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To want to be a SAHM simply because of fecking logistics?

(19 Posts)
okthen Thu 27-Mar-14 10:08:54

Me and dp both work- for a variety of reasons, not least financial.

I like my job. But I find myself dreaming of SAH sometimes, not on ideological grounds, or because it's better for the kids (I think there are arguments for both SAH and working in this regard). But simply because it is such a bloody nightmare/house of cards type scenario to get kids out of house and back in again, dropped off to and picked up from childcare/school etc.

And then every couple of weeks there's a fresh new layer of complexity: illness, strikes, inset days. Today I am attempting to work from home with a 1yo literally sat on me. He is perfectly fine but has an eye infection so can't go to childcare.

Then there's the 'I'm busy'/'I've got a meeting'/'I took half term off' back and forth with dp.

Working parents must seem shit to employers, there's always some unforeseen stumbling block forcing them to leave early or take time off. But little did I know before having kids, it's the tip of the icerberg! For every morning off for a child's docs appt, there's some complex and mysterious algorithm of grandparents and leave days and mates helping out, that means it's JUST half a day as not three whole days...


JeanSeberg Thu 27-Mar-14 11:07:59

You need to look at the long-term picture. This is the most difficult time but it will get easier.

The most important thing is you enjoy your job, these are hard to come by and it will be even more difficult to get back into work if you pack it in now and decide to return in x years' time.

Don't give up and good luck. smile

Dahlen Thu 27-Mar-14 11:17:09

Try doing it as a single parent with no family support - it's even worse. wink

But seriously, I really, really sympathise. I felt like a rubbish employee when my DTs were very small. When they were two, the longest I ever went without having to take a day off because one of the DTs were ill and the CM wouldn't take them was 2 weeks. Fortunately I was very good at my job, could work from home, and had the most lovely employer in the universe who was himself a father of four so knew what it was like.

It does get better, and the sense of accomplishment you feel at having managed to juggle it all while still remaining employed and with your sanity intact (sort of wink) is enormous and can translate into a lot of confidence in the workplace that really helps your career take off afterwards.

Hang on in there. brew

okthen Thu 27-Mar-14 11:41:03

Thanks... And Dahlen, indeed, flippin hats off to single parents, that must be really bloody hard.

I can remember thinking before I had kids 'hmmm, there goes xparent again, off to some 'crisis''. Not judging but judging, iyswim. Now I know the truth!

Giving up work isn't an option financially anyway... But if it was I'd be sorely tempted, simply to avoid the juggle. I know this is a bit daft, but it does feel like the universe is messing me with me sometimes... It's like, really, universe? Chickenpox followed by childminder sickness followed by norovirus followed by strike action? REALLY? grin

I look forward to the Latchkey Kid years (only half joking)

dietcokeandwine Thu 27-Mar-14 12:13:59


I am a SAHM and the scenarios you outline in your post are some of the key reasons why I gave up work. Could barely cope with it with just one child-never mind the three I now have. And I am in absolute awe of single parents who work.

I don't think it's necessarily better for children to have a SAHP, and there are times when I worry about the example I'm setting to my children (in that I don't go out to work).

But there's no doubt that family life - from a logistical perspective, anyway - is a damn sight less stressful when one of you is at home full time.

WilsonFrickett Thu 27-Mar-14 12:43:53

Oh I am totally with you. We used to have to have a weekly diary meeting, FFS. 'Can you do pick up A?' 'No I have a call' 'Can't you do it in the car?' 'OK, if you'll do drop-off B'.

Hated it. I now freelance from home and while it's not all rosy, not having to 'do logistics' is worth nearly every penny in lost income.

Late Thu 27-Mar-14 13:06:20

Yanbu and as for worrying about the example you are showing your children it works both ways if you moan about paid work or work you do in the home it's all work and they are not daft they can see what works or has to work for their family either way it's how you value yourself your family needs and ultimately them that makes the lasting impression.

Purplepoodle Thu 27-Mar-14 13:36:44

I fly solo during the week. I won't use a childminder as I take enough time off with kids illnesses without the childminder being sick too. It costs me more using a daycare but mine are open all year virtually, they handle all the school pick ups and drop offs.

pointythings Thu 27-Mar-14 14:00:00

It's hard - I remember it well. You really do need a sympathetic employer.
However, I do take issue with Working parents must seem shit to employers - there's evidence that shows working parents are more productive in the time that they are in the office, are more flexible in terms of making up time and are more loyal to their employers. Let's not put ourselves down... A lot of employers appreciate the dedication working parents bring to the workplace.

And it really, really does get better. By the time they're over 3, they've had most of the horrible bugs. Then when they start school, they have cast-iron immune systems in most cases. Budgeting for holiday time off and childcare remains a nightmare, but it isn't as bad.

edwinbear Thu 27-Mar-14 15:35:44

YANBU. Last week the CM was ill all week so we had to cobble together days off, breakfast clubs, after school clubs, reduced hours etc. Neither us, nor the kids, knew whether we were coming or going all week. It's tough.

Gen35 Thu 27-Mar-14 15:38:24

It does get better, 1-1.5 yo for dc1 were a real low point for illnesses, I felt really flakey and was in a new job. Hang in there! Employers know it gets better too.

justmyview Thu 27-Mar-14 16:36:49

YANBU. Lots of SAHM's live in our street and I sometimes feel a bit envious of them. I wouldn't actually want to swap with them, but can certainly see the attraction

CeliaFate Thu 27-Mar-14 16:46:03

Yanbu, this is the reason I quit my job (as well as hating it) and now work part time. Much less stress and upset. The house is calmer, cleaner and everybody is happier.

VeryStressedMum Thu 27-Mar-14 16:54:17

You definitely are not bu, I worked full time and looked after 3 dcs on my own and it nearly killed me I had to give it up. I'm a sahm now and it is much better for us all but tbh I'm not a natural 'housewife' so I'm looking for a part time job now. I'll still be doing everything on my own but I think I'll manage that. I think I'm actually more efficient when I'm working, since I've gone back to being at home my house is a tip, I can't seem to get motivated to do anything!

Hardtothinkofanewname Thu 27-Mar-14 18:18:21

That's what stops me going back. Recently I had a quiet spell for an hour and I felt guilty about not working. Practically immediately the school nurse phoned to say my DDs chronic illness had flared up & she had to go home.

The other bit that's hard to cover is the holidays.

Part of me would love to work, but the logistics make it impossible

VeryStressedMum Thu 27-Mar-14 20:16:05

It's the holidays that cause me the most problem. Ds was in child care (what do you call it, a nursery/day care??) but I hated that he had to get up so early every day in his holiday and go there all day and couldn't relax at home. He was ok there, he didn't like it as such but he accepted it so it was me and how I felt. Then there was the other 2 who were left at home all day on their own...
Even if I went part time school hours I'd have to put him into the same thing but maybe it wouldn't be so bad as before as its not as long hours. Before it was 7.30 till 5. I've seen a job that would be perfect Monday to Friday 9-1, but I'd still have to pay for child care all year for the holidays.

When you're at home it doesn't matter if one of the kids is sick, they just stay at home. I remember all too well the feeling of dread when one of them coughed or sneezed and I used to think oh no you have to go to school, I have to go to work!! Even part time work comes with all these problems.

Mimishimi Thu 27-Mar-14 21:15:00

YABVU if others are picking up the slack three-quarters of the time with regards to sick child care, holidays etc (nearly always refuse these requests now except from extended family) but YANBU to keep working and enjoy your job.

SecretRed Thu 27-Mar-14 21:22:38

Most days we middle along just fine. There are stressy moments in the morning and because I work pt but every day I feel like I don't give work my all and my dc's miss out on me being at home. I like my job and although I struggle to get out on time every day I'm grateful for it.
BUT I've had a shit day today and I've give my right arm to be off with my 2yo tomorrow and enjoy him on his own for a few hours.

katese11 Thu 27-Mar-14 21:30:27

YANBU this is why I didn't go back to work after dc2, despite loving my job. I freelance from home now but today was working somewhere else and it was so stressful trying to get back in time to pick the kids up (was 15 mins late...garrrgh)

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