To ask DH to give me money for some new shoes for DD instead of getting me a Mothers day present

[VulvaVoom]

don't get me wrong, i would love a gift but almost 18 month old DD is rapidly growing out of her shoes. WIBU to suggest we get her some shoes instead - i definitely can't afford to pay for them.

[CalamitouslyWrong]

Surely you should both be paying for your DD's shoes. Not just you.

[nancy75]

Unless money is tight I don't understand why it needs to be either /or?
I take it DD belongs to your DH?

[ilovesooty]

Surely he should be looking after his daughter's needs anyway? Seems reasonable to put her first rather than buying gifts though.

[BrianButterfield]

Of course she needs shoes but don't be a mummy martyr - it's ok for you to have nice things too even if it's just some chocolate or a bunch of daffs.

[Artandco]

Surely you just tell him she needs shoes and whoever goes to the shop with her. Nothing to do with Mother's Day

No reason why he can't get her to scribble on a homemade card and give breakfast in bed. Actually get yourself a lie in on sun and send him and dd to get the shoes

[Morloth]

What? Just What? You can't actually think this is a reasonable arrangement can you?

[londonrach]

Don't understand why you not sharing cost of shoes. Get dh to get your dd to make a card for you for mothers day

[NancyJones]

I'm not even sure I can be bothered to comment.

Really? really? I feel like I must live in a parallel universe sometimes. You know, one where money is family money and if my child needed shoes it would come out of that money without me having to worry about asking for it!

Why the hell do these people procreate with each other?

[pointythings]

Your DD's shoes should be coming out of your household budget, which should be set at a level which can accommodate the kind of things children regularly need. This should not be an issue. If it is, you have some talking to do with your DH.

[MairzyDoats]

YANBU to have to ask really

[PatsysPyjamas]

I don't see what is so terrible about the OP suggesting they jointly buy their daughter some shoes. Am I missing something? I wouldn't much enjoy a present either if I knew the money should be spent on essentials.

Hopefully your DH will recognise that a lie-in, a homemade card from your DD and breakfast in bed cost almost nothing.

[VulvaVoom]

I think this thread has been misunderstood -probably the way I've worded it. we could go half on t.e shoes and we both work - he's also a very nice DH. I was just wondering if its an unreasonable thing to ask for? I could get flowers or choc but i would rather get DD some new Clarkes

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Shoes surely come well before a Mother's Day present?

[whomadeyougod]

so some people share a house ,a life ,have children together , but dont share money , really .

[NancyJones]

Are you really struggling financially? Because if not then I don't see why you can just tell him your dd needs new shoes and he buys them or gives you the money for them. What does if have to do with Mother's Day ?

[NancyJones]

I agree, whomadeyougod!
People seem happy to share bodily fluids but not finances. It makes no sense to me.

[BrianButterfield]

You're still a person. Don't do the "oh, nothing for me, I only care about the children" thing. Ask for something you want. You still exist, you are not just Mummy.

[Morloth]

I don't really see the connection between the DD needing shoes and you having a mothers day card unless you guys can't afford both.

If that is the case then obviously the baby gets her shoes.

Your OP reads like he has all the money and you have to pay for everything for the baby.

Which quite frankly makes him sound like a prick.

[FabBakerGirl]

you could go halves? Do you have enough money or not?

[VulvaVoom]

And Nancy, why did you comment then? your confounding about 'why do these people procreate' is really quite offensive. we've been married 5 years, together for 12, have 1 child, own our house and have a joint account together but you don't know that and choose to make some blithe, throwaway comment about my life. Pretty poor.

[Morloth]

Maybe re-read your OP and you will see why people have reacted the way they have.

[nancy75]

I'm sorry i still don't understand, is there enough money to buy both?
Can't the shoes come from the joint account?

[littlebluedog12]

So you mean instead of you paying your 'half' for the shoes, he buys them but in exchange you don't get a mothers day present? Do you also go halves on nappies? Wipes? Every time she needs new clothes?

Seems an odd way to divide your finances when you have kids, don't you have a joint account?

[VulvaVoom]

oh my goodness, this is getting out of hand. I didn't say i wouldn't get a card. Id rather sort DD out than get some perfume or whatever. i didn't realise it was expected that the man would saw for everything. DH probably would, i just thought we'd rate some cash. This has boggled me.

[VulvaVoom]

pay - am on phone