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To be unhappy that exP is taking DD to work before school?

(13 Posts)
possiblyprecious Fri 21-Mar-14 00:39:06

Or am I being too precious? (Have nc to protect anonymity).

DD is 6. ExP recently asked for and got more contact time, which means that she has DD EOW, and one overnight in the off week (and half hols). This means that alternating Mondays and Wednesdays she has DD overnight and takes her to school the next morning. This arrangement only started a few weeks ago. She is self employed and starts work around seven thirty.

She has been leaving home with DD by 7.15am, an hour and a half before school starts. I initially let it slide, thinking I'd see how it goes. I didn't think it was ideal, but didn't want to make a fuss about nothing, and I do appreciate my "mornings off". I've monitored DDs tiredness levels closely, and yes she does get tired after school, sometimes has meltdowns on afternoons after she has been with ExP, and she has been unwell with colds for the last few weeks. But this could be coincidental and not related to the early mornings.

However yesterday DD mentioned that she had been left with the receptionist before school (I think that ExP and receptionist are on friendly terms although not close friends - smallish town here - so I assume the receptionist was OK with it). I felt this was going too far - and that it was not OK if it were to be a regular thing. DD wasn't upset or unhappy about it. But I feel that it's inappropriate for DD to be left at reception to cater for ExP's work routines - I feel quite embarrassed actually.

I am quite willing to offer alternative contact nights or even for DD to come home for the night before / have a dinner visit only on the Wed night. Should I try to negotiate this with ExP or just let things be?

possiblyprecious Fri 21-Mar-14 00:40:51

To clarify, DD was left at school reception.

trappedinsuburbia Fri 21-Mar-14 01:29:59

Try and renegotiate. Current arrangements clearly arent working for anyone involved. I woukd suggest you dd being brought home before bedtime.

EurotrashGirl Fri 21-Mar-14 01:32:26

If she is self employed, we can't she start work later on the days she has DD?

EurotrashGirl Fri 21-Mar-14 01:34:49


possiblyprecious Fri 21-Mar-14 01:59:00

She runs a business that requires her to visit customers in the local area and some customers request early visits (sorry for vagueness). It is a valid point though, that perhaps she really should be not starting work till after school dropoff. If I suggest that though she would say that she needs that income.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 21-Mar-14 02:10:06

It's a tough one. Is there any way you could be flexible on the day exP has her as long as exP makes sure there are no early visits on the days she has DD? Surely the receptionist will get sick of this arrangement at some point...

kickassangel Fri 21-Mar-14 02:17:42

If dd is on school property then she is the responsibility of the school. However, if they don't know that she's there, or only the receptionist does, then they aren't able to take care of her.

I think this is a really bad idea and I am amazed that the school have allowed it.

possiblyprecious Fri 21-Mar-14 02:22:37

Yes I am willing to be flexible on the days that she goes to Ex P. It might be something for me to suggest. I was trying to keep a consistent routine to try and "force" exP to share the everyday demands of parenting (such as having to juggle school dropoff and work commitments), as in the past I have been the one to change my schedule to accommodate ex's and pick up the slack, and I had started to resent that.

GertTheFlirt Fri 21-Mar-14 02:27:33

Is there not a morning club at the school? They usually start from 7am or thereabouts.

I suppose things come down to finances. If you have to work, you have to work and if the school admin is happy enough to keep a 10 min eye on the child, it''s not really a problem.

redskyatnight Fri 21-Mar-14 08:43:06

Yes, I'd suggest looking into breakfast club at school or locally (ours starts from 7.30). I suspect the school receptionist might not be happy to look after DD as a regular thing anyway!

I don't think you can complain about the early mornings - they are the norm for very many children of working parents.

pixiepotter Fri 21-Mar-14 08:46:08

It depends how early she is left with receptionist.if it's only 5 minutes meh!

BerniceBroadside Fri 21-Mar-14 08:46:13

Early starts aren't an issue, but appropriate childcare needs to be sorted.

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