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To wonder why I keep going back

(14 Posts)
RalphLaurenLover Thu 27-Mar-14 19:36:29

So my car broke down last week whilst I was in the hospital suffering with an ectopic. They called my mother whom did nothing but bitch and moan at me for 'inconveniencing' her on her work day and how she now has to change her plans because I've decided once again to be ill and she now had to look after my son because I'm so inconsiderate.

I spent my 21st in hospital to then find out my grandpa's pride and joy (he brought it for my nan whom died before she could drive it, he died in 2011 and my mum let my drive it she signed it over to me though for Christmas) wouldn't start. The alternator had gone and it failed on over 5 pages at the MOT this week some stuff like brakes (I knew nothing about ofc) and brake fluid were too dangerous to think about. I went looking for cars which she offered to help with and stated for my birthday she'd pay the deposit £500 max

I found a financing company whom would help and asked her if she was alright to do this still and she said yes. I got a text off her today stating she'd only do it if I'd sign the car over to her and she'd been telling everyone how horrid I am that she's now having to "buy her own car back" "how much my grandad would hate me because I've let his car go to shit and i never looked after it" The car is a 20 year old Rover that was always kept in the garage and had only done 50,000 miles when I was allowed to drive it and I don't have a garage so it's been open to the weather where it hasn't before.

Well now she's refused to give me the deposit because I said I wanted to keep the car as i can't bare to let it go and not scrap it. I've always said I wanted to keep the car and she knew this but after her saying she didn't want it anyway as her boyfriend said it was a death trap, she now wants it so he can do it up and restore it back to it's original 1994 state this car needs 2k+ just to get it through the MOT and she did nothing but moan at me for wanting to spend the money to get it fixed.

She's now said she wants nothing to do with me, I'm a massive disappointment, I'm vile, My son will have no grandparent's because of me (I don't speak to my father) I'm horrid, I'm ruining her life, she wish she never had me etc.

She even had the nerve to tell all of her friends about my ectopic despite me telling nobody but my best friend and sister, she then bitched to them in front of me about how she HAD to run around after me because I'd been in hospital and my car didn't work

I'm just so pissed off. I now can't afford to get this car because I don't have the £300 lying around for the deposit. I don't even have anything I can sell to cover it and my only other option is to get a loan which is something I don't really want to do but obviously have no choice.

This is the last fucking time I let her do this to me.

DoJo Thu 27-Mar-14 20:42:25

I'm so sorry to heat that you are having such a terrible time of it all, and your mum, the person who should be there to hold your hand and make you feel better is doing exactly the opposite.

Is there any reason for you to maintain any contact with her? Your son certainly won't lose out on a grandparent that is so mean and spiteful and there is no way he would want to spend time with someone who upsets his mum like that.

Don't let her pull your strings - you're already a better parent than she is so do yourself a favour and tell her to jog on.

freezation Thu 27-Mar-14 20:43:24

Sorry to hear about your recent hospital stay. But I'm not sure I understand. You want to keep the old car? But I thought it was unusable? Why would you want two? I agree you mother sounds like a complete nightmare but why don't you let her have your grandad's car back if you can't use it and she can do something with it

feathermucker Thu 27-Mar-14 21:07:31

What a cruel and horrible way to act towards you! sad

I'd sign the car over and have as little to do with her as possible.

gobbynorthernbird Thu 27-Mar-14 21:21:51

Sorry to hear about the ectopic.

I don't know what you expect from your mum. She keeps letting you down, but you will ask her for money instead of cutting ties. For your own sanity you have to stop putting her in a position of power and control over you.

RalphLaurenLover Thu 27-Mar-14 21:34:57

freeze I'd love to keep my grandad's car. He brought it for my nan when she got breast cancer she died before she could drive it. He kept hold of everything that was hers ever since I was little I loved that car. I asked for it every time I saw him from the age of about 5. When she signed it over to me I was so happy it's the only thing that really connects me to him now.

I get in it and it smells like it did when he was alive, it makes the same old squeak when he accelerated.

She slagged the car off knowing how much he loved it how much he had the same connection to my nan with it because her latest boyfriend said it was a shit car.

I didn't ask her for the money, she offered it to me as a birthday present. I'm done, i can't do it with her any more it's exhausting

freezation Thu 27-Mar-14 22:18:37

Keep it, bin her.

deakymom Fri 28-Mar-14 01:32:14

if you cant use the car scrap it and get the money im sure your grandparents would understand and personally i would rather have you in a car you could use than one that needs so much doing to it

sorry about your mom she sounds a dead loss

TestingTestingWonTooFree Fri 28-Mar-14 06:21:17

Your connection to your grandparents is the memories in your head. It's foolish to retain a dangerous car unless you have a big garage and a ton on money. Hard as it will be, I think you need to let it go. If you scrap it, consider keeping a little bit of it as a keepsake, maybe gearstick knob?

As far as a new car is concerned, it sounds like you just can't afford it. Can you just do without? Don't forget to cancel insurance on the old one.

Your mother is not a supportive person. You need to learn to live without her. It sounds like any help you have from her, ie childcare, comes with a price that's not worry paying. Don't stress about your son having no grandparents, it's more important that he has a mum who is not constantly stressed and undermined.

RalphLaurenLover Fri 28-Mar-14 10:15:46

I wouldn't drive it I'd just sit in on my drive. I'm more connected to my grandad in the car than memories.

I need a car I can't even do a weekly shop because the shops are about 10 miles away! hmm The only jobs around are driving jobs as well so I have no choice

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 29-Mar-14 07:46:01

Keeping a broken car will cause you nothing but hassle and expense in the long term. Whether that's worthwhile is obviously your call.

I think the way you're dealing with your grief/difficult relationships is likely to make life more difficult rather than less. I wonder whether if you had counselling, it would make it easier for you to move on with your life.

sarahquilt Sat 29-Mar-14 08:21:40

Toxic parent. You need to give her a wide berth or she'll affect your sense of self-worth. She sounds horrible. Just distance yourself as much as you can.

pippitysqueakity Sat 29-Mar-14 08:31:15

I had my Mum's car after she died.It saved my sanity at the time and made my life very much easier. It cost me a fortune in the end, but it hurt me so much to get rid of it, after I had my children 'cos it was just no longer safe.
It was hard but as a pp said, my mum would have hated for me to be driving her dangerous car for sentimental reasons, and having it sitting outside slowly rusting away seemed worse.
I have photos of it, and memories.
My DH suggested keeping the number plate. Could that be an option?

betman Sat 29-Mar-14 09:13:56

It may seem harsh but I also think you need to get rid of it as hard as it may be. Would your Grandad want you getting loans etc just to keep a car that doesn't work. It's hard, but so is life sometimes.

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