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AIBU to want just a few days off ... My god am I the only one???

(23 Posts)
StarJumpAlertTakeCover Sat 22-Mar-14 22:42:02

On "holiday"
Yet elderly patent plants face in pavement and suffers injury/stitches to face...
And we are on our way home... To get him home from hospital.
Ok I am feeling sorry for myself....
I could weep sometimes!
Love him to bits...but help me you women...caring, supporting, feeling responsible, practical, reliable.....oh god I want to scream sometimes!

NurseyWursey Sat 22-Mar-14 22:43:20

OP I don't understand what you're saying, you must be tired thanks

pictish Sat 22-Mar-14 22:44:43

Yanbu. x

AgentZigzag Sat 22-Mar-14 22:45:13

cake wine

And a bit of sympathy too.

Have you got anyone in RL who you can call on to take a bit of pressure off you?

EverythingCounts Sat 22-Mar-14 22:46:19

So is it that you've had to come away from your holiday to help out the elderly parent? That is very unlucky. Can you get him settled and then go back? I can totally see why you'd feel sorry for yourself, especially if you've been desperate for a break. You won't be alone in that.

NurseyWursey Sat 22-Mar-14 22:49:25

Ah I get it now I thought you meant patient OP. You've ever right to feel sorry for yourself! I feel sorry for you too. Must be a nightmare. Hope you and your dad/father in law are okay x

TiramiSue Sat 22-Mar-14 22:49:39

That is very frustrating, (i was a bit confused at first as i thought you meant elderly patient and you were a nurse or something!)

But God yeah, if you really needed that break, and now you have to come home to sort everything out, that is pretty awful really. It is very hard that there is no one else around that can help you out so that you can get a break. Everyone needs a break, especially if you are in a caring role.

TSSDNCOP Sat 22-Mar-14 22:50:53

I may be off base. But wasn't there someone covering your leave, and why aren't they sorting out the poor bashed up patient?

Nomama Sat 22-Mar-14 22:51:49

That'd be parent then!

TSSDNCOP Sat 22-Mar-14 22:52:00

X-post.

Sorry OP. [Flowers] for you and your bashed up parent.

StarJumpAlertTakeCover Sat 22-Mar-14 22:53:09

I'm sorry. I'm not clear. We are away, me and DH.
Holiday cottage. 150 miles from home.
Huge effort to leave with many elements of support in place to support DF
And much guilt in leaving
Yet we deserve some time off, once a year.
But 3 days into our week off, he's had a fall...and we have to get back.
Bloody bloody hell.
Just want to hear that I am not the only one.
My mother had dementia you see...and now my father is elderly and alone.
Do you know I have raised 3 children, held down a job, kept my family together...and cared for parents and elderly relatives for 15 bloody years...
Sorry.
This is the 3rd time we have returned early from holiday.
Just give me a hug. I will be ok tomorrow. Am I the only one?

NurseyWursey Sat 22-Mar-14 23:01:43

Lots of hugs from me starjump big non-mumsnetty ones. And a offer of a wine or brew and thanks

Is there no-one else in your family?

I'm genuinely gutted for you.

If there is a heaven, you've got a lovely spot up there for the good you're doing! x

iliketea Sat 22-Mar-14 23:04:36

This might be a stupid question - but why do you have to go back? What if you were a thousand miles away? Or in hospital yourself? NHS and social services would shave to provide proper care, even if it meant a few days in respite.

Sometimes you have to look after yourself - because if you don't you'll end up ill.

(I'm aware it sound heartless, but I tell the same thing to lots of carers, because if you are essential to caring for an elderly parent(s), then you need to care for yourself too).

Good luck, I hope you can have a restful time,even if it is at home.

EverythingCounts Sat 22-Mar-14 23:05:24

Don't suppose you have travel insurance that you could claim on? flowers That is very harsh on you and I'm sorry.

EverythingCounts Sat 22-Mar-14 23:06:44

iliketea makes a good point. Wouldn't he be better off in hospital for a few days anyway if he's had a fall? Won't they keep him in?

MarvellousMabel Sat 22-Mar-14 23:08:53

What a nightmare. If he is admitted, request a family meeting where you may be able to get more support systems in place.

Gutted for you x

Theas18 Sat 22-Mar-14 23:10:24

Hugest hugs op

You are not alone.

I'm in the midst of a similar crisis. Not called back from holiday it's true but using my precious holiday leave for elderly parents in crisis.

Mum was admitted from outpatients on Wednesday and dad can't be left home alone (90, dementia etc). So she's 90 mins drive away and dads here, to be fair he's been better than I expected but I still can't go to work! Pretty narked as I reckon the the " just overnight for a transfusion" became " over the weekend" ( shit no no no !) because she has poor renal function - which us actually no worse than it was in December...

I don't appear to be able to access any emergency help with him...
Because he resides in another county..
I'm not his usual carer..
Because he doesn't need " much care" as such (eg put his clothes out and he will, excruciatingly slowly, get showered, dressed and find/use teeth hearing aid and glasses) but needs to stay safe- not wander in the garden/ kids rooms (teens, little useable floor!) and be reminded where mum is, when she'll be back etc regularly.. (And be fed and watered and entertained )

If he needed washing /dressing/ feeding getting help would be easier I reckon- pay and get it!

StarJumpAlertTakeCover Sat 22-Mar-14 23:22:00

Oh Theas this is so familiar!
Well ...
You see it's never simple.
Knowing that despite NHS support, which less face it is scoop and patch up...off you go....and sink or swim.
And I heard it in his voice today..I could hear the chin trembling...don't worry dear..I'm fine...but I desperately want to go home..
Yes I could probably abandon him. But I can't. That's it.
Too much wine tonight. Back home tomorrow.

StarJumpAlertTakeCover Sat 22-Mar-14 23:23:02

Tomorrow I will be strong again.

StarJumpAlertTakeCover Sat 22-Mar-14 23:29:37

Sibling does not engage. Take her share.
Is bullying and has no patience, no understanding..and our parent
Who to be fair, never wants her, makes excuses, and would never say..but wants me, us, each time and makes excuses for her.
I sound bitter. I am.

rabbitlady Sat 22-Mar-14 23:31:12

hugs.

goodiegoodieyumyum Sun 23-Mar-14 12:59:35

Hugs from me, I can't imagine how hard it is for you.

Normalisavariantofcrazy Sun 23-Mar-14 13:01:41

Sounds like you need some support from social services or similar, they take carer breakdown very seriously and will help you

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