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To be upset with my DD pushing other children!

(20 Posts)
PisforPeter Tue 25-Mar-14 21:50:21

Dd is 22 mo & a generally happy sociable child. She is an only child at present.
There is a younger boy at the CM's and she pushes him once or twice a day when he is in her way etc. I think she is possessive of the CM & and is jealous when he gets attention. He is a lovely 15mo. I work PT and she goes 3 days/week. I have tried explaining why not to do it etc but it's not really making much difference.
Any advice ??

C3P0 Tue 25-Mar-14 21:54:17

YANBU. It's bullying, and needs a firm response before becoming entrenched

CrohnicallyChanging Tue 25-Mar-14 21:54:29

The Cm needs to be dealing with it them and there, I don't think a 22 month old can understand you talking about something that happened earlier in the day. Not punishment necessarily, but maybe making a big fuss of the boy that had been pushed over so she learns pushing doesn't get her what she wants (the cm's attention). But it sounds like normal toddler behaviour, they don't really understand that other children have feelings at that age, so concentrate in getting themselves what they want.

WooWooOwl Tue 25-Mar-14 21:58:20

She's 22 months old. You can be upset with the situation but it's a bit harsh to be upset with her.

As for the bullying comment, it's ridiculous.

Explaining won't make much difference at that age, the CM needs to deal with it instantly. You can't expect a child that young to take on board advice and remember it the next day at the CMs, but an immediate consequence that she doesn't like might make some difference. As will positive reinforcement when she is kind.

What is the CM doing to deal with it?

PeabodyRocks Tue 25-Mar-14 22:01:43

It's perfectly normal for children to push and shove to get what they want. As long as the childminder is dealing with it as it happens then she will get the message eventually. I agree with pp that she will not understand if it being dealt with out of context.

As for the bullying comment - what utter tosh!

PisforPeter Tue 25-Mar-14 22:04:14

She put her on the bottom step of stairs but DD likes sitting on that step at home, lol.
She does give extra attention to the little boy when she pushes him. She is a very good CM & is very experienced. She is not as concerned as me, I just don't like to see her hurt other children though I know she probably doesn't understand yet.

PisforPeter Tue 25-Mar-14 22:10:08


Musicaltheatremum Tue 25-Mar-14 22:10:11

My daughter became a pusher after her brother was born. (She was 2.5) it was attention seeking behaviour. Quite blatant at times. She really was outrageous at times. I used fuss over the other child. Tell her to stop it and then ignore. She is now 21 (nearly, help) and a lovely human being although she can still get bossy with her brother occasionally. He is 18 and 4 inches taller so takes no nonsense.
Just make sure the childminder is consistant and she will grow out of it.
Bullying, again, she doesn't know what it is.

notnowbernard Tue 25-Mar-14 22:13:32

She's 22m, honestly and truly I really wouldn't worry smile

Let the cm deal with it as it happens

It is totally normal behaviour

PisforPeter Tue 25-Mar-14 22:16:11

Thank you for the reassuring comments, I really appreciate it X

OlympiaFox Tue 25-Mar-14 22:16:36

There's no point in being upset with her because she's too young to understand what she's doing. It sounds like the childminder is taking care of it and the little boy is being protected. It's a normal phase, it's being properly dealt with, she'll grow out of it.

natwebb79 Wed 26-Mar-14 08:06:16

My DS is 2.4 and has just got through this phase, both at home and at the childminder's. We found a mix of distracting hom with something else and sending him to the thinking spot for a bit did the trick. He doesn't seem to do it any more, apart from that hideous hour before bed when he's knackered. Sorry, I'm actually pissing myself at the idea of a 2.2 year old 'bullying' and needing to 'nip it in the bud' grin

Mouthfulofquiz Wed 26-Mar-14 08:11:04

Hahahah. Friends of mine always make comments about my DS's toddler behaviour - asking why he does it, when he is going to stop, why does he get upset when their little DS takes his favourite toy....,, I'm getting fed up of saying IT IS NORMAL TODDLER BEHAVIOUR.
Yes of course you tell them it's wrong, move them away if you can etc etc but its still going to happen. I cannot wait for their little 'prince' to start kicking off in a few months time!
It's going to be awesome!

MammaTJ Wed 26-Mar-14 08:16:58

The childminder is not concerned, is dealing with it at the time. Your child is too young for you to be able to deal with it later, it has to be done immediately. There is nothing for you to do.

Bithurt Wed 26-Mar-14 08:22:00

Pisforpeter, I have no advice for you but my son is the same age and does the same. Started a couple of weeks ago. The Hv said to try the naughty step but it doesn't bother him either. My mum tried putting him in the vestibule for 2 mins and he waved to her through the glass. He now goes in there himself regularly. He has no favourite toy to take away for a while.

I have no idea what to try and am worrying that people will stop askng us over if it continues.

pixiepotter Wed 26-Mar-14 08:39:30

C3PO do you know what bullying actually is?

claraschu Wed 26-Mar-14 08:41:53

Completely normal behaviour for her age-

AwfulMaureen Wed 26-Mar-14 08:52:52

It's not bullying! She's practically a baby still. Once she gets to about two and a half then she'll understand more. The CM needs to watch for the flashpoints and stop this happening BEFORE it happens.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 26-Mar-14 08:54:22

As most posters said, pushing a playmate isn't unusual at this age. Once or twice a day isn't a bullying vendetta. At home I expect you would spot situations in advance, distract DD before the behaviour starts by jollying her along and suggesting another activity. The CM needs to have eyes in the back of her head when dealing with more than one charge. All I can suggest is practise kind behaviour and gentle gestures at home or out and about and praise her for these.

lola88 Wed 26-Mar-14 09:46:55

It can be upsetting when your child hits or pushes you feel like it's your fault unfortunately it's normal. DS hasn't got to hitting other children yet but when he hits me I tell him I will not play with him if he hits me it does the trick as he wants to play if he continues he goes to sit on his bed alone for 2 mins. I think tbh being hit by other kids has shown him that it's not nice to be hit as he's not hitting very often now he's been hit by his friends a good few times and their mothers are usually more upset than I am by it. It's horrible to see your child hurt other children.

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