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to be absolutely seething with male friend

(45 Posts)
megamuffin Mon 24-Mar-14 11:34:32

I was with friends at the weekend watching an episode from a popular tv series in which a woman was fighting off a rapist. It was very uncomfortable to watch so I went out to the kitchen saying 'can you imagine how scared you would be if you was getting raped'.

One of the blokes then piped up and had the following to say (its not word for word but its a good as I recall)

Bloke - oh I just wouldn't be raped.

Me- what?

Bloke - I just wouldn't get raped.

Me- well what if they're stronger then you?

Bloke- No sorry I just don't see how a woman can get raped if she really didnt want to. I dont see how a man can hold her down, get her trousers off and do all that if she was trying to get away.

Me-(very shocked) Are you for real? Im sure I can arrange for you to ask a rape victim, theres millions of them...

He quickly turned down my offer and I left very soon after. AIBU to be shocked at his ignorance and want to punch him in the face repeatedly?! Needless to say, I do not want to be friends with people who hold such views!

AnyFucker Mon 24-Mar-14 11:35:32

What a tool

ArtexMonkey Mon 24-Mar-14 11:37:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Mon 24-Mar-14 11:37:34

What an utter twat. If Mike Tyson decided he wanted a piece of your friend's anus then he would be taking it regardless of whether he wanted bumsex or not. It sounds like your friend is quite thick. Most people with sense realise that being overpowered by someone larger than you (and possibly armed) is entirely feasible.

UnicornCrisps Mon 24-Mar-14 11:37:52

What a fucking idiot.

UnicornCrisps Mon 24-Mar-14 11:39:23

It's not even about physical strength, it's easy to just freeze with fear.

SavoyCabbage Mon 24-Mar-14 11:40:03

How can he think that? Does he really think he is stronger than every person in the whole world?

Pigletin Mon 24-Mar-14 11:44:14

I really hope he doesn't have to find out either first hand or via a close relative that rape can happen to anyone (even him).

How old is he - this sounds like the opinion of a smug know-it-all teenager...although most teenagers are smarter than that.

KatnipEvergreen Mon 24-Mar-14 11:44:28

Sadly I think these views are rather common, among women and rape trial juries as well. Especially when the victim has frozen with fear and was not able to fight.

It's kind of a defence mechanism and distancing "This wouldn't happen to me, I would fight back. I am not like that victim. " But a very damaging view when it comes to getting rape convictions.

megamuffin Mon 24-Mar-14 11:45:40

He seemed quite smart with a good job etc. It shocked me because I've never met anyone with the same views and I can't stop thinking about it. Its just made me so angry as up until now I regarded him as a lovely person to be around.

spongebob13 Mon 24-Mar-14 11:46:41

exactly UnicornCrisps. some people have no filter. its ridiculous. its a lot more common and how was he to know it never happened anyone belonging to him or you. I hate that. I don't wanna say "oi I know what I'm talking about" when I hear stuff like that, like when MIL mentioned that "they were probably asking for it" discussing a case at the kitchen table before. I just had to get up and leave.

though am feeling invisible seeing as I mentioned I was raped before in a previous thread and it was totally ignored, having a bad day

megamuffin Mon 24-Mar-14 11:47:22

It's not a teenagers views, he's mid twenties.

NeonMuffin Mon 24-Mar-14 11:48:29

He's a dick, but views like that are not uncommon sadly. I've even heard women make similar comments.

AnyFucker Mon 24-Mar-14 11:49:51

Give some people some rope, they hang themselves

Or, when someone tells you what they are, believe them

Was this friend a potential romantic interest, OP ? I recommend you drop him like a hot potato forthwith either way

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Mon 24-Mar-14 11:52:25

What a dick. Hope he keeps his awful opinion to himself in future, I would try not to see him very much if that is what he really thinks.

spongebob I'm so sorry sad

spongebob13 Mon 24-Mar-14 11:56:09

coffethrowtrampbitch thank u thanks I probably sound attention seeking but seeing as only my partner knows in rl its hard to keep bottled sometimes.

Saltysnack Mon 24-Mar-14 11:58:11

Spongebob, I'm really sorry for what happened to you. And that your relatives make comments like that, how depressing. I find it hard to understand how anybody, man or woman, can pretend not to understand the gulf in physical strength between men and women.

When it nearly happened to me, it was still an eye opener as to how quickly it could have happened, and powerless I was to stop it. He knew exactly what he was doing in terms of where to position my arms and his body sad. My flatmate arrived home and that put him off thank goodness

OP, your friend is a tool. Try to educate him though, you'll be doing him a favour

MrsMcEnroe Mon 24-Mar-14 12:00:39

spongebob I'm very sorry that happened to you. Are you OK? (Daft question but I hope you know what I mean) x

megamuffin well done for challenging his appalling viewpoint! Hopefully he will go away and think long and hard about his attitude to rape ...

AnyFucker Mon 24-Mar-14 12:02:59

sponge I am sorry that happened to you and that it was missed on a previous thread

my MIL (who I usually love to pieces) is a fucking PITA when it comes to all the cases recently about historic sex abuse eg. J Savile

she says stuff like "in my day you just got on with it, it's normal for men to grope young girls, they have always done it and it is ridiculous to complain about it now"


DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 24-Mar-14 12:04:39

And of they had a gun or a knife?hmm


DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 24-Mar-14 12:04:54


DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 24-Mar-14 12:05:57


PlumProf Mon 24-Mar-14 12:09:55

Dame don't go down that route. Of course women are raped where there is no knife or gun. Nobody should doubt that for a moment.

I have been witness to a trial where the only defence was exactly as the OP describes: you can't force someone who doesn't want to. Hopefully barristers are not allowed to say such patently stupid things any more. This one was trying to give the analogy of a penny and a bottle, saying that if you were holding a bottle and someone else was trying to put a penny in it then they would never manage if you didn't let them. UNbelievable.

KatnipEvergreen Mon 24-Mar-14 12:10:15

I naively put myself in a position where I could have been raped, once when I was 17, just out of being too polite/unassertive and getting myself in a position where I was alone, overnight with someone being persistent in their attentions, let's say. Luckily he did stop pestering me after I kept telling him to leave me alone, and a firmly zipped up sleeping bag helped

spongebob13 Mon 24-Mar-14 12:10:55

thanks guys now feel little blush anyfucker u described my mil to a tee. happened years ago while in a relatioship hence why told no one didnt even think it was that til I told dp. anyways u were right to stand up to him op.

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