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to feel daft talking dirty?

(26 Posts)
YourHandInMyHand Sun 23-Mar-14 15:13:32

I'm seeing someone new and he's very nice in all areas, especially the bedroom. Thing is he likes it when I talk dirty but I just feel so daft doing it! I'm like Ross in that episode of friends! blush

Has anyone else felt like this and gotten over themselves? There's no pressure from him at all but I can see it turns him on when I do manage to come out with something.

This thread is mostly light hearted but any advice is also welcome.

Bellini81 Sun 23-Mar-14 15:23:23

I can't do it... I feel so daft and false. I cringe at the thought of doing it and on the few occasions I have attempted it my voice comes out strange and robot like! Odd.

NurseyWursey Sun 23-Mar-14 15:24:09

YANBU

"what are you wearing sexy"

"umm.. a primark pajama set and toe socks'

YourHandInMyHand Sun 23-Mar-14 15:28:36

lol at Primark pjs and toe socks. grin

To be clear I mean when we are in bed together mostly, or at least face to face.

Bellini glad it's not just me. I'm comfortable with myself in every other way but I feel so silly!

MooMaid Sun 23-Mar-14 15:30:57

I used to feel a little bit like this and I know OH did, more so than me but I do enjoy it when I'm talked dirty to.

We kind of got around this by describing a fantasy in our head, that way it was less about "what I'm going to do to you" and more about what I'd like to do (in general). Or I'd sometimes repeat something I'd read in a (erotica) book that I'd like to try (but probably never would, just the fantasy out loud was stimulating) and OH would do the same from some porn scene he'd seen.

In reality, I don't think we've done much of our dirty talking fantasy but there's no pressure because it's a bit like sounding out rather than this is what i'm going to do to you.

Thing is, it's taken us a long time to get to this point and some people just don't feel comfortable doing it as they feel awkward and false. It's good your OH doesn't pressurise you and that you're willing to try though.

Hopefully some of that makes sense..... confused

TheBody Sun 23-Mar-14 15:40:57

just tell him you have been a very naughty girl and you need correcting!

usually does it then you lie back and think of David Beckham!
grin

YourHandInMyHand Sun 23-Mar-14 15:42:16

Any book recommendations MooMaid? I used to get a magazine that was along those lines but they stopped it which was a shame!

Yep he's very nice, I'm enjoying dating again after a long while single and so far he's a breath of fresh air.

AFishCalledBarry Sun 23-Mar-14 15:44:17

grin My bf and I were discussing dirty talk the other day and we decided that neither of us had a clue what it actually is blush

Tbh I think it's best if conversation flows naturally with the activity rather than being forced. If that makes sense!

YourHandInMyHand Sun 23-Mar-14 15:53:32

AFishCalledBarry - Yep I get you, and even that I struggle with.
Him "What do you want me to do to you?"
Me "Ermm........" blush and me thinking well I was rather enjoying that but now I'm all annoyed at myself for feeling embarrassed.

I'm so shy in bed! Ex completely dented my confidence in that area TBH.

fairylightsintheloft Sun 23-Mar-14 15:55:31

you have to be in the moment really, and I find a glass or two of wine beforehand helps just to loosen inhibitions. You have to be with someone you really trust and tbh, if you're on the phone or txting and they ask what you're wearing, lie. They don't have to know you're wearing Primark PJs. Also you can do a lot with inference and hints - often sexier than downright filth.

JonSnowsPout Sun 23-Mar-14 15:56:53

I cant, i tried once and we got the giggles and it desended into me and dp doing silly accents and voices to each other.

MostWicked Sun 23-Mar-14 16:00:30

I think it starts with finding words you feel comfortable saying and working from there.
"Please finger my vagina" is never going to sound hot, but you might feel ok with, "I want you inside me"
Dirty talk might not be for everyone, but being able to communicate what you want/don't want, like/don't like, is important in a good sex life.

NoArmaniNoPunani Sun 23-Mar-14 16:03:25

It always makes me think of Mrs Garrison in that southpark episode
'Oh yeah I'm a monkey, pound my monkey vag'.

I can't do it without laughing. Although laughing makes my fanny clench so does add to the proceedings

YourHandInMyHand Sun 23-Mar-14 16:06:14

Exactly MostWicked, he is rather good in bed but he's not a mind reader!
Don't get me wrong I can say stuff like that most of the time, I guess I'm refinding myself sexually - it's been a while and friends were concerned my virginity might have grown back. blush grin

In the past I've had to be fairly quiet. Parents, then house mates, then dcs whereas now I have a bit of child free time and a man which is rather nice but a new situation.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sun 23-Mar-14 16:06:52

I'm so shy in bed! Ex completely dented my confidence in that area TBH

Can you use this - sort of like a role play where you are sweet and innocent and he has to sexually corrupt you and take more of a dominant role?

MooMaid Sun 23-Mar-14 16:27:12

Ohh where shall I start - it depends on your type of thing but books wise look for the following authors, something might pique your interest

Portia De Costa - In Too Deep
JR Ward - Black Dagger Brotherhood
Lora Leigh (although can be repetitive and she's shite at editing but easy read)
Gwen Masters
Fredrica Allyn

Got a number of books and now moving them to Kindle. I was reading these way before the whole 50 shades of grey thing!!

But they're good for getting ideas in your head, and getting you in the mood lol

MooMaid Sun 23-Mar-14 16:29:58

But actually Itsall makes a good point. Playing innocent works well too (especially if you draw a blank), the whole I'm a good girl, I don't know what to do, teach me. What would you like me to do to you thing works plus you learn what he likes and subsequently learn what you like too.

Or if you don't like it then at least you know smile

ICanSeeTheSun Sun 23-Mar-14 16:31:55

I can't do it face to face but can in a text.

AmberLeaf Sun 23-Mar-14 16:33:02

You don't want to so a Simon;

Inbetweeners clip

Has to be in the moment and when you know what turns you and your partner on. Feeling unsure leads to not wanting to embarrass yourself, so you clam up.

AmberLeaf Sun 23-Mar-14 16:33:34

so a Simon = DO a Simon

SolidGoldBrass Sun 23-Mar-14 16:40:45

Finding some nice erotic fiction and reading it aloud (or indeed borrowing the dialogue, if you find something good) can be very helpful. There's certainly a lot of good erotica around, nearly all of it better than 50Shades.

Moo's recommendations are good, and I'd add KD Grace, Kay Jaybee (try The Collector, which is a kind of linked anthology of different 'everyday'-type fantasies and experiences). Though there's a lot of diversity in erotic fiction (my pet subject BTW) so it depends what you like.

I mean, there's always this one (coughs, shuffles feet) if you want something that's a bit unusual.

(Dear MNHQ I claim piano tuner privilege, OK?)

NurseyWursey Sun 23-Mar-14 16:41:28

I have the worst most common accent every too, so I sound like an idiot.

MooMaid Sun 23-Mar-14 16:45:21

Oooh Solid I'm off to have a look at those authors/book....

I hate watching porn but reading it, muuuuch better. It defo helped me sound like I knew what I was doing/saying!

Kudzugirl Sun 23-Mar-14 16:49:30

I read aloud the thread to husband then commented 'think I'll go and get undressed- it's not too early to get undressed is it?'

Husband - 'ohh has the dirty thread given you ideas?' (imagine hopeful glint in his eye)

Me- 'no I feel really bloated after that ice cream'

I guess I kind of ruined that moment didn't I?

LouiseSmith Sun 23-Mar-14 16:49:31

My DP seems to like it when I manage

"Oh he's a big boy"

He also likes to mutter something about me belonging to him in between thrusts.

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