fri 28-Mar-14 21:51:09

I think it was Ghandi who said "be the change you want to see in the world." Going for the lowest common denominator to 'please men' (which it sounds like you are aspiring to do?) digs your hole, and that of those around you, even further. Generally, being 'that better part of yourself', and not selling it out, is a much much better way to live, more satisfying and effective.
<recognising I am a bloke so it could be easy to see all of that as easy words, though they aren't>

PansBigChainring Fri 28-Mar-14 22:03:35

and given your posting name, OP, I know that Nina Simone would def NOT agree with you.smile

CailinDana Fri 28-Mar-14 22:21:41

I know what you're saying OP, I once felt the same.

Thing is, giving up your sense of self worth in that way is a very slippery slope. Because there are men out there who view women simply and purely as objects. And meeting them is truly horrifying. Interacting with a person who doesn't see you as a person but merely as a piece of decorated meat is gut churningly awful. These are the men who rape repeatedly and never once feelan ounce of remorse because they genuinely, honestly believe they have done nothing wrong. To have your whole worth as a living creature totally voided in that way is something you don't quite get over. They might never touch you, but just experiencing that sense of total disregard...shudder.

Don't surrender. You are not meat.

SinisterBuggyMonth Fri 28-Mar-14 22:32:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UptheChimney Fri 28-Mar-14 22:34:58

YABU to a) only have just realised this. Have you spent however many years with cotton wool in your ears? and b) to go along with it.

NewDawnNewDayNewLifeForMe Fri 28-Mar-14 22:46:50

Oh do not get me started on ghandi,

How that man that advises people to get pleasure from others in worse situations
Which is actually hideous

What the German word for that schadenfreude

PansBigChainring Fri 28-Mar-14 22:51:36

yes , I realised that figure could be challenged, but the sentiment is fairly clear, isn't it? <and it wasn't a Ghandi invention>
But have read of other posts and make your mind up.

NewDawnNewDayNewLifeForMe Fri 28-Mar-14 22:53:48

It is not just men that are nicer to me when I look nice, it's an equal amount of women

And I'm not doing it for me, as I'm married

I'm just doing it for an easier life.
I hear what your saying that this is going along with how things are, yet I feel this is how the world is
I do not think this is a good thing
But I do think it will make my life easier

I think we will be screwed when older anyway as often the older people are not seen as valuable in a capitalist society

It is what it is

So can only go with how it is

NewDawnNewDayNewLifeForMe Fri 28-Mar-14 22:54:57

schadenfreude sentiment is hideous imo

i can't remember ever feeling inferior to a man. I'm sure a lot of sexism against women happens though and I've heard vile stuff said about men by women.

PansBigChainring Fri 28-Mar-14 23:01:45

yes it;s odd. My normal dress is jeans and a t-shirt. When sometimes I dress in a suit (usually for work) the rest of the world seems to take more notice eg I'm not 'mate' but 'sir'. But I know it's rubbish and thin and it's only a response to the suit, not me. But it's your choice how to proceed isn't it?
I meant the sentiment of being yourself and 'be the change you want for the world' not schadenfruede, though I think that only means taking pleasure in someone else's misfortune, not the immediately abusive way you inferred. I'm sure the Germans have a good word for that as well.

WooWooOwl Fri 28-Mar-14 23:07:09

I don't think it's only down to sexism that you get better reactions from people the better you look, because it's exactly the same for men. They are treated differently if they are clean shaven or have an ungroomed beard.

WilsonFrickett Fri 28-Mar-14 23:07:23

See, people might smile more, chat more, hold doors open more and otherwise do things to make your life superficially easy, but I bet they don't promote you more, listen to you more or change their opinions for you more.

But you crack on. Them doors are really heavy, after all...

NewDawnNewDayNewLifeForMe Fri 28-Mar-14 23:10:04

Pans I'm saying I'm do nota greenish ghandis views

NewDawnNewDayNewLifeForMe Fri 28-Mar-14 23:10:34

Agree with ghandis views that should say

PansBigChainring Fri 28-Mar-14 23:15:04

Doors - just tonight I was approaching a petrol station door that was closing, the bloke who had left it going out made an effort to turn round and open it again for me on the way in, at a bit of inconvenience to himself - he was just being v polite. I don't doubt he would have done the same thing for a woman. <not the crushing and winning argument I know grin but lots of people are just..well..polite!>

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