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To ask what kind of social life you have?

(128 Posts)
stuckindamiddle Thu 27-Mar-14 20:13:38

Posting here for traffic (and because I can never find the Chat thread on the mumsnet app...!)

I'm curious to know to what extent other parents have a social life. I mean, nights out with your friends, does your partner have the same, do you socialise with other couples / families and do you have any regular
activities - sport, choir, book club, politics etc.

Just asking as me and DH feel our social lives have taken a real dent since we became parents and would like to hope things improve as kids get older. I think the current situation isn't helped by us having no real couple friends where we now live (we moved cities just before we became parents), only one babysitter we can call on and also because we both
enjoy spending as much time as possible with DS and / or are pretty knackered most of the time still.

I guess a lot depends on how old your kids are, whether you have a partner or not, if you have access to reliable babysitters and how long you've lived in your area.

Please tell me how it is for you and give me hope!

formerbabe Thu 27-Mar-14 20:16:19

Out with my friends...probably once a week/2weeks. My dh stays in with kids.

Out with dh..once every 2/3 weeks.

You seem surprised your social life had taken a hit since becoming a mum op? Did you not realise beforehand?

RhinestoneCowgirl Thu 27-Mar-14 20:18:25

My DC are 7 and 5. I probably go out more than DH, I have craft night, 2 book groups, WI and a couple of committees, plus seeing friends (although DH is out tonight as it happens).

We don't go out as a couple as much as I'd like. We don't have family nearby to babysit, but do ahve a babysitting circle with friends, but it sometimes just feels like an effort to arrange a babysitter (especially as you know you've then got to reciprocate).

stuckindamiddle Thu 27-Mar-14 20:18:54

I think what I'm more surprised about is how difficult (impossible?!) it is to
make new, actual friends (not just acquaintances / mum friends) when you find yourself in a new place with a v young child.

Does your DH go out with his friends too?

gamerchick Thu 27-Mar-14 20:19:10

I go out whenever with pals to bingo and leave the kids with the husband. Me and husband go out once a month together and take it in turns to choose what we do.. It doesn't matter what we do really.

blanchedeveraux Thu 27-Mar-14 20:21:33

Mines are 13 and 17 so we're starting to go out more without them now. We've always been very lucky in that our friends had DCs roughly the same age so we all socialised together or agreed to get babysitters. Now we're in the position we can leave them all in one house having a right carry on while we go to the pub!

WhataMistakeaToMakea Thu 27-Mar-14 20:21:48

I don't have a social life: maybe go out for someone's birthday/ leaving do once every 4 months or so. I'm a Single mum. Kids are both under 6 and I work full time in a very emotionally/mentally demanding job with tons of unpaid overtime at home to catch up on paperwork. I am too tired and too skint to ever do anything other than sit at home.

formerbabe Thu 27-Mar-14 20:21:51

I actually have found it easier to make friends now I have become a mum...however, I only make friends with other mums who I would be friends with regardless of kids iyswim.

My dh goes out slightly more than me but it doesn't bother me...I enjoy having the house to myself some evenings.

uselessidiot Thu 27-Mar-14 20:25:38

I don't have a social life. I'm a full time student, work part time, have two children and a house. Going out is the last thing on my mind, I just want to collapse in the sofa ir go to bed most of the time.

SizzlesSit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:25:54

1 toddler and 33 weeks pregnant.

No social life to speak of. Prior to DC DH and I did a lot of sport (4-7 times a week) and went out with each other. Saw friends once every 6 weeks ish.

Now I do no sport and DH only does it at the weekend. We go out together once every 4 months ish. We see friends with their children maybe once every 2 months.

We miss the sport more than anything else!

We also try to lunch with our individual friends during the week as its easier.

If we have time we prefer to see DS (we both work FT) or each other. For the moment, a social life is less important.

CremeEggThief Thu 27-Mar-14 20:27:43

LP and the answer is none. I don't have any friends to go out with, apart from the odd daytime coffee. I'd love to have some to have some nights out or ' girly nights' in.

itsnothingoriginal Thu 27-Mar-14 20:29:21

Same as RhinestoneCowgirl in that I go out much more than DH with friends or village stuff - committees and the like and DH only goes out for an evening class once a week. TBH the committee stuff often feels more like work rather than socialising grin but at least it's a break from the evening routine.

I am a bit sad that DH and I don't get to go out much on our own but we have no family local. Organising a babysitter feels like either a luxury to have to pay for on top of a night out or if it's a friend I would also feel the pressure to reciprocate.

CombineBananaFister Thu 27-Mar-14 20:33:19

Twice a year night out for birthdays for me and Dh. ONce a week footie for Dh and once every 3 months for me with friends plus occasional coffees.
We only have Ds 4 but not much family near us and we both work opposite and are carers for some of that family with disabilities.
I imagine it's hard if you're used to a social life but sometimes tiredness/work/kids all get in the way - it's worth it though grin

stuckindamiddle Thu 27-Mar-14 20:47:13

Whatamistake and useless - that sounds tough. I have extra admiration for lone parents since becoming a mum.

Sizzle - that's v much like me and DH. DH especially misses his sport. He was competitive and very
successful and now just cannot fit training in and in any case loves spending time with DS. It's still an adjustment he's struggling with though.

stuckindamiddle Thu 27-Mar-14 21:34:24

Combine - it sounds like you've a lot on your plate too.

Wishfulmakeupping Thu 27-Mar-14 21:38:59

I meet up with friends/mum friends a few times a week for coffee play dates with dd and other couples with my DP at weekends 1/2 a month.
I have no social life at night whatsoever at the minute but tbh I'd be too tired to go anywhere anyway!
My DP goes out every couple of weeks but like someone said up thread its nice to have the house telly smile

Mrswellyboot Thu 27-Mar-14 21:40:47

Six month old here

We go away for the night occasionally (with the baby and sometimes go for a meal with him)

Otherwise I have had two nights out with friends in the past few months, dh had work parties

On our own - two meals and one theatre visit since he was born. We are starting to go out a bit more now once I am back to work

Mrswellyboot Thu 27-Mar-14 21:42:03

Yes go out everyday (didn't count this) and I swim a couple of nights a week

lechers Thu 27-Mar-14 21:47:11

Nowhere near as much as I would like tbh.

I had a much better social life when my DC were small, although it was during the day time.

Now I work practically full time, after work, I have two DDs who take sport seriously, between them they train 28 hours a week (spread across 7 days). I socialise with several of the mums whilst our DDs train.

I also try to meet friends for coffee one afternoon a week, although this does not always happen.

I go out with friends once a month.

My DC sleep at my parents every Friday night, so DH and I have a night out once a month.

Other than that. I'm usually at work, working or asleep!

lucyintheskywithdinos Thu 27-Mar-14 21:55:00

No partner, DDs are 7,5,2.

I go to yoga once a week and out with friends once a week.

This is only since I split with their Dad though. I never went out when we were together!

Haroldplaystheharmonica Thu 27-Mar-14 22:07:30

DH works shifts do although we don't have that many nights out together, we often have one day a week where we go to the gym then out for coffee or lunch.

We made a great set of friends when DS1 was born 10 years ago. Some of them drifted off but there are 5 couples and we have nights out (couples or the men/women) and weekends away.

I'd love to have more nights out with DH but instead we have nights in with wine and nice food, switch the telly off and set the world to rights. Nothing beats getting dolled up for a good night out though!

WilsonFrickett Thu 27-Mar-14 22:08:03

On average, I'm out with friends once a fortnight though that can often creep up to once a week. At the weekends we're always busy - we were away last week, we're hosting a dinner drinks thing for a friend on Friday, and we're staying with friends next weekend. DS goes to my mums once a fortnight, as much as to see them as for DH and I to go out together. And when DS goes to his activity on a Tuesday we try hard to fit in a quick bite to eat locally.

I love going out, DH loves staying in, we both love hosting, so it all works out. DS is 8 now though - it took a while to get things back up to this level.

teacher123 Thu 27-Mar-14 22:17:03

We have one DS who is almost 2, DH works shifts and I work part time. I have rehearsals two nights a week, which is social as much as anything else with a lovely group of people who I have got to know well. I probably meet a friend for coffee/softplay/swimming with DS once a week or so. At weekends we tend to see friends as a family or socialise individually. DH has a geeky (but quite solitary) hobby, but does occasional social events with that. I probably get a 'night out' once every 6 weeks or so, and DH the same. We don't go out much as a pair anymore as we use up so much family babysitting for work related reasons. However they are always happy to help out if it's a special occasion, like a wedding.

TiramiSue Thu 27-Mar-14 22:36:03

We have 5 kids all under 14. My dh would love to be out every saturday night and babysitting is not a problem here, its just me, i cannot be arsed. Most nights out around here either start or end in the pub, and i would much rather be sat in the comfort of my own home drinking wine that i like and watching crappy rom coms with my dd's than out and about at night. And yes, i am aware how boring and antisocial i sound, but its honestly just the way i feel these days.

Dahlen Thu 27-Mar-14 22:38:26

I'm a single parent who has a great social life. Now. For the first two years I did not go out at all and lost a lot of pre-child friendships (partly due to circumstances other than parenthood though). It's taken me time to build a new social life, and it's cost me a pretty penny in babysitting, but it's well worth it. A good social group goes a long way towards your mental health.

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