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To not go and ask for this present?

(40 Posts)
BlueJean Sat 22-Mar-14 23:03:28

I will preface this by saying that I don't get on with my manager.I have no wish to increase the amount of contact we have. I do my job and she does hers. We have nothing else in common and have no conversations outside of work related matters.There is no animosity though, just a working relationship that does not tip over into anything remotely personal or 'fun'. She is confrontational though for no good reason and impossible to have a conversation with as she is always right. I don't speak to her unless I have to.

She went on holiday and has brought back some presents for her colleagues. She sent an email saying colleagues could come to her desk and pick what they wanted from the presents.

I didnt read the email until late in the day and realised I had seen the tacky plastic items in a colleagues desk. I decided to ignore the command as I had no wish to go and be nice just for something I neither wanted or needed.I had of course previously done the decent thing and enquired about the holiday.

She came and asked me a few days later why I hadnt come to fetch my present and wondered if perhaps I didnt want it? I avoided answering her by diverting her attention to a work question I genuinely had.

But I have mentally dug my heels in now and wonder why she doesnt just do as everyone else in the office has ever done in the same circumstances and just doled out gifts by plonking them on the desks and receiving the obligatory effusive thanks. Job done.

AIBU to keep this up(and wait for her to deliver the gift) or should I play nicely and crawl to her to get the prize I do not want?

Our Desks are mere feet apart by the way.

SantanaLopez Sat 22-Mar-14 23:05:12

Oh for god's sake stop being so petty!

AgentZigzag Sat 22-Mar-14 23:10:42

The summons to step up and choose your own raffle prize gift is a bit odd isn't it?

Why didn't she just give you the blasted present if she wanted you to have it? The email was just to needle you. Do you think she'd been fuming about it for the few days before it and it just got the better of her in the end grin

I would play the long game and wait for her to make her move.

NurseyWursey Sat 22-Mar-14 23:12:08

She's got you a gift. Stop being an arse.

Chippednailvarnish Sat 22-Mar-14 23:13:34

Wow, you have enough time in your life to spend time thinking about this. Congratulations.

Pipbin Sat 22-Mar-14 23:16:16

What a bizarre way to give out gifts.

MrsCosmopilite Sat 22-Mar-14 23:18:03

Manners are easier to come by than taste. Just take the gift, say thankyou, and let it go.

DramaAlpaca Sat 22-Mar-14 23:18:31

What AgentZigzag said ^^

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sat 22-Mar-14 23:20:31

If it was someone you were good work friends with you would have gone and got it but you don't like her so you are building this into a bigger issue than it really is. I bet she isn't giving you half as much thinking time as you are her!

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles Sat 22-Mar-14 23:20:49

YABU, she bought you a gift, be gracious and take it.
You've not painted yourself in a good light really. Odd when you say she is confrontational for no good reason; if you behave this way with her on a regular basis, it may give you some insight about what she has to put up with from you too. Just saying.

BlueJean Sat 22-Mar-14 23:23:20

Y'see , she didnt get 'me' a gift . She brought back a bag of tack for the office as a whole.Enough for everyone to have as long as they came and asked nicely for one.

The fact that she hasnt delivered one to me while asking why I hadnt appeared obediently at her desk seems to me that she just wants to hold court . If she wanted me to have the gift she would have given me the damned thing just as happens with everyone else who brings stuff back.

But I agree that I probably am being an arse. The trouble is that I have no intention of playing her game.

And yes Chippednailvarnish I am indeed very lucky that this is all I have to think about hmm

AgentZigzag Sat 22-Mar-14 23:28:56

Just realised I misread it as her sending you an email to tell you OP.

It's great you found the time in your busy and important schedule to comment on the thread Chipped.

Not every thread is about something life threatening.

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles Sat 22-Mar-14 23:45:08

Well you've made some point, I am not sure what though or what it has achieved. Seems passive aggressive on your part. I still don't think you've come out of this looking well but if you are satisfied you've not played some game (which is only your perception and not necessarily her position), you can sleep soundly. I agree with your own opinion, that you have probably been an arse about it, so fair play to you on that point.

OldBagWantsNewBag Sat 22-Mar-14 23:55:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jellypoppingcandy Sun 23-Mar-14 07:07:11

Aah she is playing the tat tastic souvenir game. Pick up the tatiest example left & display same prominently on your desk. If anyone asks where you got that tat from, smile sweetly, and say it was a gift from your manager.

CwtchesAndCuddles Sun 23-Mar-14 07:14:44

You are making a total non issue into an issue! How petty!!!!

Have some manners, accept the gift and move on.

spindlyspindler Sun 23-Mar-14 07:25:02

There obviously is some animosity from your end, rightly or wrongly. I don't see much difference between sending an email round saying there's cake or sweets on your desk, which is how we do it where I work, and this. I also think that there is a difference between not going out of your way to be chums with her and being the only person not to go to her desk for the gift, even ifit is tatty.

Finally, I think that she is your manager, andcan very easily start a paper trail to set you up as either insubordinate or incompetent, she's probably noticed you're not that keen on her, and you really need to pick your battles in that situation.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 23-Mar-14 07:29:39

I'd just say 'Oh don't worry about me, I'll just have whatever everyone else leaves behind. So anyway [work based question]' and yes, if you ever get anything left on your desk, keep it pride of place as a show the quality of your manager.

JeanSeberg Sun 23-Mar-14 07:33:03

Bosses buy their staff presents from holiday?

Jesus, what next?

The impression I get from your post is that the problem may lie more with you than with her. You sound very bitter over something extremely petty.

Joysmum Sun 23-Mar-14 07:38:58

You clearly think she's game playing so you deal with this by...game playing and raising the stakes by being passive aggressive.

You can do what you want of course but don't be surprised if your actions will have the consequence of highlighting your behavior to her and the rest of your colleagues. You'll be the first to moan if the situation worsens because your actions escalated it.

In otherwords, you're being passive aggressive and just as bad worse as she is.

whatareyoueventalkingabout Sun 23-Mar-14 08:03:47

urgh! And then you will have to keep it on your desk otherwise she will come and ask about it. YANBU

Marcelinewhyareyousomean Sun 23-Mar-14 09:59:58

I hate clutter and tat-tastic crapola. My friends and I don't buy holiday presents; work get sweets from holiday or biscuits when we get home if I CBA/ forget.

It's very odd to buy random shite and to summon everyone to the desk to select from a collection. Not sure what thought or manners your manager is showing.

In this case, I'm not sure why you MUST takes something you don't want. Your line manager has her own motives for this and should just leave you alone. What the feck is "Did you have a nice holiday" enough.

Your relationship with each other is masking this info a federal case. I don't see what's wrong about saying "No thanks. Did you have a nice holiday?". She hasn't bought you a specific and thoughtful treasure. As a LM she shouldn't be making you I uncomfortable like this.

You could rise as above this and be the bigger person, I wouldn't.

MammaTJ Sun 23-Mar-14 10:41:52

When she approached you would have been a good time to say 'Oh, we'll go over now and get it, shall we?' thereby cutting out the begging beforehand, as she had done that for you.

Now, just leave it till she mentions it again and do as I suggested.

I hate this kind of power play, it really winds me up. I happen to be rather good at not allowing people who decide to play like this win though.

poopadoop Sun 23-Mar-14 10:48:23

fgs why escalate it unless you enjoy the drama.
You should have just gone and got it or at least when she approached you said sorry I forgot, thanks so much and left it at that. Its people like you that can make workplaces hell, the ossified enmities, the pettiness. Gah! Just get on with your job and when you have to interact with someone who you aren't 'friends' with be professional and stop playing games.

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