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Not going to see MIL on Mother's Day?

(52 Posts)
Doingakatereddy Sun 23-Mar-14 19:27:52

Apologies for getting in on the whole Mother's Day angst.

First off, I don't like my MIL. It's not an all consuming dislike but I'm tired of trying, sick of waiting on her hand and foot & try to just keep the peace. But...

DH wants me to go to hers on mother day with our two DC for a few hours, so we can give her flowers etc

I'd rather not go. She's not my mother (mine is AWOL), she does next to nothing to help me & I'm with the kids full time so actually few hours to myself not cleaning, ironing etc would be bliss. AIBU?

MostlyCake Sun 23-Mar-14 19:30:38


gordyslovesheep Sun 23-Mar-14 19:31:20

no not at all - he can take the kids to see his mum - you get a break - seems like the perfect solution

parakeet Sun 23-Mar-14 19:31:35

YANBU. She's his mother. He wants to see her, he is free to go.

And if your idea of a blissful mother's day is a bit of me-time then that's just killing two birds with one stone, isn't it?

PunkAssMoFo Sun 23-Mar-14 19:33:13


Don't go. Leave dh & dc to be dutiful & take some time out. It's Mother's Day for you too.

DameFanny Sun 23-Mar-14 19:33:15

Yep Yanbu. DH is taking his mother for lunch with ds, so I'm thinking I might treat myself to the second Captain America movie as my mother's day treat

Doingakatereddy Sun 23-Mar-14 19:35:32

Oh! That's good news. I thought I was been v unreasonable.

Could watch new hunger games on tv, in pj's eating cake ask to myself!! Goodness... I could even <whispers> drink hot tea and pee by myself. Thank you!

fubbsy Sun 23-Mar-14 19:35:40

YANBU at all. A few hours to yourself sounds great.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 23-Mar-14 19:37:11

Yanbu at all, dh can take the kids, and you get free mummy time.

ZenNudist Sun 23-Mar-14 19:39:18

Love it, great plan.

[Eyes 8wo ds2 and sighs.... Maybe next year]

everlong Sun 23-Mar-14 19:40:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoffeeTea103 Sun 23-Mar-14 19:42:03

Yabu I think. Don't you think that would be very hurtful to your DH? What message does this send to your kids. You can put up with a few hours.

Coldlightofday Sun 23-Mar-14 19:44:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

namechangesforthehardstuff Sun 23-Mar-14 19:45:12

Um. It's mother's day. You're a mother. End of. grin

Caitlin17 Sun 23-Mar-14 19:46:15

I suspect if you feel that way about her (and it is how I feel about mine) letting her see her darling boy and grandchildren without you is a win-win for you and her.

We don't do mother's day. Both his and mine are vehemently against it but I never visit mil with him. She would much rather have her boy to herself.

Clawdy Sun 23-Mar-14 19:46:37

Yabu. It wouldn't kill you. One day you may be the MIL!

2rebecca Sun 23-Mar-14 19:49:18

I've never been to visit my MIL on mother's day, she's not my mother. My husband will sometimes pop round. Now my kids are teenagers and his kids are at uni we may invite her round for dinner in the future but I think mothers who are actively mothering get priority and generally expect my kids to do something for me (my mum is sadly dead although I think of her more on mothers day than on many other days) although now they are teenagers if they remember to get a card I'm doing well, especially if they're at their dads that weekend! I know they love me though, they're just disorganised.

Caitlin17 Sun 23-Mar-14 19:49:40

Coffee yes what message does mothers'day send? You can bother one day of the year and send a tacky card and a "just perfect for mother" gift and that's it?

I've never seen the point of it, either as a daughter or a mother.

SaucyJack Sun 23-Mar-14 19:51:24

YANBU at all.

She's not your mum. You're not her daughter.

I'm quite sure she won't mind in the slightest to just have her son and GC there to fuss over her.

pianodoodle Sun 23-Mar-14 19:53:22

I always thought mothers day was more for mums with smaller children or children still at home.

Otherwise it would be tricky having to have a whole fuss for mum, mum's mum and dad's mum on the same day!

My mum gets a card but wouldn't expect any more.

Doilooklikeatourist Sun 23-Mar-14 19:57:19

Stay at home and enjoy Mothers day time to yourself , a well needed treat that should be available to every mother

Hoppinggreen Sun 23-Mar-14 19:59:02

I love my mil but I always tell DH that I will be spending Mothers Day with my Mum and he can spend it with his. However as I am their mother the DC's will be spending it with me!
We usually go to his mums the day before! which she is fine with as SIL always goes on Mother's Day

Finola1step Sun 23-Mar-14 19:59:57

She will love it. Her son and his dc all to herself for a couple of hours. And you get a bit of peace too.

I have a really good relationship with my MIL. She is lovely. But I know that there are times when she likes to have a bit of time with her own son on her own. And time with her own dgc on her own or with her own ds.

I hope that in years to come, I really get on well with my son's partner. I also hope that every once in a while, I might get to spend a little bit of time with my ds by himself. Not too much to ask, is it?

Enjoy your day. See them before they go and when they get back. The perfect win-win.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 23-Mar-14 21:00:08

Op is a mother too, does not have to see someone who is horrid towards her. The main thing is that dh and her grand kids go, and op germs so e Mother's Day me time.

2rebecca Sun 23-Mar-14 22:15:23

Surely the main thing is that her son goes, it's not grandmother's day, although most men who are married with young kids will just send a card and phone their own mum and fuss over the mother of their children if they are small.
When my kids are older I hope they won't feel obliged to visit me and will just wish me well and look after people doing the hard work of mothering.

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