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To think its unreasonable for my SIL to ask me to babysit her children with slapped cheek when pregnant

(53 Posts)
pinkpompomispretty Fri 21-Mar-14 21:53:51

I don't know if its just my hormones or not. My SIL rang tonight and hubby answered and she asked us to have her children overnight whilst she went to a distant relatives wedding tomorrow. Im 25 weeks pregnant and both her children have slapped cheek. I have already told her that as far as I know I haven't had it so why she rang up tonight to ask I don't know. What annoyed me even more is that hubby didn't say no. He didn't directly say yes but said he couldn't see it being a problem and I would text her and let her know!! I just feel really p****d off that im the one left to tell her no and shes bitchy anyway so will prob cause an argument. Am I being unreasonable to expect hubby to just tell her no??!! And to expect her not to even ask in the first place??! Grrrrrrrr

gordyslovesheep Fri 21-Mar-14 21:56:31

post 20 weeks I thought it was no longer an issue - could be wrong though
She IBU though just to expect you to take 2 kids at a days notice!

Famzilla Fri 21-Mar-14 21:57:18

Did your husband not say no because he was afraid to or because he just wasn't aware that it was an issue?

YANBU to say no obviously, but sometimes people just don't know things until they encounter them (especially regarding pregnancy risks).

pinkpompomispretty Fri 21-Mar-14 22:00:51

My husband already knew as I had already told him about the risks with slapped cheek. Only last year a close friend lost her baby at 22 weeks to slapped cheek so maybe being overcautious but seeing the result first hand makes me nervous and when he told me a few days ago they had slapped cheek i started panicking about the last time i had come into contact with them. She knew of the risks herself as i said to her the other day about the risks with pregnancy and that i would have to give seeing her little ones a miss until it was all cleared up. Feeling a bit stressed today so maybe im being ott.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Fri 21-Mar-14 22:02:27

She's going to a wedding tomorrow and she only asked you about childcare today??

shallweshop Fri 21-Mar-14 22:03:25

YANBU - slapped cheek can be harmful to pregnant women and you should not take that risk.

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 21-Mar-14 22:03:38

So text her no then. Simples.

MyNameIsKenAdams Fri 21-Mar-14 22:03:41

Maybe if he is so keen to help your dh can go to hers and mind the dcs there.

elfycat Fri 21-Mar-14 22:04:19

Do not do this.

I had slapped cheek last year aged 41 and it made me ill for 6 weeks. Viral ill for 2 weeks and then arthritis pain in my hands, feet, knees and elbows for another 4 weeks. The joint pain is a common symptom in adults. It was bad enough that changing a nappy made me cry and I couldn't knit at all. Writing an OU essay had to be done in very short bursts, after taking painkillers (including ones you cannot take while pregnant).

The risky bit of pregnancy is before 20 weeks, but why WHY would you go near a viral infected child? Any illness can cause problems for you if you have a bad reaction as there are medication that you need to avoid - like antibiotics post-viral infection. Of course you can have antibiotics if you need, but again WHY would you do anything to increase your risks of illnesses?

There's a 50% chance you have the immunity so 50% that you haven't (typically half of people have it in childhood) and if you haven't there's a 50% chance you will this time. So tell SIL there's roughly a 25% risk you could catch it and you can't take that risk.

mameulah Fri 21-Mar-14 22:04:34

Don't do it. Say NO. You are dnbu.

Forgettable Fri 21-Mar-14 22:05:17

Your husband is being a chicken, he should be able to be the one to say nope that doesn't work for us

bok bok bok

formerbabe Fri 21-Mar-14 22:07:27

She sounds really selfish! Please tell her 'No'!

MusicalEndorphins Fri 21-Mar-14 22:16:51

Tell her NO.
Tell your husband not to say "He can't see it being a problem" unless HE and he alone is the one being asked to do the favour. And if the favour involves viral illnesses or you in any aspect, to say "I will speak to dear wife and get back to you".
I hate people speaking for others. Oh tell him well done on protecting his unborn child. My first biscuitever...for your dh.

Sirzy Fri 21-Mar-14 22:18:06

The issue isn't her asking, it's your husband not saying no

cees Fri 21-Mar-14 22:25:15

Your husband is spineless and his sister a twit for asking but he should have told her no straight away and still should, tell him to ring her and say a big fat NO.

chemenger Fri 21-Mar-14 22:38:09

YANBU. I had slapped cheek a couple of years ago and I was really ill, just as elfycat describes. It took me months to recover fully from the after effects. I have no idea how I caught it, neither of the dcs got it, but I would not wish it on my worst enemy, pregnant or not.

PartyOn Fri 21-Mar-14 22:43:26

Don't risk it. It's not worth your babys life! I'd also be telling your OH that its dangerous.

PigletJohn Fri 21-Mar-14 22:44:24

very good idea to say it is not a prob and DH will go to hers to look after them.

Except:
how will you know if he picks it up?

DontputyourfingerinthejellyNel Fri 21-Mar-14 22:47:29

I know 2 mums who have lost babies post 20 weeks due to slapped cheek. They would beg to differ that it was only before 20 weeks you have to worry. Do you know if you are immune?

hellymelly Fri 21-Mar-14 22:48:22

Am shocked your SIL would ask you to do this while pregnant. A friend of mine lost her baby when her ds caught slapped cheek. Even if you are past the dangerous stage, you really don't want any nasty virus while pregnant, and most people would understand this and want to protect you not put you at risk.

DontputyourfingerinthejellyNel Fri 21-Mar-14 22:48:41

Sorry OP, that wasn't directed at you but at others that said it was not risky after 20 weeks.

tiggytape Fri 21-Mar-14 22:51:56

YANBU - The risk after 20 weeks is much less than in the first 20 weeks but it that the same as no risk at all.

And even though the danger to the baby is much less after 20 weeks, you could still end up with a virus that makes you really ill at a time when you won't be able to take much for it and might take you weeks to recover from at a time when you are uncomfortable anyway.

SIL may or may not know about the risks so it is hard to tell is she was BU to ask but YANBU to say no. It would be mad to risk it just so she can go to a wedding.

elfycat Fri 21-Mar-14 22:52:46

Don'tputyyourfinger I took my info from the NHS website about the 20 weeks, but did emphasize that any illness can affect pregnancy. I wasn't pregnant when I had it so didn't look up that bit for myself.

And sod being ill for weeks, or months as chemenger said. Pregnancy is tiring enough.

OP have you shown your DH this thread yet? I hope he likes looking after ill children on his own if he doesn't want to disappoint.

elfycat Fri 21-Mar-14 22:53:48

Sorry for the stray ' in your name. I have twitchy tired fingers from too much essay writing is my only excuse

Losthearts Fri 21-Mar-14 22:54:02

Your DH sounds an idiot and totally unreasonable

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