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To think this is a bit mean

(33 Posts)
lollipoppi Thu 20-Mar-14 16:49:54

This happened at the weekend but I can't get it out of my head.

I baby sat my DBs 2 children on Saturday night, niece 9yo and nephew 5yo

I arrived at 6pm and at 6.15 my DB have my nephew a bowl of sweets, a drink, and told him it was time to go to bed. I said its a bit early and that he could stay downstairs with me and niece to play (I actually would have quite liked some time with my nephew)
DB said no, every Saturday night nephew goes to his bedroom to watch tv whilst they watch a film with niece hmm then he left

I went upstairs a few times to see if he was ok and he was just sat in his room watching peppa pig

Anyway SIL arrives home from work at 9pm and nephew comes down to see his mum
So basically he has been sat in his room on his own watching tv for 3 hours hmm

Why could he have not just sat downstairs with us watching a nice film?

I didn't say anything but DB has asked me to sit in with them again this weekend

His house, his kids, his rules ect but I just feel so sad for him

phoebeflangey Thu 20-Mar-14 16:52:31

That's awful sad
I would be asking B what his reasons were? If nephew is a behavioural nightmare when they want their quiet movie time, maybe try not giving him bowls of sweets? But encouraging healthier treats and family snuggles watching a film/playing a game.
I wouldn't be able to keep quiet, sorry op

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Thu 20-Mar-14 16:53:13

Yes that does sound mean but i have no clue what you can do or say. Sorry.

ouryve Thu 20-Mar-14 16:55:33

I'd be wondering if it is just Saturday night. What an odd ritual.

GertTheFlirt Thu 20-Mar-14 16:56:45

Perhaps the boy likes the pig thing and the family like a film? maybe the boy doesnt have the capacity to watch 90 mins of 'plot'? perhaps the boy likes being on his own? one of mine does.

I do see where you are coming from so maybe ask DB if you can get a suitable film that you can all watch together?

lollipoppi Thu 20-Mar-14 16:57:06

Should have also said, if this is a totally normal thing to do, tell me! my children are only 1yo and 3yo so I wouldn't know

ThefutureMrsTatum Thu 20-Mar-14 16:57:08

Aww poor lad. I'd take a DVD round next time and some nice snacks for you all to share, then ignore your DB and all watch the film together, then tell yourr DB how nice it was for you all to watch a film.

softlysoftly Thu 20-Mar-14 16:58:06

That is really weird, is this their attempt to get one on one time with each child? I'd ask if the nephew gets a designated "time" with his parents too.

Then perhaps suggest ways they could achieve this without being quite so odd!

lollipoppi Thu 20-Mar-14 17:00:45

That sounds like a good idea Gert and thefuture, il ring SIL and ask if there is a film they both enjoy to watch

lollipoppi Thu 20-Mar-14 17:02:59

No softly I don't think it is, what made me feel really sad is that they hardly get any time with my DB or SIL, they both work silly shifts in their profession so the kids stay out at least 3 nights a week

softlysoftly Thu 20-Mar-14 17:17:48

Oh sad

FunkyBoldRibena Thu 20-Mar-14 17:22:08

Yeah, that is not right. Poor lad. Trying asking his sister why this happens next week, she will know if there is a good reason.

ImaLooney Thu 20-Mar-14 17:24:21

That is a bit mean, especially as you said you didn't mind, quite sad for child really, I wonder if he wants to do it or is being made to

CannyBagOfTudor Thu 20-Mar-14 17:27:38

Sending a 5 year old to be with a bowl of sweets to watch the telly in his room.

I'm a judging!

Sorry, I know that wasn't the point of the thread!

fuzzpig Thu 20-Mar-14 17:27:51


Why can't they have time with the niece when the younger one's actually asleep?

CannyBagOfTudor Thu 20-Mar-14 17:27:54


floppyfanjo Thu 20-Mar-14 17:42:32

Maybe its a special treat / time type thing for the oldest DC ? Maybe the youngest has form for constantly interrupting films or doesn't have the attention span for a film and disrupts viewing by wanting to mess around thus spoiling it for DN?

My oldest (11) has a takeaway on a Saturday night with us after DS (just turned 4) has gone to bed.

The youngest is a typical high maintenance pre schooler and its our way of letting DS1 "come 1st" for a while doing "grown up stuff"

Sometimes Children have to learn that the world doesn't always revolve round them and that sometimes an older or younger sibling may get treated differently dependent on the situation.

BumpyGrindy Thu 20-Mar-14 17:45:07

We throw both our DC up to bedroom to watch a film at about 7.00pm...we know people who sit and watch tv with theirs as "family time" but DH and I don't like that...we just don't enjoy it and we rarely watch tv anyway! I wrong in doing that?

We spend time together doing things...crafts or walking....or cycling.

OlympiaFox Thu 20-Mar-14 17:48:00

It's horrible to isolate a five year old like that. I wouldn't want anything to do with someone who treats a young child so cruelly and would bluntly tell them exactly what I think.

justtoomessy Thu 20-Mar-14 17:59:05

I think that is really, really nasty and emotionally abusive. Your poor nephew.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Thu 20-Mar-14 18:03:59

I think if they were sending him to bed to go to sleep, then watching a film together it wouldn't be so bad, but to send him upstairs to watch tv alone when they are all watching it downstairs together is just bizarre.

Its not like the age gap is so big they couldn't find films to suit both. I can understand a bit more if they were watching 12+ rated films, but I doubt this is the case with a 9y/o.

Sounds like a recipe for a long life of counselling for this poor boy sad

GraduallyGoingInsane Thu 20-Mar-14 18:10:55

It's odd, all I can think of as any kind of explanation is that they have one on one. Is it nephew's turn next week maybe? Very bizarre. When my DDs were happy to stay in and be in the same room as me and DH, they used to take turns in picking the film, so once a month they got their own choice. We didn't banish the other DDs though!

Nataleejah Thu 20-Mar-14 18:49:16

Bowl of sweets and 3hrs of peppa pig... Wow

wouldbemedic Thu 20-Mar-14 19:11:28

I don't understand why you weren't 'allowed' to keep your nephew downstairs if you wanted to. Why don't you decamp upstairs this weekend and bring a few board games? Or maybe confiscate the sweets and decorate biscuits instead?

It sounds like they aren't tuned in to their son's needs...but at the same time, most families cut corners here and there to get some down time. It could be that this is their only breather. I wouldn't be too quick to decide they're like that with him all the time. Also I wouldn't say anything hastily as it would only jeopardise your access to him.

bumperella Thu 20-Mar-14 19:19:52

Could it be that your nephew is funny about having his parents go out and leave him with a babysitter? Maybe the sweeties and Peppa is a treat to make up for that - i.e. his preference? And the "every weekend" line is actually usually 30 mins, not 3 hrs, but a useful shorthand for BIL to use?

I'm clutching at straws as it does seem pretty grim otherwise.

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