Am I unreasonable to be thinking of taking this further? (Teacher problem)

[Feminine]

My eldest son (15) has been in some trouble at school recently. Nothing that serious -something that would not be considered a problem outside of it, (I don't want to give too many details) but something that the school is not happy about.

I have spoken to a couple of the teachers about this, as they have called me to inform.

I've always been polite, and respectful. As, have they, or so I thought at the time.

Anyway...last week a couple of my son's friends were in detention. Talking right by them ( probably around a corner) they were heard to say: (about DS)

" Well *** gets his attitude from his Mother" "yeah, with a Mother like that ..." "yeah what can you expect..."

Then they noticed his friends...

The Teacher told him: " You didn't hear any of that right?"

Of course his friends have told him. I've no reason to doubt them.

I don't want to get his friends in to trouble, however I can't let this rest. I think it is beyond unprofessional.

Should I let it rest, or talk to someone at school higher up?

[Wolfiefan]

He's in trouble at school. You don't think it is serious? I bet the teachers think you have an attitude as you don't seem supportive. (Not that teachers should speak like that about parents and then quiz kids to see if they heard. V unprofessional.) I would worry I'd be proving them right if I went in!

[Morgause]

I think you'd be proving their point if you kicked up a huge fuss.

Have a quiet word with a teacher you trust first.

[cheeseandfickle]

I would definitely be pursuing this issue. It is very unprofessional of them, and I wouldn't be very happy.

[wishingchair]

Hmmm. I have no idea if the school would take seriously the hearsay of your son's friends in detention who then told your son who told you. I would personally just chalk it up to experience. Not sure how it would help your ds to go in all guns blazing on this one ...

[NoIamAngelaHernandez]

I would let it rest.

Are you supportive of the school? You don't sound like you feel they have been right in trying to deal with your son's misbehaviour.

[purplebaubles]

You really will be 'that' mother then!!!

You are taking the words of some 15yr olds over teachers? You don't really have any proof. I think if you'd have heard it yourself, it would be a different matter.

It could well be that the teachers were unprofessional. But going in on the bounce isn't really going to solve anything. At best, the teachers would get a telling off (because obviously they would deny having had the conversation). It's not going to improve the relationship you have?

I just don't see how reporting it is going to help matters sadly.

[cheeseandfickle]

I dont think it necessarily makes a parent have an 'attitude problem' if they don't agree with anything and everything a school does. In my experience schools are sometimes pedantic and picky about things that in the grand scheme of things really do not matter.

It should not be a case of the school are right and anyone who disagrees has a bad attitude.

[TuttiFrutti]

What wolfiefan said.

[MerryMarigold]

I can't think why they would have said it, to be honest, especially to agree. Either the kids are making it up, or misheard, to stir. Or, the teachers have a point, albeit unprofessional in saying it. If they have a point, you need to take a look at yourself before going in guns ablazing.

[Feminine]

fan I promise you it is not serious.

The teacher has said as much. It just broke a rule.

However, you can sleep tight. I'm only not saying as not to identify myself. :)

[Nomama]

As a teacher something like that is one of my nightmares:

1. Because I am human and sometimes I do talk about students outside the 'safe' zone
   

1. Because if it isn't true I have absolutely no protection as there is nothing like a parent of a child maligned.
   

I would say that yes, you should go and talk to the HoY, or other senior teacher. BUT don't launch in, ask what has changed recently? If there is nothing at home then what at school has changed? Then explain the reported conversation and see what they say - remembering you don't know who/why/what etc - you really should have some doubt, they are teenagers and can be very defensive/imaginative.

You might find your son and his friends are having one of those periods of change that all teens go through - horrid. You might find there is something else going on that would explain recent events. Either way you will have made the school aware that you know there is something up and want to get it sorted.

Good luck and I hope the answer is something simple to solve.

[Goblinchild]

That's what the staff room is for.
They may have an opinion that they share, but it is still unprofessional and foolish to discuss anything like that in an unsecure environment.
The difficulty will be that they deny the event ever having taken place, and say that the boys were winding up your DS intentionally. Which may well be the case.

[Pagwatch]

Personally I would ask myself
A) what do I want to achieve by pursuing it?
B) what is my most likely outcome?

I would be interested in what your answer to both questions is.

[LordPalmerston]

gah - really? who cares tbh

[cory]

I don't think there is any way you can take this further without tying yourself into knots and backing yourself into corner: you can't prove it, and even if you could it is only evidence of what the teachers think of you and thinking even very unjust thoughts is not a disciplinary offence. So however wrong and unfair they may be, the only way you can hold the high ground is by doing nothing and carrying on behaving as if you had never been told this.

[wishingchair]

Nomama has the best advice so far!

[LordPalmerston]

agree with paggy

you are obv a PITA ;)

does it matter what they think?

[Feminine]

I have spoken with a different teacher also, (not connected) she agreed that things (over the whole issue) could have been handled differently.

I was supportive. I wholly supported their detention for him.

This thing he has been in trouble for, well , he is not the only one.

I know this. However, he is the only one to be punished.

[LordPalmerston]

plus teachers say stuff like that all the time - just being overheard - well hey

If the angry parents on mumsnet knew how much piss is ripped they would be

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

You can't take the word of 15 year olds in trouble. It sounds like a prank to me. The friends obviously thought you'd take the bait and it seems you have!

[Feminine]

merry I don't think you know me.

I was charming. You'd need to take my word for it though.

I wouldn't ask MN if I'd been an ass...I am too honest and sage like to try to fool anyone here, or myself.

[Nojustalurker]

Was it one incident or many incidents? I can imagine a situation were several teachers would contact you about one small being broken.

[Feminine]

actually, if I had been rude...I'd expect a reception like I've had.

The friends are not whipping up a situation.

I know them, and it doesn't fit.

[Delphiniumsblue]

I agree with Pagwatch. Pursue it and you prove them right.