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To ask for success stories getting 4 yrs olds to listen?

(10 Posts)
nothingbyhalves Thu 20-Mar-14 17:29:50

Dt's are 4 and we have fab days when they are angels and bad days when all I seem to do pull my hair out!

We do naughty step, reward charts, and when all else fails bribery! With erratic success.

Dgp's look after twins twice a week and I just had my dm on phone asking for chat on how to deal with their "challenging" behaviour. Apparently twins are "difficult" hmm and she was upset that one "seems" to prefer my mil to her!

I repeated use of naughty step, carrying out threats ( no biscuits/ pudding etc) and giving them till count of 5. But she seems to want more strategies. It dawned on me I didn't use any others.

Any hints anyone?

ditsydoll Thu 20-Mar-14 22:37:48

Thats 4yo's for ya! Dd is 5 this week and this year has probably been my hardest with her, we had no terrible 2s she was an angel (most of the time) at 3 and once she started school she realized that she could actually manipulate situations using behaviour.. it's just normal for them to push boundaries, as for how to deal with it I just think consistancy is key.
It sounds obvious but following through with (I don't like to call them threats because it sound awful but for lack of a better word) threats is important.
You sound like you are doing everything right and maybe dgp's are being abit old fashioned in how they sre thinking your dts should behave.
I'm all for discipline and rules but children have to push boundaries to figure out who they are.
Is there any specific behaviour they are finding difficult and maybe someone could come along with a best way to cope with that.

Mim78 Fri 21-Mar-14 03:20:24

Maybe looking after twins is just a big ask for dm?

Groovee Fri 21-Mar-14 12:56:46

4 year old's are a law unto themselves. Turning their listening ears on doesn't seem to work.

Is your mum strict or is she quite soft with them?

I find talking quietly gets them realising I am talking and when I ask them what I said they may or may not know!

Edendance Fri 21-Mar-14 13:32:14

I find that recognising the cause of the behaviour and ensuring that it isn't rewarded is important. If they are doing something for attention then don't give any.

If they know that 'hitting is wrong' (for example)-which by 4 they certainly do then don't 'reward' the hitting by giving attention and a long discussion about hitting being wrong, they know it and you're rewarding it by giving them all your attention. Put then out of the room and carry on. When they've calmed down you can go and discuss it with them on your terms.

4 year old twins must be hard work for gp to care for, make sure it's not too much for her.

bopoityboo3 Fri 21-Mar-14 13:46:43

Following through with what ever we say is going to happen works with DD. Also acknowledging she has the right to be angry/sad feel what she feels etc. seems to work but making it clear that she has to learn to manage these feelings in an appropriate manner not by lashing out or whatever.

Edendance Fri 21-Mar-14 20:06:37

Yes to bopoityboo3!

DancesinPuddles Fri 21-Mar-14 20:28:27

Remembering that if they're not looking at you they are almost certainly not listening - children can't divide their attention. So making sure they are standing still and facing you before issuing any instructions you want them to follow. And say everything twice (at least!).

HadABadDay2014 Fri 21-Mar-14 20:34:49

What works 9/10 with DD aged 4 is the threat of no bedtime story.

I have done a number of courses and the main thing is A) realistic expeditions B) give a clear warning C) follow through.

i follow ABC antecedent behavior and consequence

HadABadDay2014 Fri 21-Mar-14 20:36:49

I would also make sure they both are listening, turn off tv/pads and use direct eye contact. ( don't worry if they turn away)

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