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To ask DH to give me money for some new shoes for DD instead of getting me a Mothers day present

(69 Posts)
VulvaVoom Tue 25-Mar-14 21:16:58

don't get me wrong, i would love a gift but almost 18 month old DD is rapidly growing out of her shoes. WIBU to suggest we get her some shoes instead - i definitely can't afford to pay for them.

CalamitouslyWrong Tue 25-Mar-14 21:18:30

Surely you should both be paying for your DD's shoes. Not just you.

nancy75 Tue 25-Mar-14 21:18:39

Unless money is tight I don't understand why it needs to be either /or?
I take it DD belongs to your DH?

ilovesooty Tue 25-Mar-14 21:20:04

Surely he should be looking after his daughter's needs anyway? Seems reasonable to put her first rather than buying gifts though.

BrianButterfield Tue 25-Mar-14 21:23:28

Of course she needs shoes but don't be a mummy martyr - it's ok for you to have nice things too even if it's just some chocolate or a bunch of daffs.

Artandco Tue 25-Mar-14 21:27:41

Surely you just tell him she needs shoes and whoever goes to the shop with her. Nothing to do with Mother's Day

No reason why he can't get her to scribble on a homemade card and give breakfast in bed. Actually get yourself a lie in on sun and send him and dd to get the shoes

Morloth Tue 25-Mar-14 21:29:01

What? Just What? You can't actually think this is a reasonable arrangement can you?

londonrach Tue 25-Mar-14 21:31:34

Don't understand why you not sharing cost of shoes. Get dh to get your dd to make a card for you for mothers day

NancyJones Tue 25-Mar-14 21:32:23

I'm not even sure I can be bothered to comment.

Really? really? I feel like I must live in a parallel universe sometimes. You know, one where money is family money and if my child needed shoes it would come out of that money without me having to worry about asking for it!

Why the hell do these people procreate with each other?

pointythings Tue 25-Mar-14 21:33:01

Your DD's shoes should be coming out of your household budget, which should be set at a level which can accommodate the kind of things children regularly need. This should not be an issue. If it is, you have some talking to do with your DH.

MairzyDoats Tue 25-Mar-14 21:34:12

YANBU to have to ask really sad

PatsysPyjamas Tue 25-Mar-14 21:37:36

I don't see what is so terrible about the OP suggesting they jointly buy their daughter some shoes. Am I missing something? I wouldn't much enjoy a present either if I knew the money should be spent on essentials.

Hopefully your DH will recognise that a lie-in, a homemade card from your DD and breakfast in bed cost almost nothing.

VulvaVoom Tue 25-Mar-14 21:40:19

I think this thread has been misunderstood -probably the way I've worded it. we could go half on t.e shoes and we both work - he's also a very nice DH. I was just wondering if its an unreasonable thing to ask for? I could get flowers or choc but i would rather get DD some new Clarkes

FunkyBoldRibena Tue 25-Mar-14 21:40:46

Shoes surely come well before a Mother's Day present?

whomadeyougod Tue 25-Mar-14 21:41:30

so some people share a house ,a life ,have children together , but dont share money , really .

NancyJones Tue 25-Mar-14 21:44:14

Are you really struggling financially? Because if not then I don't see why you can just tell him your dd needs new shoes and he buys them or gives you the money for them. What does if have to do with Mother's Day ?

NancyJones Tue 25-Mar-14 21:45:45

I agree, whomadeyougod!
People seem happy to share bodily fluids but not finances. It makes no sense to me.

BrianButterfield Tue 25-Mar-14 21:46:20

You're still a person. Don't do the "oh, nothing for me, I only care about the children" thing. Ask for something you want. You still exist, you are not just Mummy.

Morloth Tue 25-Mar-14 21:46:52

I don't really see the connection between the DD needing shoes and you having a mothers day card unless you guys can't afford both.

If that is the case then obviously the baby gets her shoes.

Your OP reads like he has all the money and you have to pay for everything for the baby.

Which quite frankly makes him sound like a prick.

FabBakerGirl Tue 25-Mar-14 21:48:53


you could go halves? Do you have enough money or not?

VulvaVoom Tue 25-Mar-14 21:49:18

And Nancy, why did you comment then? your confounding about 'why do these people procreate' is really quite offensive. we've been married 5 years, together for 12, have 1 child, own our house and have a joint account together but you don't know that and choose to make some blithe, throwaway comment about my life. Pretty poor.

Morloth Tue 25-Mar-14 21:50:27

Maybe re-read your OP and you will see why people have reacted the way they have.

nancy75 Tue 25-Mar-14 21:51:48

I'm sorry i still don't understand, is there enough money to buy both?
Can't the shoes come from the joint account?

littlebluedog12 Tue 25-Mar-14 21:52:01

So you mean instead of you paying your 'half' for the shoes, he buys them but in exchange you don't get a mothers day present? confused Do you also go halves on nappies? Wipes? Every time she needs new clothes?

Seems an odd way to divide your finances when you have kids, don't you have a joint account?

VulvaVoom Tue 25-Mar-14 21:53:42

oh my goodness, this is getting out of hand. I didn't say i wouldn't get a card. Id rather sort DD out than get some perfume or whatever. i didn't realise it was expected that the man would saw for everything. DH probably would, i just thought we'd rate some cash. This has boggled me.

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