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To get upset over meeting with DS's teacher today

(84 Posts)
caramellokoalalover Wed 26-Mar-14 13:21:41

DS's reception teacher asked to speak to me today about DS (5). Apparently a few weeks ago a parent complained to the school that DS had taught their child to say 'silly bastard'. School gave DS benefit of the doubt, not having overheard anything themselves, said nothing to me, and gave the whole school a talk about not using bad language.
Parents went into school on Monday and said they had witnessed my DS telling their child at a birthday party on Saturday to say 'silly bastard'. Teacher has told me they need to take it up with DS and inform me what's happening.
Feel so upset by it all. AIBU to get so upset over first 'called in to the school' offence? Anyone else feel like shit when their DC get into trouble?

mrsjay Fri 04-Apr-14 10:19:16

do you know the parents I know it is a school thing but could you apologise on your sons behalf I am not normally one for saying approach parents but it does seem it might get out of hand, I can imagine the horror on your face tell your son off for swearing and see how it goes 5yr olds can be silly but he needs to stop

Preciousbane Fri 04-Apr-14 10:14:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly Fri 04-Apr-14 10:13:28

All 5 year old's don't swear hmm. I agree it's not a huge deal, but it can't be written off as "oh, never mind, all kid's swear" either. Not at 5.

mrsandy Fri 04-Apr-14 10:02:42

Have we suddenly evolved into some amazing world where kids never swear and if they do its a major catastrophe??? ALL KIDS SWEAR and it isnt a problem so long as they learn when to do it...like we all did.Why? Because swearing is words....just words...Those parents have well over reacted. He 5!!!! This is more of a funny story than something to complain to the school about...I hope you feel OK by now OP... This is a major overeaction on their part. Dont let others make you feel anything bad. Know you are doing just fine.

vjg13 Thu 27-Mar-14 17:22:03

How do you feel about the teacher calling your child a "lively character", teacher speak for PITA!

jonicomelately Thu 27-Mar-14 16:52:02

Honestly OP. You and your DS will be pissing yourselves laughing about this when he's a teenager grin

RustyBear Thu 27-Mar-14 16:49:27

No, I'm not the parent, but I do work in a school office, and I have many years' experience of the things parents complain about and the often strange reasons why they do. And close to the top of the list is any insinuation that the teacher doesn't instantly believe every word their pub says....

Hullygully Thu 27-Mar-14 16:27:56


dear sweet little baby jesus

caramellokoalalover Thu 27-Mar-14 16:26:40

Tanith you should be proud of his spelling skills. Clearly very bright grin

Tanith Thu 27-Mar-14 16:23:05

Then there was the time my DS drew his very own design of a new type of boat. He proudly showed his Granny before telling her he'd made up a name for it by mixing "Canoe" and "Punt" shock

He even spelled it for her blush blush

Tanith Thu 27-Mar-14 16:17:00

Reminds me of the time one of our toddlers came out with "Oh for f***'s sake!"

I was horrified. When her dad came to pick her up, I apologised profusely, promised to keep a close eye, but that I really couldn't think how she'd picked it up.

He went bright red. "Um, actually I think it was me!" blush

YouTheCat Thu 27-Mar-14 16:03:01

I shouldn't worry about it, even if he had said anything. I've heard much worse. There was a lovely, tiny girl in dd's reception class who I believe had adhd. She could be great but if she was having a meltdown she'd call everyone 'cunts'.

playftseforme Thu 27-Mar-14 15:53:34

One of the pre-school teachers took me to one side and felt the need to tell me that my ds had said to another child that they would 'kill them like a chicken' hmm It hadn't been witnessed or overheard, the other child reported it. I was a bit taken aback because I didn't really understand what anyone was hoping to achieve from that information exchange. Perfectly possible that my ds did say it, but i can't discpline based on hearsay.
Your situation isn't any less odd frankly.

caramellokoalalover Thu 27-Mar-14 15:50:28

kennyp if I get called in over the C word next week I'll fess up that I use that all the time at home wink shock

Maybe I should do a quick MN search on threads about 'what swear words your kids have said'. Some of these are gold.

caramellokoalalover Thu 27-Mar-14 15:48:03

RustyBear are you the other parent? wink
Update is that I spoke to my DS about it. He admitted to making the other kids laugh by saying 'poo', 'wee', 'fart' and 'chickenlicken'. [Grin] They were all the words he confessed to knowing were swear words. I asked him if he had been saying 'silly' somethingorother - did not want to hand him a new swear word - and he looked at me blankly. He is a terrible liar so if he did say it then I doubt very much he has any idea what he's been saying. All the more reason I think for the other parent to have mentioned it at the time at the party on Saturday. I could have dealt with it then rather than days later and via the teacher, who wasn't even there.
Chatted to the teacher again this morning and said I was upset by how it has been handled, but reassured her I have spoken to my DS. She said not to worry about it and that they were aware it was 'easy to pin things' on my DS because he is such a 'lively character'. hmm
Have pulled myself together now, thanks to lots of comforting MN words and a lot of ranting with my DH smile

gimcrack Thu 27-Mar-14 15:40:26

I once heard ds2, aged one, mutter 'buggah' when his Thomas fell off the track.

kennyp Thu 27-Mar-14 14:38:47

a kid in the class i work in said that "bob called me a cunt". that's FAR worse, imvho ;O) (i work in reception)

rowna Thu 27-Mar-14 14:37:26

It is upsetting at first. But then you realise they're just working with you to keep him on track. It's a very minor thing and I'm surprised they mentioned it. I'd just have a word with him about it.

I don't know anybody who hasn't had to stay back and see the teacher for their dc at one time or another. They all make mistakes. It's just about keeping them on the right track going forward and working with the school to guide them.

Having said that my heart still lurches when I see the teacher coming out heading in my direction.

LucilleBluth Thu 27-Mar-14 14:16:37

What I want to know is was the child actually being a silly bastard grin

OP, don't sweat it, the parents are obvious ott, wait until they get to secondary school.

After three DCs, if my youngest came home from school and told me that someone had called her a silly bastard I would just tell her how rude in a comedy voice and explain that it's a swear word, no biggie.

AwfulMaureen Thu 27-Mar-14 14:08:45

"Were" at the party.

ForTheLoveOfSocks Thu 27-Mar-14 07:51:42

So if you was at the party, why didn't the parents take it up with you then?

They sound like fuckwits tbh grin

HaymitchAbarnathy Thu 27-Mar-14 07:46:32

I just can't get that over excited about swearing especially something as mild as bastard said by a child who does t even really know what it means. I'd probably have said that's not a nice thing to say and then had a quiet word with you during which I'd probably have shared a laugh with you about the accent element! Total over reaction on the other parents' and school's part.

RustyBear Thu 27-Mar-14 07:31:55

I think it's overreaction by the other child's parents too, but I can see why they did it - just imagine the AIBU from the other side....

"A few weeks ago, my DS came home from school and told me that a boy in his class has been teaching him to say 'silly bastard.' When I told the school they said there was no evidence the other child had done it and refused to speak to the parents - effectively accusing DS of making it up. They just held an assembly about swearing. Then on Saturday both boys were at a party and I actually heard this kid doing it again. AIBU to complain to the school to prove that DS wasn't lying?"

Supercosy Thu 27-Mar-14 07:19:04

Completely agree with adoptmama. Honestly, what a fuss on the behalf of those parents and the school. He is a very young child, they sometimes do copy things they've heard, it really doesn't warrant hauling you in and making a huge deal about it. Yanbu at all to feel upset about it and obviously you will talk to your DS but please don't be too mortified, kids do things like this all the time because they are little and they are learning and they have only been on earth for 60 months!

wonderingsoul Thu 27-Mar-14 07:06:52

the first time you get called in is embarssing.. but it wont be the last ethier... because children do fuck up, they do get in trouble.. even the best behaved child does at some point.

and for what its worth.. i think the other parent is being over the top.. i wouldnt have complained at all. i would have just told my child its not a word that they should use.

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