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To be at the end of my tether and want to run away?

(10 Posts)
MrsDrRanj Tue 25-Mar-14 11:03:12

I am a single parent in my 20s with a (as of yesterday) 2 year old DC.

My parents have recently separated in the last few weeks (due to an affair) and things have been awful. My dad doesn't have a lot of friends and his family isn't very supportive so he has been offloading on me. As as my mum. My DS turned two yesterday and I spent half the day hearing my dad bitching about my mum, and the other half hearing my mum bitch about my dad.

I have seriously struggled with mental health issues in the past, and I feel like this is pushing me to the verge of something horrible which I can't afford to go through right now.

I just want to take my DS away for a few days and leave them to it.

I have about 200 quid going spare (that would need to include travel and food) do you think I could manage it? Or indeed should I even do it?

Any advice or hand holding is welcome


Goldmandra Tue 25-Mar-14 11:08:18

Unless you live with them you shouldn't need to spend money to get away.

Just explain clearly that they need to work this out between them and you can't be piggy in the middle.

If you run away this time, what will you do in a couple of weeks when you want to do it again and don't have the money going spare?

If you can't be that blunt, tell them you're going somewhere and just be at home of go out for the day with your DS.

BlackeyedSusan Tue 25-Mar-14 11:08:31

I think you need to tell them to shut the fuck up as it is not fair making you pick sides. (your op has made me that cross.. and I am only reading about it second hand. )

saidnooneever Tue 25-Mar-14 11:12:27

The only break you need is time away from your parents. Let them know that you're not going to listen to thier moaning and that you're not going to take sides.

Have a nice day out with your ds and leave them to it. Ignore them and think about yourself.

ElleMcFearsome Tue 25-Mar-14 11:12:53

I really feel for you. When my parents separated (since reconciled...) they both dumped all over me and turned my childhood memories into a train wreck. It was incredibly hurtful and difficult. Parents should not make their children, even their adult children, party to their marital unhappiness. If you can (and I couldn't) I think you need to explain that you can't be caught in the middle and that they both need to respect the fact that you want to have a relationship with both of them (assuming that this is the case?)

You absolutely need to prioritise yourself and your wellbeing, which will enable you to care for your DS. If this means having a few days away then go for it! I don't suppose you have friends you could stay with somewhere? if not, find a cheapie Premier Inn or something (often cheap mid week), turn off phone and go - get some time for you and your DS without an emotional shit-storm breaking all around you!

ButEmilylovedhim Tue 25-Mar-14 11:28:20

Aw, that sounds really difficult, so sorry to hear that. I've had depression in the past too and something that I've learned is that I really do need to guard my mental health. Could you say to them that you can't listen to them tearing each other apart. It's not fair to put you in the middle like this when (presumably) you love them both.

I think some time away would be very good. It might be enough money if you could find a cheapish b and b. Of course they might just carry on where they left off on your return. But it might give you some strength.

Are they phoning you or coming to your house? Maybe screen calls to reduce the number you answer, or invent someone at the door, things in the oven, your ds needs changing etc to cut short the calls. If they're at your house much harder of course. Much easier said than done though I know.

Don't be afraid to go back to the gp for help either. I was worried for you when you said you feel on the verge of something horrible. Would your gp be supportive? Mine were good as a listening ear even if I didn't need medication at that time.

I want to send you an unmumsnetty hug and thanks Take good care x

ButEmilylovedhim Tue 25-Mar-14 11:36:26

Also really cross for you that they spoilt your ds' birthday by talking about themselves all yesterday angry. Don't feel at all bad about looking out for yourself in this. They certainly have no such qualms.

Joysmum Tue 25-Mar-14 12:26:04

I've been in this position as I really wanted to help ease the pain of both my parents when they split up.

I needed to explain how much I love them both and that I knew they were hurting but I was hurting too and needed to maintain relationships with them both as my parents. They wouldn't have put me in the middle when they were together, I needed that to continue during and after the split.

Any parents going through a break up need to bare that in mind and not offload onto your kids or play games using them as pawns. It hurts your children when you hurt your ex.

archshoes Tue 25-Mar-14 13:26:53

Absolutely you should have a break.
Take your little one and go.

I have found in the past that even just going somewhere 50 miles away for 3 days is enough to give me a break - though I didnt take the kids with me.

Find a cheap b&b in a safe area?

jay55 Tue 25-Mar-14 14:25:49

Go on have a couple of days away. Don't think of it as running away but as giving your baby a nice birthday treat just the 2 of you.

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