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To not want sister staying?

(47 Posts)
mostlyconfused Fri 21-Mar-14 18:36:21

Hi

My sister has asked can she stay with me one night next week. My mum has a hospital appointment to get some ( possibly bad) results and my sister needs to be somewhere were she can access wifi as her boss won't give her the day off so she needs to be able to work. I said this was fine as long as I wasn't in labour or it was the first day home with the baby. My sister was ok about it but made a point of saying she then wouldn't be able to attend the hospital with my mum. She can't stay with my mum as she doesn't have wifi so she couldn't get any work done. AIBU? I just really don't want anyone around if I'm in labour or just home with a new baby. I feel this is a private time for me and DH. But I know feel responsible for her not being able to attend the appointment. I know I might be getting upset over nothing as I have no clue when the baby will actually come.
My mum has fallen out with me saying I'm being unfair and she wants my sister to be at the appointment with her. I completely understand this but feel my sister should be able to make other arrangements without involving me. There are places she could go to use wifi for example.

Please be honest.

Thanks

YouTheCat Fri 21-Mar-14 18:38:07

Why can't she just buy herself a dongle?

DidoTheDodo Fri 21-Mar-14 18:39:03

I can see how you don't want anyone around if you're in labour or have a tiny newborn, but it is only one night so the chances of that seem quite small. And your poor mum sounds like she could really use the support of your sister being near at a very difficult time.
I'd suck it up - it is just one night.

Wittsend13 Fri 21-Mar-14 18:39:40

Yabu. It's one night you might not even be in labour.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 21-Mar-14 18:40:11

You are meanshock it's just one night and it's your own sister! I really hope your children are never this selfish with each other.

DoItTooJulia Fri 21-Mar-14 18:40:54

Second the dongle! Win win!

GlassCaseofEmotion Fri 21-Mar-14 18:43:25

Your poor mum needs support not more worry about her daughters bickering. Yabu to cause issues about something that might not even happy - the baby may not even be there yet. Plus your sister might also be worried about your mum and would like to be near you?

Yabu.

littlebluedog12 Fri 21-Mar-14 18:44:14

Does your mum live nearby? Could she not stay the night with your mum then come to your house during the daytime to access wifi? Do you have a spare room she can hide herself away in to keep out of the way?

You might appreciate the company though, with my first I was terrified at the thought of going into labour while DH was at work and being on my own. My sister came to stay the week before I was due and I was hoping I'd go into labour while she was there! I appreciate not everyone is close to their sisters though.

yegodsandlittlefishes Fri 21-Mar-14 18:45:20

Your sister has invited herself to your house, with an agenda, on her own terms? Just say no. Saying no is a lot better than the possible falling out scenarios which could arise.
She also needs to tell your mum herself that she can't go to the appointment qith her, without trying to blame you. She sounds very hard work.

yegodsandlittlefishes Fri 21-Mar-14 18:46:43

YANBU your sister is. She should be looking after you at that stage of pregnancy and putting you and your baby first by helping your mum, not using you as an internet hotel.

pussycatdoll Fri 21-Mar-14 18:46:50

You don't sound a very close family sad

Pigletin Fri 21-Mar-14 18:47:48

It is your sister you are talking about, right?

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Fri 21-Mar-14 18:48:32

YANBU

there is no reason for your sister to miss the appointment if she can't stay with you, she could get a dongle, she could go to somewhere with wifi, she could ask to borrow a neighbours wifi for one day or if the appointment is so urgent she could go without wifi altogether

I'm sure your mum and sister are very stressed but you probably are too and you are coping with all this and imminent labour, it's fine for you to protect yourself a little bit especially when your sister doesn't need to stay with you

MaryWestmacott Fri 21-Mar-14 18:49:15

If you are in labour or first day home, then it's perfectly reasonable for you to not have her there, I think you have done the right thing rather than just said yes and hope your not in labour. Is there anywhere near to your mums she could work and stay with your mum if you are in labour? Within a 20 minute walk from my house there are 2 coffee shops and a pub with free wifi, anything like that near your mums/the hospital?

NoonarAgain Fri 21-Mar-14 18:51:41

You're not being U at all! I wouldn't have involved your mum, tho. Surely there's a travelodge with wifi close by?

itsmeitscathy Fri 21-Mar-14 18:53:54

I know this isn't solving anything. But there's a good chance a dongle won't work- when you get into the clinic areas of my (local, fairly new) hospital there is no phone signal never mind 3G. If the hospital is a bit older it might be ok.

Given the circumstances I don't see what the problem with her staying is to be honest.

WottaTheOdds Fri 21-Mar-14 18:54:54

Your sister has invited herself to your house, with an agenda, on her own terms?

What OP did you read Yegods because it sure as hell ain't the one I read.

Seems to me OP both you and your DSis are both between a rock and a hard place (and her boss sounds a dick btw). Why not agree to play it by ear. Sounds like your mum needs support of some kind though...

TheGirlFromIpanema Fri 21-Mar-14 18:55:16

So is your sister needing to be accommodated so that she can accompany your mum to an appointment whilst also trying to keep work happy?

If so YABU.

It seems your sis is the one putting herself out in order to help your dm, but you are not prepared to put yourself out for the same.

When is your due date?

UserNameDenied Fri 21-Mar-14 18:59:22

DONGLES HERE
DONGLES THERE
DONGLES EVERYWHERE

HTH
smile

PurplePidjin Fri 21-Mar-14 19:02:40

Can't she stay with your mum then go to the library/McDonalds/Costa etc for the day? That's what my friend does when she has to work from home and her wifi is playing up confused

Then she can support your mum, hopefully see her brand new niece/nephew and do her work.

YANBU tbh, I was a sweaty milky mess for at least the first week after a long but relatively uncomplicated labour. I do think there are more areas where you can compromise though, I assume that there's somewhere she can escape to at yours to work privately while the baby does baby things like make lots of noise?

TheBakeryQueen Fri 21-Mar-14 19:05:57

I think you should put your mum first in this instance & let your sister stay. It's only 1 night to help your mum.

ITCouldBeWorse Fri 21-Mar-14 19:07:55

You could attend the hospital appointment with your mum and send updates to your sister.

mostlyconfused Fri 21-Mar-14 19:08:58

My Due date is tomorrow

Thanks for all the responses. A bit of a mix!

I really don't know what to do now.

I'm a very private person and I'm not that close to my sister to be honest.
I have a lot of anxiety building up over this labour due to a really bad experience last time, although I haven't discussed this with her so I appreciate she has no way of knowing this.

I do have a spare room but the walls in my house thin and you can hear everything.

I also feel she hasn't even tried to work out another solution, just assumed she could stay here with no consideration of my circumstances.

My uncle lives nearby and he has wifi so could go there. He only has a one bedroom flat but it's an option.

So confused!

UserNameDenied Fri 21-Mar-14 19:12:43

Order a Dongle from Tescos 'click and collect' for a store near to your sister. It will be there tomorrow. Voila! Problem sorted.

sooperdooper Fri 21-Mar-14 19:14:37

I think you should be thinking about your mum tbh, she needs your sisters support at the appointment, what if she news is bad and she's on her own because you won't let your sister stay? It's one night, and it's your mum, imagine how you'd feel if your dc treated you like this

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