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I know I probably am...

(66 Posts)
Slh122 Sat 22-Mar-14 18:34:25

I have an 8 week old and MIL is obsessed with saying that he either looks like DP or DP's sister. It does my head in and I don't know why. She keeps texting DP this evening sending him photos of his sister when she was a baby saying 'DP look how much your DS looks like your sister'. Whenever we go round she brings it up and I say 'oh my mum thinks he's looking a bit more like me now' and she says 'oh no he's the spitting image of SIL'. Arghhhh. When we go round she gets baby photos out and is like 'Aww look the expression he's making is just like the one SIL used to make when she was a baby' when he really looks nothing like her. I constantly feel like her and SIL are trying to edge me out - first night we brought him home from hospital they descended on us and left me sidelined while they took photos with him.
It's really grating on me tonight! AIBU to feel pissed off? I don't really know why it annoys me so much, it just does!

WorraLiberty Sat 22-Mar-14 18:39:32

It's a shame it pisses you off.

I think she's just enjoying her newborn grandchild and it's bringing memories of her own kids, flooding back.

You might be the same when your baby is grown up and a parent himself.

Littlefish Sat 22-Mar-14 18:40:32

Congratulations on your new baby. Of course you're not being unreasonable to feel a bit miffed - you are probably a bit sleep deprived etc. etc. etc. However, it really doesn't sound to me from your original message that your MIL is trying to sideline you or anything like that. I think you are being a bit over sensitive and are over reacting to something that really isn't very important.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie Sat 22-Mar-14 18:41:27

To me our dc look like my side of the family, but dh just sees his side.

Don't let it bother you. I'd be more concerned if MIL couldn't see dh in our dc!

rollonthesummer Sat 22-Mar-14 18:41:42

I'd just laugh and say, 'oh, my family all day exactly the same-that she looks just like me! How funny-ha ha, all babies must look the same!'

Say it every time she says something!

Slh122 Sat 22-Mar-14 18:42:03

I thought I was being over sensitive which is why I posted on here to get some perspective

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie Sat 22-Mar-14 18:42:41

Not that I have anything to be worried about of course! Just thought how that may look to others grin

picnicbasketcase Sat 22-Mar-14 18:42:57

I'd end up snapping 'yes, isn't it reassuring that you know for a fact he's Dh's and I haven't been doing the milkman?'
But I'm a right cow.

AryaOfHouseSnark Sat 22-Mar-14 18:43:16

I don't think you're being that u, you are overreacting a bit, but I cans see why.
I can remember looking at my dc really wanting to see some of me in them and it irrationally pissed me off that I saw my sil ( who I love btw). Your mil is just really excited to have a new grandchild.

Slh122 Sat 22-Mar-14 18:43:52

Haha picnic grin

WillYouDoTheFandango Sat 22-Mar-14 18:44:56

My MiL did the opposite - ooh there's nothing of you in him DP. (To DS) Ooh you look just like your other granny, nothing of us in you. Continually for months.

I don't know if YABU but it'd piss me off too!

RandomMess Sat 22-Mar-14 18:45:52

Babies are actually designed to look more like their fathers when they are born!!!

Yes she is being irritating but try and let it wash over you.

procrastinatingagain Sat 22-Mar-14 18:46:31

It used to piss me off when people asked where baby ds got his hair colour from and exmil would always say "our X". I felt that she saw me as a mere vessel for growing the second coming of her son. Presumably I was BU, but it used to get right on my tits, TBH.

PandaFeet Sat 22-Mar-14 18:46:34

Babies always look like their dads at the start. Something to do with evolution. It has no bearing on who he will look like when hes older. My DD2 looks like me now at 16 months.

Minniemarf Sat 22-Mar-14 18:46:43

I had this & I must admit it grated on me too. These other comments have put it in perspective though.

TheGreatHunt Sat 22-Mar-14 18:48:07

How can she possibly say anything other than he looks like your dh etc given that she didn't know what you looked like as a baby? She has the blood connection to your dh.

She isn't trying to steal your child. Unclench wink

Sleepyfergus Sat 22-Mar-14 18:50:04

Yeah, my MIL was the same. Got a bit annoying after a while, you'd think my side of the DNA hadn't got a look in.

Isn't it 'true' or proven to some extent that babies do look like their dads to ensure the father knows the baby is his?

Give it a few months and I guarantee your baby will change and look like you and your side of the family too.

diddl Sat 22-Mar-14 18:50:42

Pissed me off too.

Made me feel as if they were trying to sideline me tbh.

Used to go on about the kids having brown eyes "just like Gran & Grandad".

Yup, & me & my husband & both my parents!!

littlemrssleepy Sat 22-Mar-14 18:50:53

Yes, babies are more likely to look like their fathers and other people (particularly the family of the father) have a tendency to say the baby looks like the father / has the fathers genes. There is no doubt who the mother is afterall, so both are evolutionary tactics.

Footballandbeer Sat 22-Mar-14 19:00:45

Hmmm this could be annoying. But perhaps It will help your mil bond with your baby if she sees a family likeness, that might mean in the future she will be happier to help out with looking after ds? I would grin and bear it with this in mind. It is hard work looking after babies and toddlers and really does make a difference if you have family help. She is being a bit insensitive but maybe try and celebrate the family likeness with her and just see it as her being an enthusiastic granny.

WorrySighWorrySigh Sat 22-Mar-14 19:25:05

I do understand this. It grates every time something like this is said - and my DS is 15 years old now! It feels like my DS is being 'claimed' for one side of the family. I know that no harm is meant by it, it is just annoying!

Goldmandra Sat 22-Mar-14 19:39:38

I have one DD who is God's gift to the human race and the spit of DH's father according to MIL and DD2 who apparently looks nothing like DH's side of the family and who isn't even addressed by name but as 'the other one' or 'madam'.

I thought it was irritating when she dismissed my family's input into DD1's genes but it's far worse having her virtually disown DD2.

OP, I think your MIL is being thoughtless at worst and you're hormonal and tired which is making it worse than it should be.

Do you need your DH to suggest that they back off a bit and let you have some more time just as family for a while?

Liara Sat 22-Mar-14 19:42:45

It's a fairly normal part of the bonding process, actually.

And I've heard a theory that newborns really do look much more like their father when they are born. Makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, precisely for the reasons picnic states.

Liara Sat 22-Mar-14 19:44:07

x post with loads of people!

Bootoyou2 Sat 22-Mar-14 19:56:18

I get this all the so annoying! Refuses to see any of me in DC but is the spitting image of every member of their distant family! GGGGRGH!

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