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... to hate mothers day?

(33 Posts)
Pipbin Sat 22-Mar-14 19:05:07

I don't get on with my mother and it is understood that we don't do it.

However I am not a mother, this is despite my best efforts and failed IVF. It's not my fault I'm not a mother.
I know a certain amount of manning up is required here but I just find it so hard. I want a special day and to be appreciated. I'm secretly hoping that DH will get me something, or even just bring me a cup of tea (which in fairness he does everyday) from the newly adopted baby substitute cat.

Objection Sat 22-Mar-14 19:07:17

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles but I think YABU, sorry

LetZygonsbeZygons Sat 22-Mar-14 19:07:39

I feel for you OP. Im not close to my mother.

and before DC It was torture seeing mothers day cards and gifts and stuff.

and DC forgets too!

I do it now with valentines as I have no partner. and fathers day as DC has no father, theres always something isn't there?

have some thanks from me, .

OurMiracle1106 Sat 22-Mar-14 19:07:49

I know how your feeling. This year is my first without my mum who passed last may and without my gorgeous ds who was placed for adoption against my wishes. Next Sunday is going to be a bitch of a day (pardon my language) but I will get through it.

Jumpthedart Sat 22-Mar-14 19:07:54

Tell him you would like this, so it will happen.

and massive of luck to you.

Forgettable Sat 22-Mar-14 19:08:39


LetZygonsbeZygons Sat 22-Mar-14 19:09:24

Ourmiracle im so sorry to hear that. thanks for you too.

Pipbin Sat 22-Mar-14 19:10:24

I guess everyone has a special day that is hard because they've lost someone or don't have someone to spend that day with.

I shall do some manning the fuck up.

WorraLiberty Sat 22-Mar-14 19:14:43

It's a strange day for me too OP.

Mother's Day 2000 = Split up with ex DH

Mother's Day 2001 = My Sister died totally out of the blue, leaving 2 DDs aged 8yrs and 9yrs.

Mother's Day 2002 = The last time I saw my Mum alive (she died a few days later).

But at least I've had the kids to take my mind off it and cheer me up.

I hope your DH can cheer you up and make it a happy day for you too thanks

WorraLiberty Sat 22-Mar-14 19:15:22

And for OurMiracle1106 thanks

Buckteethjeff Sat 22-Mar-14 19:17:05

I hate my mother .

Gifts from pets are a winner! I used to buy myself treats of mine!

Mintyy Sat 22-Mar-14 19:17:58

I am really sorry to hear about your struggles with infertility. Of course yanbu to hate mothers day!

Can you drop heavy hints to dh? He sounds quite sensitive. Is your cat a cat or a kitten?

yorkie84 Sat 22-Mar-14 19:36:09

Yanbu Sorry about ivf. It must be awful.
I am not keen on mothers day either. Lost my lovely mum just over a week before Mothers Day 3 years ago. Every poxy email or banner or shop display hurt like mad. 2012 was equally bad when we announced our pregnancy to mil. And this year I am spending the weekend in a caravan with her. So wish it could be my mum.

Pipbin Sat 22-Mar-14 19:38:49

So sorry ourmiracle and Liberty, my problems are minor in comparison.

Mintyy. She is a year old so a cat really. But I do call her my baby kitten. We got her when I was going through round 2 and she was such a comfort.

WorraLiberty Sat 22-Mar-14 19:42:20

No your problems aren't minor at all OP

They affect you how they affect you

You've just reminded me. When I was 17yrs old I worked for Clinton Cards and sent my Brother a card that said, "Happy Father's Day from the cats" grin

Mintyy Sat 22-Mar-14 19:42:53

I don't know whether or not you are still hoping to get pregnant, but imvho having a cat or dog is a great idea when you are feeling maternal but cannot conceive. Of course its not the same as a baby, but its wonderful to have a pet ... whether you ever have children in the future or not. I quite understand.

Guitargirl Sat 22-Mar-14 19:43:52

Wow, some of you have had some spectacularly bad Mothers Days...*worra*...sad

One way of handling what you know is going to be a difficult and emotional day is to arrange something fabulous to do, something to look forward to and a reason for getting up, dressed and out of the house. I always find that time between waking up and leaving the house the most difficult.

Don't go somewhere which will be full of generations of women with flowers and eating lunch.

weirdthing Sat 22-Mar-14 19:54:11

My mum was a mum from hell. She is still alive but I don't have anything to do with her. All those advertising slogans about how much your mum loves you and how she is always there for you bla bla bla really set my teeth on edge. But as someone else says. when I was single I hated valentine's day etc - there is always something to make us feel that we are missing out. Count your blessings I say. It's the only way really.

Popcornisgood Sat 22-Mar-14 20:01:53

YANBU. Massive hugs to you.

Willdoitinaminute Sat 22-Mar-14 20:08:09

I find Mothers Day both happy and sad. It will be my 18th without my Mum and my 10th as a mum. My Ds was a much longed for child who arrived after years of fertility treatment and too many miscarriages. I love being spoilt but also find it a day of reflection.
My mum was the key stone to our large extended family and when she died so did that family. It wasn't that we didn't want to meet up and carry on but it was always a painful reminder of her absence.
I will have a quiet moment then enjoy the rest of the day with my DS and DH.

GirlsWhoWearGlasses Sat 22-Mar-14 20:16:59

YANBU. I know how you feel.

This time last year I couldn't face Mother's Day after two rounds of ivf resulted in an ectopic and miscarriage. This year I'll be spending it with my beautiful DD who came home in February.

Chin up. It will happen.

Pipbin Sat 22-Mar-14 20:26:00

Girl Thank you, but you can't say that it will happen. I've got one more round of IVF left. There is absolutely no guarantee.

Caitlin17 Sat 22-Mar-14 20:37:09

I've never either as a daughter or a mother thought of mothers' day as anything other than a marketing exercise to sell not terribly nice cards and awful compilation CDs of the sort of music neither my mother nor I listen to.

Losthearts Sat 22-Mar-14 20:39:04


Sirzy Sat 22-Mar-14 20:42:15

its the problem with 'forced' days to celebrate something, for those who don't have what is being celebrated it makes it hard especially when that is something associated with negative emotions.

Of course YANBU, can you try to plan something nice to do with your DH to distract you a bit?

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