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Bizarre school gate politics - should I have changed my dd's party date?

(33 Posts)
lottieandmia Fri 28-Mar-14 19:50:35

My dd is in reception and has a particular friend in her class. They seem to get on really well and have had play dates all fine etc. this topic is quite trivial but I am just wondering if I made a social faux pas here.

A few months ago I realised that my dd and her friend have birthdays very close together, so I asked her mum what day they were having their party on so that I could change ours if there was a clash. There are only 9 of them in a class and I didn't want them to have to choose between parties. It turned out that her dd's party was booked for the day after ours, so not to worry she said.

Anyway, some time ago it became clear that my dd was not invited to her friend's party for some reason. I gave out my dds invitations to everyone which I always do in reception - we always invite the whole class. I saw the other girls mum that day at pick up time and she looked awkward and said 'er, x's party is on the day after - I don't do invitations.' Then she walked off. I heard nothing from her regarding whether her dd was coming to my dds party. A week or so ago an invitation to her dds party turned up in my dds book bag. I responded via text and received no reply.

I have seen her several times since and she has not said whether this girl is coming to my dds party. I was talking to another mum today who let me know that her dd is coming and that she will be bringing X, the other girl to the party with her dd. X's mother has not told me anything....

Surely her behaviour is a bit odd? I wondered whether she is annoyed that my dds party is the day before hers and could have overshadowed it, and whether she thinks I should have changed it to another week or something. The way I saw it was that it will be in the Easter holidays. Surely the children will be happy to have two parties in one weekend?

So have I missed something here? When my older dd was in reception we never had a situation like this...

MissDuke Fri 28-Mar-14 19:54:14

Sounds like you are a very sweet and thoughtful person, not sure what her issue is to be honest. I have also encountered weird party behaviour, I have never understood the motivation behind it so I am not the best person to try and help you. Just wanted to reassure you that you did nothing wrong!

MammaTJ Fri 28-Mar-14 19:54:34

It really doesn't sound to me that you have done anything wrong. You have gone out of your way to do things right!

Oldraver Fri 28-Mar-14 19:56:28

She sounds odd, leave her to it

littleducks Fri 28-Mar-14 19:57:36

I can only imagine they she thought you asked when her party was and then arranged one the day before. I realise that want the intention though.

eddielizzard Fri 28-Mar-14 19:58:42

i know so many mums like this. i don't understand it. it's rude. i just ignore now. at least you know the dd is coming!

i had one parent try to blank me at my child's party when she was dropping her kid off!!! unbelievable. she looked annoyed when she actually had to say hello.

lottieandmia Fri 28-Mar-14 20:00:08

I don't think she can think I deliberately arranged it for the day before because I texted her the date we had arranged and told her I would change it if hers was on the same day...

It's made me think that there are so many threads about party invitations and maybe it's not to do with the kids but to do with the mums!

Chottie Fri 28-Mar-14 20:01:29

Just let it go, be pleasant and just get on with your life. Have a wonderful party with your DD smile

I don't think you done anything 'wrong' at all. Her behaviour does sound a little odd, but I would ignore it and carry on as usual.

littleducks Fri 28-Mar-14 20:03:13

In that case there isn't even a far fetched expansion!

lottieandmia Fri 28-Mar-14 20:05:08

I certainly won't hold it against her. For the sale of the children it's really important to be nice to everyone at the school gate. I never hold stuff against anyone. I'm just a little bemused.

HerGraciousMajTheBeardedPotato Fri 28-Mar-14 20:06:32

I think she's just embarrassed at her dd being invited to your party, when she had not invited your dd to her's.

Ignore any awkwardness. Just breeze on as normal.

I often send a text to parents who haven't RSVPd, reminding them of the date and asking them to let me know whether their dc is coming. Sometimes people forget to reply to paper invitations, sometimes the invitation has gone astray.

chicaguapa Fri 28-Mar-14 20:07:10

Does she have older DC?

It sounds like she doesn't know how to do the whole party & invite thing, especially if your DDs are in Reception. This might be a new thing for her. She's maybe conscious that you've been so organised with your DD's party and she is feeling defensive.

lottieandmia Fri 28-Mar-14 20:07:48

She does have older and younger children.

PosyFossilsShoes Fri 28-Mar-14 20:22:16

The only thing I can possibly dredge up is that X's mum wasn't planning to give a party for X at all and has felt pressured into doing so by you asking what day the party would be on, and has now decided it's your fault for 'making' her do a party.

That would still be quite odd though.

bobot Fri 28-Mar-14 21:29:59

I think she wasn't planning to invite your dd, and feels embarrassed about it after you've been so considerate.

lottieandmia Fri 28-Mar-14 22:48:40

Gosh Posy, I never thought of that possibility! I really hope that isn't the case. It is odd that she didn't invite my dd initially because according to their teacher the two girls are 'best friends'. But I don't think too much about who invites whom. Although when dd2 was in reception we all had whole class parties and nobody was ever left out.

Anyway, thanks for replies. I hope I haven't done anything to make her feel uncomfortable. We always invite everyone in the class even if they've had squabbles.

tulipsaredelicious Fri 28-Mar-14 23:07:42

Am I the only one who doesn't see what the problem is? She's probably not realising you don't know if her dd is coming to your party. Straight out ask her. It's amazing the number of parents who forget to RSVP or think they already have. It just sounds like a communication problem to me, no biggie.

tulipsaredelicious Fri 28-Mar-14 23:08:58

And if there's only 9 in the class she maybe didn't think invites were necessary. Then changed her mind.

lottieandmia Sat 29-Mar-14 08:04:09

Maybe tulip. But it's very odd that she would chat to me and not mention that someone else was taking her dd to the party IMO. I doubt I will work it out though.

Finola1step Sat 29-Mar-14 08:12:32

Ignore it. You'll never know what her problem is. Concentrate in giving your dd and her friends a lovely time. Then look forward to next year ...

Joysmum Sat 29-Mar-14 08:13:55

Personally I'd call and leave a voicemail (as she won't pick up) saying that unless you need to know numbers for catering etc so unless you get a response accepting the invitation by the the end of the weekend, you'll assume the daughter isn't coming.

givemeaclue Sat 29-Mar-14 08:15:18

Is there a problem? I can't see one?

brettgirl2 Sat 29-Mar-14 08:17:31

Has she texted the wrong number to accept/ told dh who had forgotten? I think you are being over-paranoid tbh! I'm still waiting for 3 replies to dd's and they are not the people I would have expected not to respond. .... I reckon when I ask them next week they will be confused . I wrote my mobile number out 27 times, what can possibly go wrong? grin .

lottieandmia Sat 29-Mar-14 08:21:08

No, the thing is that we have texted regularly even fairly recently because of play dates etc. so she definitely has my correct number.

EverythingCounts Sat 29-Mar-14 08:22:29

I always assume people are coming unless they have actually said no. As you've been so gracious till now, I would continue that way and just say nothing. If she wants to be odd and rude about the whole thing, that makes her look bad, not you.

Plus, who 'doesn't do invitations' for kids? Are they supposed to memorise where and when the party is? If you can text then ok, but surely no one knows all the mobile numbers of all the other parents? I know I don't.

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