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Would you like some time to yourself?

(15 Posts)
lesbican Fri 21-Mar-14 14:30:17

Whenever I'm in a mood about something whether it be work related or stress, my partner says "instead of coming over tonight would you prefer to be alone"?

AIBU to expect something like "Oh come over I'll cheer you up/give you a hug etc"

Dating for 10 months, No children, live apart.

She's just said it again and It's pissed me off!

BeverleyMoss Fri 21-Mar-14 14:33:00

Maybe she's the sort to want to let you get over your mood, because this is what she would want?

I personally want to crawl into my shell and work it out in my own time.

pussycatdoll Fri 21-Mar-14 14:33:42

Well do you think you might bring her down if you feel low ?
It's Friday night so maybe she wants to have fun and you're a bit intense?
Not meaning to be offensive but do you see my point ?

BeverleyMoss Fri 21-Mar-14 14:33:57

Or maybe you piss her off when you're in a grump and she wants a bit of time to herself? grin

lesbican Fri 21-Mar-14 14:37:45

Lol fair point guys

PenelopeChipShop Fri 21-Mar-14 14:38:24

I think this is one of the fundamental differences between people... How they work through difficult times and whether they need company or alone time. Is your partner an introvert generally? Maybe she would be the type of oerskn who would want / need space in that situation rather than company so is actually trying to be considerate by giving you what she would like? However if she is getting this wrong you need to tell her, not quietly seethe! No one is a mind reader!

lesbican Fri 21-Mar-14 14:46:19

When she has problems she does become very introverted and likes to just ride it out in her own way, she wont speak about things.

I'm just feeling very irate at the moment for no good reason other than annoyances in work, should just chill out!

Elllimam Fri 21-Mar-14 14:52:11

I tend to prefer alone time when I'm stressed as well. Maybe your partner is just projecting her needs onto you? When my DH is stressed/in a mood I tend to back right off.

Marylou62 Fri 21-Mar-14 14:56:04

You could try...'I need a hug....will you come over and after 5 mins of a rant, I promise seeing you will make me feel better'? it took me years to realize that I wasn't responsible for my DHs bad mood...but I thought I was! Now after 25 years together I just ignore him! Try it and see...bet she just doesn't know what to say or do. Good luck.

DoJo Fri 21-Mar-14 15:10:43

She's offering, and presumably because she likes to be alone, she knows that it is a lot easier to say 'I've had such a crap week at work - I can't wait to see you tonight to cheer me up!' than it is to say 'Please don't come over tonight - I feel like crap and want to be alone' even if that is what you might want.

Have you told her that her being around cheers you up, makes you feel better and puts everything into perspective? Or could she be under the impression that you prefer her to be alone?

DoJo Fri 21-Mar-14 15:10:58

prefer her to leave you alone

MammaTJ Fri 21-Mar-14 15:36:33

I have a friend who I am very close to, but tbh, when she is in a grump I stay away as we would only fall out. I leave her to sort herself out and we remain friends, so everyone's a winner.

lesbican Fri 21-Mar-14 16:21:02

That's what she just said, think my mood has rubbed off on her because she has suggested we don't see each other tonight, which has worsened my mood! But when we are like this we always fall out so meh

BackforGood Fri 21-Mar-14 16:42:19

Different strokes for different folks - you need to talk about it.
Can you not say "No, actually, what I'd really like is to come over, rant for a bit and get it all off my chest whilst you sympathise, then we can {insert - go out / open the wine / snuggle down with a good film / go clubbing / whatever}."
Neither is the right or wrong way, it's just that people deal with things differently. No point in resenting the way she responds. If you've been together for 10months then surely it's a good time to be sorting these things out.

weeblueberry Fri 21-Mar-14 16:46:18

I would absolutely love it if my partner said this to me because, like some other posters have mentioned, I get over things much faster if I'm left for a while to internalise it cool down.

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