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That those who disbelieve Women suffered DV because the police say otherwise?

(75 Posts)
EthelDorothySusan Thu 27-Mar-14 07:51:29

There has been a report today, showing the police pen push ok, their attitude and evidence gathering is so poor that they fail families suffering DV.

All those who say the poor Man falsely accused in court by it criminal or family court, see the police did nothing she was a liar... well maybe she was not liar, maybe she and the children were put at risk for years, because the police failed her and her children.

Yes I know some Men suffer DV, it is the minority so I am using the majority as a Woman.

EthelDorothySusan Thu 27-Mar-14 07:54:04

Don't bother trying to put in a complaint about the DV you suffered as the IPCC system is currently not working, for the force I tried to put in a complaint to anyway. It comes up with critical error when you try to fill out the IPCC form. Hopefully it will up and running again later.

EthelDorothySusan Thu 27-Mar-14 07:56:45

EthelDorothySusan Thu 27-Mar-14 07:59:29

"Victims told us that they were frequently not taken seriously, that they felt judged and that some officers demonstrated a considerable lack of empathy and understanding."

What personality type has a lack of empathy and understanding towards DV? What type of personality type likes to CONTROL people?

Minshu Thu 27-Mar-14 08:06:57

When I tried to report an attack by an ex, the policeman at the desk didn't want to disturbed from his cross word in spite of my black eye and the hand marks visible on my neck hmm

That was nearly 20 years ago, but wouldn't be surprised that the attitude is the same.

Birdsgottafly Thu 27-Mar-14 08:07:27

My last relationship was abusive.

I had to have my Boyfriend removed by the police and later had to call them as he was kicking my door.

I had a good experience from the officers that dealt with this. However, I know that I wouldn't have had enough to take my BF to court.

He had gotten away with a very serious assault on his previous partner (as well as previous GF).

It has been said to me many time that "you don't call the police in your fella", but then when I ask should I of accepted being hit, those that have said that don't have an answer.

Frustratingly, some say that I should of sorted it out with him. These are intelligent people who because my Boyfriend has a good job and can be charming, don't accept that when he decides to commit a violent/abusive act, there is no stopping him.

The sense of entitlement of abusers is the dangerous part, not temper.

A lot of people still don't understand that, I believe it to be the same for Rapists.

EthelDorothySusan Thu 27-Mar-14 08:09:09

They could not be bothered to tell Social Services about an PC whitnessing me and my children being abused on the phone when we were nex to him, I didn't want to be put through further abuse, he made me take the call and make the children speak to him, he was there as I had threats made on my life. They did nothing to him. In the paperwork it asks why they didn't tell SS, they wrote they didn't know the children's names.

Perfectlypurple Thu 27-Mar-14 08:10:32

Its very different now. Police have a dedicated dv dept.
I personally have spent hours with a victim of dv helping them pluck up the courage to tell me who they are and who hurt them.

Yes some people won't take you seriously but the majority will. I see it every day.

Birdsgottafly Thu 27-Mar-14 08:10:52

"What personality type has a lack of empathy and understanding towards DV? "

There isn't a "personality type", people don't understand why the woman doesn't just end the relationship.

Then there is the type that excuses someone attacking a weaker more vulnerable person, as though there is ever an excuse.

Then there are those that consider men incapable if controlling any urge that they have.

Birdsgottafly Thu 27-Mar-14 08:12:58

"Its very different now."

It still varies, mistakes are still made, even in passing on information to SS.

EthelDorothySusan Thu 27-Mar-14 08:13:02

No it is not different now, they carried on over years, covering up trying to make me look "MENTAL" and discrediting me each bit of DV I reported, even abusive letters to the children and it was not that long ago. The officer writes a report to the dedicated team, the team then twist it and send it out. They tried to hide stuff from me, I got it from other sources.

EthelDorothySusan Thu 27-Mar-14 08:13:43

I was not in the relationship anymore, DV went nuts after the relationship ended.

EthelDorothySusan Thu 27-Mar-14 08:20:15

I get the impression that SS were disgusted at the police, as they gave me all the dreadful things the police were saying about me and blocking me from seeing. SS being in a position of knowing a lot more than the police, knew a lot of what they were saying was rubbish. SS were having their work increasing as the police were not just sending the reports to SS.

EthelDorothySusan Thu 27-Mar-14 08:24:27

If you feel that the police failed your family, I suggest you put in a SAR to SS, and find out what they have been saying about you to other agencies, and put one in to the police force. You will find like me they will not send you everything, yet ss will. I suggest you then use this information to form your complaint about them.

We need to weed out these unhelpful public servants, who are not doing their job properly, the way to do that is to get them investigated and improve the culture and training via complaints. You also make yours and your children's files correct.

EthelDorothySusan Thu 27-Mar-14 08:29:05

It was not just me the police tried to make out to other agencies that I was "Mental" to cover up their failures, they did the same to the person who told me about SAR's. We were in different area's of the same police force, I does make me wonder if this is a standard practice going on in that particular force.

Perfectlypurple Thu 27-Mar-14 08:30:08

It IS different. In my force you couldn't 'not know' the names of the children as there are certain things that need doing. If not done you get sent back. There are also other procedures in place to ensure the risk is dealt with. We have a positive arrest policy so an arrest must be made.

Yes some police forces will fail at this but not all. A lot/most officers I know deal with dv very seriously. Yes I know some who don't deal with it properly. You get that anywhere. But a sweeping generalisation is wrong.

EthelDorothySusan Thu 27-Mar-14 08:33:36

There is a bit where they say about reporting to ss, on the paperwork the police fill out, It is one of the bits the police did give me, and they want the children's names and has a report to ss been done. They write no, reason we didn't know the childrens names. Basically they could not be arsed to ring up and find the children's names, and do the referral.

Are you calling us a liar when we are discussing our experiences with other officer, just because you do your job properly?

Go tell Teresa May she is wrong, it is her report, go speak to them, don't lay into people who suffered. Have you whistle blown on your useless colleagues?

Birdsgottafly Thu 27-Mar-14 08:45:57

"It IS different."

It's fair to say that finally some forces are dealing with the crime if DV, as they should do.

But some still aren't.

In fairness, DV isn't the only situation that isn't always got right.

But we have to tackle each issue, to find out why this is happening.

Anti Social Behaviour, dangerous dogs, drugs, being ignored (for instance), will all have different reasons to DV not being dealt with as it should.

But then there isn't one answer, different cases, have mistakes made for different reasons.

A recent DV murder in my area was because of a lack of recognition that the victim (under 18) shouldn't have been allowed to take control and was incapable of doing so (for many reasons) so protocol should of clicked in.

There wasn't enough done to protect her child either.

Taking women out of the equation and fully letting Child Protection step in, stops the reporting.

Although changes need to be made in some forces, they are not going to be popular, even with the victims.

Then the CPS back away from some crimes of violence (but not benefit fraud).

caruthers Thu 27-Mar-14 08:51:37

Taken from the BBC website.

The pain of relationship breakdown is vivid in these figures. Among couples who had separated, 21% of women and 11% of men were victims of domestic abuse. For those in a marriage, the figure is 3% for both sexes.

There is obviously a problem with society and these figures show this.

It is most certainly getting better but more needs to be done to improve lives of anyone suffering with the impact of DV.

EthelDorothySusan Thu 27-Mar-14 08:54:17

There are children growing up knowing there is no escape from DV, not only do you have to watch Mum get abused by Dad, and attempt to abuse you, you have to watch her being abused by those who are supposed to protect you all.

EthelDorothySusan Thu 27-Mar-14 08:56:21

I have known two Women married to police officers, both were domestically abused by the police officers. I can see one on my FB who is married to a police officer, he is continually fraping her FB page, writing wonderful things about himself pretending to be her. From my experience of the police and from the experiences of others it does make me wonder what personality type goes into that profession.

Goblinchild Thu 27-Mar-14 09:01:27

There are children growing up knowing that there is no one who puts their needs and safety first.
There are children who don't want to go home, because of DV and their powerlessness in the face of abuse by adults and being forced to watch it.
There are children who don't want to come to school, because they think that they should be at home, protecting their mothers. Even though they have yet to reach double figures themselves.
How fucked-up is that?

Perfectlypurple Thu 27-Mar-14 09:01:29

Ethel I did not say you were lying - if you read what I said I said 'in my force'

And where did I 'lay into people' exactly.

Oh and yes I have reported colleagues for not doing things as they should.

I have known police officers commit crime. They a human - people in every part of society can be criminals. You are obviously against the police which is your right. But don't say I have said things that I haven't.

GreenLandsOfHome Thu 27-Mar-14 09:02:04

* he is continually fraping her FB page, writing wonderful things about himself pretending to be her*

Are you suggesting this shows he is abusive?

Goblinchild Thu 27-Mar-14 09:04:00

Now you are speculating wildly. angry
Abusers come from all walks of life, from the police to the clergy to teachers and blue-collar workers.
Some police officers are survivors of DV and abuse as children themselves, and go into the force to try and make a difference. They could be some of those forcing the very changes you want.

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