Pregnant friend giving advice on breastfeeding

[Rebeccalikesgin]

My friend is pregnant and I have recently had a little girl who is 4 months old. I really struggled with breastfeeding at the beginning, with the latch, and the sore nipples etc and she witnessed me nursing quite early on in loads of pain. I persevered (proud of myself, and massive respect for every woman who has ever breastfed, ever!) and have only just stopped breastfeeding as dd seemed to not like it by more and preferred a bottle (feeling v guilty and sad about this)

Said friend smugly told me the other week that had I gone to the NCT class on breastfeeding and watched the video then I would not have had all the problems I had in the first few weeks.

AIBU to think that she's a total cow for saying this and that I hope she realises when she has her baby soon? Her baby hasnt seen the flipping video has it! It's really annoyed me!

I'm sure I wasn't this righteous and know it all when I was pregnant!!

Xx

[FlyLikeABird]

Yup, she's a total cow. YANBU.

I had to be peeled from the ceiling for the first few weeks of breastfeeding. Many more weeks for it to be bearable.

[scarffiend]

Yanbu, just because she has got the theory doesn't mean that baby will be happy or able to feed! Or that she will produce enough, or develop mastitis or anything else that can hamper a new mother breast feeding her baby. Having said that, a lot of people seem to be experts on these things when it happens to them, and the best way to deal with that is smile, nod and agree. and promptly ignore

[nevergoogle]

best to just ignore. sounds like she's just spouting stuff she's learned at a class aimed to reassure her and passing it off as her wisdom now.

fwiw, second time around, even with a perfect latch and lovely baby who had read the manual and somehow watched the dvd's before he was born, i still had pain and sore nipples for the first week or so.

the first baby however, had not done his homework.

[shakinstevenslovechild]

I didn't go to any classes at all and luckily managed to breastfeed all mine with no problems at all, my friend went to every class, support group an everything else going and she really struggled, there is no rhyme or reason to it at all, some people can, some struggle, some can't and some don't want to, the sooner some women stop pressurising the rest of us about how we can, can't or don't want to do feed our children the better imo.

[NobodyLivesHere]

She will soon realise how daft she is. Just sit and wait.

[MyNameIsKenAdams]

"Ah well, no doubt you will find it a breeze"

Then sit in wait.

[Famzilla]

I didn't go to any classes and still and BF DD at 1 year old.

I am lucky. It had nothing to do with paying loads of money to watch a stupid video.

[mummybare]

Well I went to the NCT breastfeeding session and was exactly the same as you in the first couple of weeks. Console yourself with the fact that she could be having a BIG wake-up call very soon.

[Onsera3]

Ha ha you can have all the advice in the world but until you have some personal experience to attach it to it doesn't mean much.

I saw all my nieces and nephews breastfed, incl while I was pregnant. Went to a 2hr class on it (given by midwives who'd never had children!) and it all sounds so straightforward doesn't it? I cried plenty over it in the first couple of weeks.

It's hard to practise a new skill when you're exhausted from birth. It doesn't matter how much theory you know. Even if you do know exactly how to do it, it doesn't mean it won't be hard. My sister had plenty of pain and problems bf her fourth child. She knew how to bf!

She may be one of the lucky ones but most people I know struggled initially.

YANBU. It was mean of her to say that to you.

[waterrat]

If this helps a friend of mine who is a midwife actually cried with guilt when she realised how shit and glib her breastfeeding advice had been - she says she is mortified that she told women the pain wasn't a big deal - after she has now been through the agony with all three of her children - experience didn't help her either

I went on the NCT course and read books and had one to one support in hospital - I still found bf absolutely agonising in the first month

Don't let it get to you she is just ignorant I had no idea before I did it either

[HumphreyCobbler]

She sounds most annoying.

I breastfed two children for a VERY long time but still found my third son really, really hard to feed in the first few weeks. In fact, I am still struggling rather at six months.

[Millyblods]

Ooooo bet you just want to wallop her one (not that its allowed of course) for being such a know it all. Well done you. It took me and my first baby at least 4 months to get the hang of breastfeeding before it became natural. Then it really was much easier. I breastfed her for 3 years then stopped when my second baby was born and it was much easier for me with him. Fed him for 3 and a half years. It is a big learning process in the beginning though.

[Rebeccalikesgin]

shakinstevens you're so right there is so much pressure. I really gave myself a hard time for finding it hard and I totally see why people stop early on. Glad I managed it for the 4 months but still feel awful for stopping!

And thank you all for confirming that IANBU about so called smug friend

X

[chattychattyboomba]

I didn't go to any bloody classes- no amount could have changed the fact I had very flat nipples and engorged breasts which DD just could not latch onto without me having to express some milk out (causing more supply- more engorgement) then 'tweak' my nips out, then QUICK try to latch her, then because of her colic i would get 2 minutes of sucking followed by screaming and repeat the process. I still persevered (with the aid of a nipple guard) for 6 months. Your 'friend' obviously has no clue. YANBU.

[ENormaSnob]

She is an irritating nob.

[bobot]

Maybe she meant "it's a shame everyone doesn't have access to proper breastfeeding support as so many problems can be prevented. It's awful that you had to struggle for so long."

[Millyblods]

You said you feel guilty and sad for stopping OP. Would you like to restart breastfeeding? There are lots of reasons why your baby might have seemed to have been fussy about feeding. Lots of them can be overcome and go on to feed long term.

[Finola1step]

Ah yes, the breast feeding videos. The NCT breast feeding workshops and group discussions. I remember them well.

Flipping shame really that ds didn't listen and watch carefully, what with him being in the womb and all.

All they did for me was make me feel like a complete failure when I struggled to feed him. I had fallen for their message "almost all mothers can (and should) breast feed" hook, line and sinker. Almost pushed me into PND.

So, nod and smile as she does not yet know what she is talking about. Her baby may well latch on easily and breast feeding may be a dream for them. But I would put money on it being something else. Regular nappy rash, cradle cap, etc. We all, unfortunately, end up struggling with one thing or another, just different things.

So your friend is being very insensitive but it comes from believing in what she has been told 100% rather than from a place of malice IYSWIM.

Congratulations on your baby

[Finola1step]

Oh and at these workshops and in these videos, they never tell you about the sheer toe curling pain, do they?

[Rebeccalikesgin]

I don't think she meant to be condescending. I just think she doesn't have a clue. I had plenty of support, hospital, midwives and hv's were all brilliant but it still bloody hurts doesn't it

[CloverHeart]

I love it when first time mums get slapped with reality. I can say this as someone who had no expectations and no ideas about what I'd be doing

Just smile and nod while the smug look is duly wiped from her face as she delicately applies lanolin to her very swollen nips!

[MichelloBarner]

She'll learn.

She might be one of those women who takes to it like a duck to water and never looks back they are worst IME, like those very thin women who cannot imagine a day in their lives being over a size 8 and who truly think the rest of us must dine exclusively on doughnuts and pizza, so mystified are they by our thighs or on the other hand she might not get that lucky......

When that happens remember not to crow, just suggest she watches some youtube tutorials on how to get baby to latch on properly.

[Rebeccalikesgin]

Thank you Finola xx

[Rebeccalikesgin]

Thanks MichelloBarna (hahaha!) I am not going to say I told you so I will of course offer help and support and then go home and crow to my DP

[softlysoftly]

Oh just sit back and think that unless she is a regular nipple clamp user who likes to cheese grater them on a weekend it WILL hurt and she WILL learn.

DD2 was a dream and fed until a year but it still hurt for the first week as at the end of the day nipples need to toughen up and I call bullshit on anyone that says different.