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AIBU about housework chores?

(61 Posts)
Joanne279 Mon 24-Mar-14 14:52:54

Hey everyone.

Dh and I have different opinions on this one and wondered what you thought.

Dh works 30 hours a week. I gave up my job to be a SAHM after dd was diagnosed with autism and needs a lot of help. Plus, we have 2 other children.

Dh thinks he gets to do sod all, seriously, taking his plate or cup to the sink is too much. Don't even get me started on dirty clothes on the floor!

I get I am the sah parent, but he works a 4 day/30 hr a week job and does absolutely sod all while I cook, clean and watch 3 kids, one with autism who takes a lot of time and care.

AIBU to ask he does a small percentage of the housework, say 10-15%? Or a few designated jobs? Ie, empty the bin etc

Cheers in advance x

MrsKoala Mon 24-Mar-14 17:26:53

Does he care about the sex life? Or not that bothered? Some people would rather have a wank and not have to wash up!

ICanSeeTheSun Mon 24-Mar-14 17:28:26

DS has ASD so I know how hard it is.

DH don't do much housework, but he picks up after himself.

expatinscotland Mon 24-Mar-14 17:29:19

What a lazy arse tosser.

Sirzy Mon 24-Mar-14 17:30:18

DS is 4. He is expected to put his dishes in the kitchen and his washing in the wash basket.

I would use the "if it's not in the basket it's not washed" method that people sometimes use with teens with him. When he has no clean clothes he will soon realise you mean it!

MaryWestmacott Mon 24-Mar-14 17:31:25

Also OP, looking at his shift pattern, you could work part time in the mornings, he could do the school run (and some cleaning!) in the mornings. I would highly recommend you get finanical independence from this man, so he can't use the "your job is the children" as his excuse for laziness.

JapaneseMargaret Mon 24-Mar-14 17:34:00

Yes, good point. DS 5 and DD 3 clear their plates from the table and put their clothes in the laundry basket.

He sounds like the worst sort of ineffectual lump of a man. No wonder you no longer fancy him.

Overall, it doesn't sound like much of a relationship for you at all.

PreviousCountryGirlTurnedCityC Mon 24-Mar-14 17:39:53

His attitude is fresh from the 1950s. Did his mother do absolutely everything in his home growing up?

Estrellita Mon 24-Mar-14 17:40:26

Lazy, selfish man. I am at home with just one toddler and though I probably do about 75% of chores my DH is great and incredibly helpful when he's home. He works about 45 hours a week, with no commute. He cooks about 2 nights a week or clears up if I've done the cooking. Bathes the baby, helps put her to bed and gets up at night if needed. Takes the bins out every night, will garden, clean bathrooms, wash the car or DIY at weekends. I do shopping, most cooking, day to day house admin, laundry, dusting, hovering, change beds (and the really obsessive compulsive shit like cleaning the kitchen cabinets and skirting boards). Marriage is happy and sex life is good. I would never in a million years put up with a lazy man. Never. Stop enabling him OP.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Mon 24-Mar-14 17:52:01

Does he expect you to do all the house admin too like bill paying and getting best quotes for insurance etc? Or always being the one who makes sure the kids have what they need at school are in right place with the right kit for clubs? Don't forget to factor those things into a fair distribution of overall workload.

NearTheWindymill Mon 24-Mar-14 18:00:30

Umm. My DH works about 14 hours a day and half a day at weekends. I also work full-time but we have older teenagers.

I do most of the house stuff - organising and admin. DH does the bins and the garden and the outside wiping down. I do the food shopping and all cooking and washing/drying, dishwashering, etc. I work about 9 hours a day compared to DH's 14 and I think that's fair.

Nobody in this house, not even the teenagers leave their cups and plates for other people to put in the dishwasher, neither do they leave their dirty clothes on the floor for other people to pick up. They know where the linen basket it.

He needs to get real - my teenagers are more responsible.

Joanne279 Mon 24-Mar-14 18:03:31

I do all the admin. Banking. School stuff. Pay bills. You name it, I do it x x

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