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Don't know what to do about my friend and her drama...

(51 Posts)
dannychampionoftheworld Fri 21-Mar-14 15:27:36

I've known her a few years. She is great fun and very funny but loves drama. Last night we were in the pub with others, including some people from my work, including my boss. There were about 8 of us and for a while I was chatting to my boss. It's quite an informal work environment so we were laughing and joking about something.

When we left, my friend rushed up to me and said 'Oh my God, what's going on with you and X?'. I said nothing, we were just talking. She said 'No, I can tell - he is REALLY into you. Are you going to do anything about it?'. FWIW, I am sure he has no interest in me, has got a girlfriend, I am getting married next year. She refused to accept it.

Today she has been badgering me with texts asking me about it. The texts have got increasingly tetchy, with her saying stuff life 'You'd better hope [his girlfriend] doesn't find out about this', then when I said there was nothing going on 'Oh, it's alright for you, EVERYONE is ALWAYS in love with you.' This is not true in the slightest, I am not that flirty, I have been with the same guy for 3 years, had a couple of boyfriends before that. I am far from femme fatale material tbh. She has got a habit of acting like she is jealous of me when she honestly has no reason to be.

I have told her to quit it, but I am worried. She seems to be blowing this up into a massive deal and I'm worried she might start telling people this fiction (she has hinted that she will) and it could cause trouble.

WWYD?

weeblueberry Fri 21-Mar-14 15:29:18

At the very least I'd mention it (in a casual way) to your boss so when it inevitably blows up later on he's at least been prewarned.

Definitely sounds like she's actually jealous though and is trying to cause problems for you as a result.

AngelaDaviesHair Fri 21-Mar-14 15:30:02

Ring her (really don't do this by text) and tell her as calmly as you can manage, taht there's nothing going on with your boss. Ask her, as a friend, to drop it. Tell her if she starts this story doing the rounds it will harm you, and you will be very upset. Then ignore her. She doesn't sound like much of a friend really.

headlesslambrini Fri 21-Mar-14 15:37:06

howabout sending a text:

Listen up you flaming nutter, for the last time I am NOT having a fling, considering a fling or in anyway attracted to the boss. However, you remember John from last night - the IT guy, bit chubbish and smelly, he was asking this morning for your number and whether or not you would fancy a 3some? Shall I tell him yes? Be warned thou that he likes to wear heels and if very fidgety under his desk every lunch time.

My BF would think I'm ill if I sent anything different.

CuChullain Fri 21-Mar-14 15:37:41

Several years ago I started to live by a fairly simple rule that I should avoid people who make my life more difficult than it needs to be. When I made that decision I had a few old uni ‘mates’ in mind, one of them much like your friend who was a drama queen and had no issues being a bit fast a loose with the facts so long as there was a juicy bit of gossip (real or imagined) to spread about. Sure, these type of people have their moments when they are fun to be with but I have found more often then not they just can't help themselves in terms of causing trouble behind your back and generally denying any wrong dong when challenged. It’s easy to be nostalgic and ever forgiving with people you have known a long time but people do change over time and if they are now constantly letting you down and making you feel crap then just cut them loose. Don’t worry about their feelings as they don’t really seem that fussed by yours. Concentrate your efforts on those friends who have proven to be more loyal and trustworthy.

WorraLiberty Fri 21-Mar-14 15:38:50

OMG I think I'd have to be totally blunt with someone like that and tell them to stop shit stirring.

dannychampionoftheworld Fri 21-Mar-14 15:42:10

I did tell her (via text) to just cut it out but she came back with a load of stuff about how it was obvious, don't pretend, etc.

Is she just more trouble than she's worth? This isn't the first time... CuChullain - think you might be right.

DoJo Fri 21-Mar-14 15:42:32

I would go with a calm, considered conversation where you explain to her that there is nothing going on and that her continued yammering about it is making you feel uncomfortable. Make it clear to her that if she mentions her fabrication to anyone else, you will have to assume that she is actively trying to hurt you and damage your career, which will leave you in a very difficult position regarding your friendship.

It's hard, because she will probably interpret this as 'hushing her up' so that she doesn't spill the beans, but there isn't really much else you can do, other than distance yourself from her a little to avoid this kind of situation.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 21-Mar-14 15:43:23

Op this isn't a friend of yours! A friend would be concerned if anything was going on not rubbing her hands in glee trying to make up a story when there isn't.

Linguini Fri 21-Mar-14 15:44:43

You have a very immature friend. You are getting married next year. Is she half your age? I would tell her to F off.

U r right to be worried, she could actually be planning on 'accidentally' messing it up for you, by making your husband-to-be paranoid about this man, or something like that.

Bluntly - I don't think she is your friend. In my book a friend isn't someone who shit stirs for their own entertainment. She clearly values your feelings and well being less than her own need to be at the centre of some imagined drama.

Joysmum Fri 21-Mar-14 15:47:57

Op this isn't a friend of yours! A friend would be concerned if anything was going on not rubbing her hands in glee trying to make up a story when there isn't.

Well said

Minnieisthedevilmouse Fri 21-Mar-14 15:48:43

Drop her like a hot brick.

HyvaPaiva Fri 21-Mar-14 15:49:42

Is she just more trouble than she's worth?

Yes! This isn't what friends do and it isn't the first time she has done this to you.

A friend would be concerned if anything was going on not rubbing her hands in glee

^ CoffeeTea puts it perfectly.

bochead Fri 21-Mar-14 15:50:15

If it's not the first time, I'd cut her dead.

Life is too short and complex enough as it is, without drama llamas causing unnecessary problems.

PetShopGirl Fri 21-Mar-14 15:55:37

Are you sure she doesn't fancy him and is actually angling for you to say 'don't be ridiculous, he obviously really fancies you, not me?'

Cardilover Fri 21-Mar-14 15:55:59

She's loving the drama and attention and whilever you keep replying to her she'll continue. Ignore, ignore, ignore (and maybe warn your boyfriend that she's trying to shit stir...)

LastOneDancing Fri 21-Mar-14 15:57:48

She's hinting at telling people this bullshit and potentially compromising your marriage and his relationship?! She needs to find a new hobby.

How bizarre and not friend-like at all. I'd have serious words with her about her stinking attitude and the consequences of her 'drama'.

Have you told your DP what she's up to?

AllThoseDirtyWords Fri 21-Mar-14 16:04:07

Call her bluff. Tell her you talked to your boss about it (I would do that anyway tbh) and tell how funny you both find it that she thinks you have something going on. I would also tell you partner, don�t let her have what she thinks is dirty secret to hold over you.

If you are open with everyone about what she is saying she has nowhere to go with it as it�s not a �secret� anymore. She really isn�t a friend a friend wouldn't threaten you they would be worried about you!

lavenderhoney Fri 21-Mar-14 16:04:42

Does she work with you? If not, stop inviting her out with you.

She's not your friend, that's for sure. She will mess up your wedding for you as well I expect. Ignore her and don't reply on text - its feeding her.

Does she want something in return for her silence? She sounds incredibly odd to me.

AllThoseDirtyWords Fri 21-Mar-14 16:04:49

sorry about the state of that message.....

BuzzardBird Fri 21-Mar-14 16:11:53

Ask her what the hell is wrong with her and casually mention a 'cease and desist' order...American I know but she doesn't sound too bright.

minibmw2010 Fri 21-Mar-14 16:18:04

Make it clear to her that you're pissed off and that you've spoken with your boss and future DH already and they are unimpressed with her too ....

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 21-Mar-14 20:57:43

'I'm not being funny but you are barking up the wrong tree. Either that or just barking. And dull. Very dull. Not only is nothing going on but you completely missed the thing that IS going on. You have failed your detective exam so perhaps it is time to stop all of the drama.'

EurotrashGirl Fri 21-Mar-14 22:19:36

our friend sounds like she has a personality disorder. I'd be giving her a wide berth if I were you.

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