WIBU To bring this up?(28 Posts)
Talking with DP and a friend about gig tickets that I bought me and DP. He was 'moaning' about having to go to it, it's not his style of band but I love them. I joked that I would sell his ticket and he was jokingly calling my bluff saying I should. So I said that I had expected him to have paid for his ticket anyway. They were a lot of money and I had genuinely expected him to offer but when he didn't I wasn't going to push it.
He took great offence to this and said he thought it was a gift. So I asked him to recall the last time he bought me a gift for no reason. Not even a bar of chocolate or flowers. And he had no answer. I enjoy buying him random presents and if I see something I know he'll like I'll but it for him because I like making him happy.
But not he's saying that you don't give to receive and that I have a bad attitude
WIBU to tell him that him not buying me gifts takes the shine off things for me? I'm not talking much, it would just be nice sometimes for him to come with a bloody reduced bunch of flowers once in a while.
Well it depends... if you bought them without checking with him first and then said 'hey, guess what I've got us tickets to One Direction' (or whoever it is) then I'd consider that a gift.
If you discussed going before you bought the tickets and he was up for it then yes it would be nice for him to pay.
It was discussed before. Tickets had been sold out but more went on sale and I got some. He knew that if I could, I was going to be getting tickets. I dunno, I just assumed he would have at least offered. The 2 tickets were £90 so not an amount I can afford to just spend without thinking.
I would have left it but his constant 'moaning' about having to go was really grating on me. If he thought it was just a gift he wasn't exactly being grateful.
If whatever you are going to see was your choice and you simply bought 2 tickets because you wanted a companion at the gig then you pay for both.
Wait is the ticket for your DP? Why has he never got you anything. If you are talking about your friend going then not such a big issue
So you bought him tickets for a band he doesn't like and now you expect him to pay because he doesn't buy you flowers? And he's not acting grateful enough for his unwanted gift? Is that it?
It is never a gift to be the companion at any event one doesn't particularly enjoy. I've been the companion and I've been the person dragging the companion. Mostly I prefer to go on my own. I get more enjoyment than when I'm worrying about how much the companion might be hating it.
You bought 2 tickets hoping he would accompany you. YABU if he doesn't want to go, you can't expect him to pay for them!
It's neither here or there that he doesn't buy you things.
I agree with everyone who thinks that expensive tickets for something he doesn't like are a pretty shit gift, and am not surprised he didn't offer to pay! You're lucky he's agreed to go with you, he obviously doesn't want to, so he's already given you the 'gift' of his time and effort, which is a nice gesture in itself, tbh.
What made me bring it up was cos he got a bit annoyed when I said I would sell the ticket to my friend who would go with me. So I said 'well I can't really afford to pay for both tickets, I assumed I would get money for the second one'
Yabu - would you pay lots of money to see a band you don't like?
But surely if he is giving me the gift of his time then him moaning about it is just as tacky as me bringing up the cost?
I think your DP is a bit of a jerk, actually. DH and I go to things we don't especially love, because we know the other person does, and we don't moan before, during, or after about how it's not our kind of thing, either.
Sure, you probably shouldn't expect him to pay for his ticket if you bought them. But I think what you are really annoyed about is that he would never have thought to buy YOU the tickets (or anything else) in the first place.
I do think you need to talk it out with him and let him know as nicely as possible that you would appreciate more gestures of affection, and yes, that includes the occasional (small and inexpensive perhaps!) gift.
"But not he's saying that you don't give to receive and that I have a bad attitude"
Fine words from someone who doesn't give at all . Defensive.
But back to the situation ... you bought tickets to see a band that you know he's not into. If it were me, I would expect to pay for both tickets. If I knew someone else who wanted to see them, I'd offer to sell my second ticket to them; if not I would pay for both and offer my second ticket to DP or a friend as my companion because I'd prefer company for the event.
So that's my opinion on the who-pays-for-these-tickets. But that's not really the problem, is it, OP? You and your DP have different ways. You see a thoughtful ("if I see something I know he'll like") gift as a sign of affection, and since you get no gifts from him it's at the back of your mind that he can't feel the same about you as you do about him. It's possible. It's also possible he just doesn't see gifts that way. His 'moaning' about going to see this band has presumably just been the cherry on the top?
YABVU to expect that he would offer to pay for the ticket when he doesn't want to go and see this band anyway. If you can't afford two tickets, then find someone who wants to go, don't make him do something as a favour to you and make him pay £45 for the privilege.
I think it's a bit odd that you feel the need to recieve randoms gifts, and he's right that you don't give to receive. You are the one with the bad attitude here.
Listen to yourself. You just said ' I enjoy buying him random presents and if I see something I know he'll like I'll but it for him because I like making him happy.'
That's about what you enjoy and what you like.
It's nice to give, and I like doing that too, but let's not pretend it's entirely altruistic. It's not. Especially when you are buying a present that the recipient blatantly doesn't want and is only accepting to keep you happy.
hmmm is it Carter tickets OP? If so I'll come with you
it's not his style of band but I love them.
I don't get it. Why did you buy him a ticket?
Myself and DP have different tastes in music. I wouldn't buy him a ticket to see 'my' bands because I know he wouldn't enjoy it. It would take the shine off it for me if the person I'd taken with me was hating every moment,,!
He also wouldn't get me tickets to see
the snoozefest that is The Hobbit certain films because he'd know I'd find them dull.
I don't see why he should pay for a ticket he doesn't want. Especially £45 worth.
Wouldn't you rather go with somebody else who loves the band??why didn't you and a friend get the tickets?
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