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To dress my daughter in pink?

(73 Posts)
JapaneseMargaret Thu 20-Mar-14 22:50:03

I don't have strong feelings about pink as colour. It's fine. It looks nice on flowers. It goes well with some colours. I even wear it on rare occasions.

I do dislike the way pink is engineered towards girls in a way that it most definitely was not when I was small (I'm 40). In fact, I think it's fairly insidious.

My daughter is 3 and a half. She LOVES pink. She thinks it's the best thing since sliced marshmallows. I know full well why she likes pink - because it is marketed relentlessly at her - and that is something that really pisses me of, as a feminist.

However, because my DD does love pink, I let her choose it. I let her wear it. I buy her non-pink stuff as well, after all, I'm her Mum and I hold the purse-strings.

However, I also let her have a say in how she presents herself to the world. And how she wants to present herself to the world is currently via the medium of the colour pink.

I just know though, that there's a sizeable sub-set of people who see her judge me as one of those Mums, who dresses their DD head-to-toe in pink and thinks they're their very own little sparkly princess.

Which couldn't be further from the truth.

I just don't want to tell my DD at such an impressionable age that what she likes is wrong, or that her preferrences are to be over-ridden by my principles at all cost. I might not love pink, but she does, and so shouldn't she be, if not actively encouraged in that, then at least acknowledged and supported in it?

I also don't like the idea of telling girls and boys that there's something wrong with femininity (and by extension, with girls and women), which I think actively discouraging pink might do. Sort of in the way that it's right-on to dress a boy in pink, but it's sneer-worthy to to the same to a girl.

I know it's a phase and that she will grow out of pink. But AIBU? Should we be doing more to stem the pink tide?

BTW, this isn't something I hand-wring over. I know it's just a colour. grin I've just dropped her off at Kindy and had yet another conversation with a Mum where the fact that she is dressed in pink has cropped up.

Famzilla Thu 20-Mar-14 22:53:00

Judging other women on the colour of clothing they choose to dress their daughters in is a bit odd IMO. I don't think anyone cares or even notices half as much as you think they do. No offence.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 20-Mar-14 22:55:05

It's not about what other mums think of you. Does it make your daughter happy? Yes. Is it hurting anybody? No.

Yanbu to dress her in pink

Yabu to worry about what some twitchy subset may think of you.

PetiteRaleuse Thu 20-Mar-14 22:55:47

I think you are over thinking the pink. Dress her in a variety of colours and pander to the pink as and when.

Only1scoop Thu 20-Mar-14 22:56:51

I don't think anyone gives a thought to what your dd is wearing.

EeeIcouldCrushAGrape Thu 20-Mar-14 22:59:13

If your dd loves pink, then what exactly is the problem?! Why would you be bothered whether anyone else is secretly judging you for letting your daughter, shock, horror - wear pink?!
If she loves it, let her wear it. If she turned round and said she loved the colour blue and tractors, would you still have the same angst at people maybe judging you for that?!
Both are perfectly viable and acceptable. Let HER choose what colours she likes. You would with a boy. So why not with a girl?!

Sneezecakesmum Thu 20-Mar-14 23:01:06

The pink tide! A bit like the one Canute tried to stop unfortunately.

I agree about the brainwashing of little girls with the pink toy aisles and endless pink clothes.

I think you will just have to grit your teeth and influence her into feminist thinking in other ways and hope she comes to her 3 year old senses grin

Ploppy16 Thu 20-Mar-14 23:05:46

I've got 2 daughters and will encourage them to dress in whatever colour they choose. Growing up I went through a phase of dressing like a princess and (much) later, a Goth - my parents just let me get on with it and I will do the same for my daughters.
We were given a lot of clothes for DD2 and ended up with many different shades of pink, she wears them if I pick them out. She's only 2 so doesn't really have an opinion on whether she's head to toe pink/blue/whatever.
DD1 is 8 and is coming to the end of the pink phase a bit but plays with Barbie and Lego friends as well as playing cricket and Minecraft.
I'm a firm believer in guiding my children rather than shoving my opinion down their throats. If they want to dress in pink from head to toe they can. DS could if he wanted to but to borrow a phrase from another thread, at 13yo he's rather shit in his hands and clap than do so!
None of us are U to let our daughters dress in pink despite what some may say, it's just a colour and balls to anybody who judges us.
YANBU.

peggyundercrackers Thu 20-Mar-14 23:07:35

Is the a subset of people who look at very small children dressed in and judge their mothers? I think the voices are only in your head...

ParanoidLucy Thu 20-Mar-14 23:10:08

YANBU and TBH don't worry about it. My daughter loved pink at that age and now aged 8 would not touch anything pink. It's a phase and a colour. That's all.

pissedoff123 Thu 20-Mar-14 23:18:43

My brother has 2 dds one loves everything pink and glittery the other is the son he never had!! As long as your dd is happy who cares .

Purplefrogshoes Thu 20-Mar-14 23:50:25

My DD is 5 and if I let her pick what to wear it's always something pink she also loves leopard/tiger/zebra print but her favourite toys and books are mr men and batman so she is not completely brainwashed! grin just let her wear what she wants, as long as she is happy

SallyMcgally Thu 20-Mar-14 23:50:32

YANBU
Lovely for her to develop a taste for clothes at this age.
I love pink. At my school you had to pretend to hate pink unless you wanted to be bullied. Now that I have no daughter I am prone to veering too much to pink for nieces, god daughters etc, I fear.

JapaneseMargaret Thu 20-Mar-14 23:57:58

Maybe, peggy. grin

Being on MN gives you such an insight into the fact that mothers are judged for every choice they make, and sometimes it's hard not to be paranoid.

I know no-once actually cares what my DD wears, and it's not something I angst over.

Just wondered what others with young DDs thought/did.

TheBody Fri 21-Mar-14 00:04:18

honestly op in the nicest possible way no one cares and if you feel judged then do you really care?

my dds are kick ass feminists teens and wear makeup, fake tan and big hair. are they judged? who the fuck cares.

winkywinkola Fri 21-Mar-14 00:06:41

Do what you want.

Caitlin17 Fri 21-Mar-14 00:10:03

I like pink because it's pretty and it suits me. I've always liked it. It goes with every other colour, even red or orange or purple. It brightens things up.

I am 54 and a partner in a large law firm and anyone who thinks my feminist credentials are lacking or I have been brainwashed into liking pink can take a running jump.

Caitlin17 Fri 21-Mar-14 00:16:24

Petitraleuse why do you say pander to the pink? On the thread about boys wearing dresses those who were supportive were fully supportive of the boy's decision to wear a dress; those who weren't were vehemently against; no one suggested "pandering"

Your post is the sort of a double standard people on that thread were referring to. A three year old boy's choice of a dress is freely made but a girl's choice of pink should only be pandered to and she should be steered away from it.

SallyMcgally Fri 21-Mar-14 00:21:45

Good for you Caitlin! I work in academia and once overheard a colleague say to a student 'Tell you friend that if she wants us to respect her views she needs to stop wearing pink.'! Tossed. I've seldom met anyone who commanded so little respect himself - boorish, self-aggrandising and deeply deeply stupid.

SallyMcgally Fri 21-Mar-14 00:22:26

Tosser not Tossed.

Mim78 Fri 21-Mar-14 02:40:46

She is "the age" for pink IMe.

Dd adored pink at that age but is much more flexible now aged 5 - favourite colour yellow and also likes black.

At 3 everything had to be pink. It passes and is not significant.

Yanbu

Cuxibamba Fri 21-Mar-14 02:55:55

YANBU. My DD adored pink at that age. Around 4, she decided purple (well, mauve!) was nicer, and now, aged 6, she prefers to wear yellow and red, but still has an affection for purple and pink. They're just colours and as long as you aren't sitting down and telling her that as a girl, she must wear pink, or, that as a girl, she mustn't wear pink, then it doesn't matter! grin

flipchart Fri 21-Mar-14 07:10:04

Who and where are these sub set of mums? And hy do you give a fuck if they supposedly judge? What difference does it make to your life?

You really are over thinking this.

Delphiniumsblue Fri 21-Mar-14 07:14:52

You are over thinking it. Pink is just a colour, I like it and wear it. We now seem to have got to the point where little girls are discouraged from wearing it but little boys are encouraged to wear it! I hate these double standards.

Caitlin17 Fri 21-Mar-14 07:41:52

There certainly is a double standard. There are several replies on here whilst not saying "don't" can't resist passing comments like " the unfortunate tide of pink"," brainwashing""gritting your teeth and hoping she comes to her senses", "3 is the age for it" "likes Batman so not totally brainwashed"

sneezecakemums reply in particular is a masterpiece of patronising arrogance

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