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To buy condoms for ds(15)?

(146 Posts)
Kenworthington Fri 28-Mar-14 17:01:47

I hope not as I have already done so, although he doesn't know it yet as he's not home yet. He is 15, 16 in sept, he's gay and so this is more a health issue and obv not a pregancy issue.

I suspect he is sexually active and whilst I am very open with him there is obv stuff he doesn't want me to know and fair enough.

I've talked to him in the recent past about how all types of sex is sex and he must use condoms at all times (and his partner) to keep himself safe.

So I have bought a packet and out them on his bed with a letter as I know he would be mortified if I try and discuss it with him again, saying basically that I understand at his age that whilst he might not be sexually active now he might be soon and although as his mother I shan't be encouraging him to have sex I understand it will happen and when it does I want him to have happy, fun , healthy, safe and consensual sex. I think I've done the right thing but now I'm panicking a bit that I've been stupid. I haven't have I???? Part if me thinks if he's old enough to have sex then he's old enough to buy xondoms but then again he's still a child. But I think he's doing it anyway. Without condoms. Which bothers me more! Argh aibu? He's gonna be home soon and now I'm wondering whether to move them???

CailinDana Fri 28-Mar-14 17:04:00

YANBU at all. I don't see how it could be unreasonable to buy your child something that he needs and that will keep him safe.

5madthings Fri 28-Mar-14 17:05:23

Yanbu.

Yama Fri 28-Mar-14 17:05:44

I know that in Scotland, young people (over 13) can get a C Card. This allows them 12 free condoms from any chemist whenever they present it.

Anyway, YANBU - safe sex is important. Although he may not want to talk about it, a general discussion about consent wouldn't be a bad idea.

Nojustalurker Fri 28-Mar-14 17:05:50

Better or get him signed up for the c card.

c-card.areyougettingit.com/Default.aspx

Kenworthington Fri 28-Mar-14 17:06:15

Thank you, I think it's his age thats making me soubt myself although he is very mature for his physically and I do find it hard to think of him as a child, that's what he is. I suppose I feel like I'm giving him the green light to go and do whatever he wants (or worse , what someone else wants) does that even make sense??

EatDessertFirst Fri 28-Mar-14 17:06:36

YANBU. You sound like you are being extremely sensible and practical.

My mum used to buy my brother condoms with the shopping and just chuck them on his bed with his deodorant etc. It was exactly like you say i.e. she knew he was sexually active but was happy to make sure he was safe. Writing him a letter is a great idea as he may get embarassed with a face-to-face.

MoominsYonisAreScary Fri 28-Mar-14 17:06:54

Yes get him some and order a c card

BadgersRetreat Fri 28-Mar-14 17:07:00

you sound like such a lovely mum - but he is going to be SO embarassed!

I don't think it's a stupid thing to do at all, but don't be surprised if he says nothing about it grin

CoffeeBucks Fri 28-Mar-14 17:07:00

YANBU at all. I think it's great, particularly as he might struggle to get suitable safe sex information from other sources.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Fri 28-Mar-14 17:07:01

He might be horrified. Girl or boy! However I absolutely think you should. He must know to take care of himself. That includes regular std testing etc. he's priority. Good on you.

CoffeeBucks Fri 28-Mar-14 17:07:58

BUT I agree with badgers ^^ - don't be surprised if he doesn't make eye contact with you for a few days (or weeks...)

Rebecca2014 Fri 28-Mar-14 17:08:39

Wow no. He can get condoms himself he does not need or want his mummy getting involved in his sex life.

dippydaisy1 Fri 28-Mar-14 17:08:40

He is your baby. I am sure you know what he needs. Having said that, I jumped the gun with my son, only to be told off by his gf. Apparently they are not sexually active and will discuss it with me when or if the time comes. So, back in my box.

GimmeDaBoobehz Fri 28-Mar-14 17:09:07

YANBU.

I'm sure in the long run he'll be so glad you cared enough and put your embarrassment/awkwardness about sex with a teenage son aside to make sure he stayed safe.

EirikurNoromaour Fri 28-Mar-14 17:09:19

My friend used to keep a big bowl of condoms in her house and her teenage dd and DS would just help themselves. She took her dd to the gp at 15 when she had a bf and supported her to pick hormonal contraception. Her kids are well adjusted and happy young adults now and talk to her about most things so I'm inclined to think it's a sensible course of action.

Kenworthington Fri 28-Mar-14 17:09:40

Ah phew I'm so relieved. I really thought I might have been shot down for even suggesting it! God I haven't bought condoms in about 20 years! Aren't they expensive? I was properly shocked at the price.

MoominsYonisAreScary Fri 28-Mar-14 17:09:52

Ds1 had them from about 14, he didnt have sex until he was 17. My thought was its better to have some just in case.

Kenworthington Fri 28-Mar-14 17:14:29

I did feel a bit weird about it but I have always been very open about sex and all the dc have known about it all since they were very small. I've always wanted it to be 'just one of those things', you know not a big deal , talk about it if it pops up in conversation. That kind of thing. It's not a big thing is it really? Just a big fundamental thing of life but nowt to get het up about. I just want safety and health and self preservation to be key. And fun. They need to know its not just for making babies and that that's normal too. But I might be a bit lentil weavery in my opinions on this I dunno

Pipbin Fri 28-Mar-14 17:14:32

I didn't know the c-card existed, thats a great scheme.
One plus to infertility is that DH and I don't need to worry about contraception.

TheBookofRuth Fri 28-Mar-14 17:15:07

My DD is only two, but once she gets to an age where she might be sexually active, I plan on secreting condoms in every drawer and cupboard in the house! Better they're embarrassed than the alternative.

Kenworthington Fri 28-Mar-14 17:15:38

Sorry x posts with loads of people. So majority vote is ianbu so thank you, I will leave them on the bed. I will let you know his reaction!!

ThatOtherTime Fri 28-Mar-14 17:17:24

The condoms are a good idea but I am not so sure about the letter. Any of my teens would have found that way too cringeworthy.
I would just leave them in his room and tell him when he comes in that you have left something for him on his bed and that they are there for when and if he needs them.

Chunderella Fri 28-Mar-14 17:18:05

Yabu to spend money on them, they are free at the clinic. Otherwise, no. I think this is the sort of thing where older siblings or cousins can come in handy, but if there are none to hand and you're worried, you step in yourself. Better to be embarrassed for a few days than contract an STI.

Weegiemum Fri 28-Mar-14 17:19:19

YANBU. You sound lovely. I hope I'd be as helpful in the same situation xx

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