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�to want a complete life change..?

(15 Posts)
missusmrs Thu 20-Mar-14 12:34:42

Everything is just so hard! DH and I work full time � 2 hour commute there and back. We live in London with 2 DS aged 5 and 3.

We earn decent wages and yet have no money, no holidays and a 15 year old car, constant worries and counting pennies.

Life is just a treadmill of juggling school/child-minder/drop offs picks up and 2 stressful jobs.

The house bought as a project 3 years ago means a huge mortgage and not enough money to finish it so we are living with uncarpeted floors, plastered walls

We budget/spreadsheet/menu plan wthin an inch of our lifes
Do you ever feel like your getting nothing out of life a thats its just racing and scrimping and juggling�..

We need some big changes as the stress is affecting all our lifes�but where to even start�.. I�m 40 this year DS is 45 and its just feels like now or never�.

Has anyone experience of making radical changes and what were they � did they work?

GingerMaman Thu 20-Mar-14 12:37:36

Poor you, it does sound very stressful.

Would moving out of London help? If it would, do take it. There are plenty if lovely places even just outside of London where you can commute from.

Personally I would look into whether you could move to the north and find jobs there. Houses are so much more cheaper and there's just a better work-life balance there.

Creamycoolerwithcream Thu 20-Mar-14 14:06:22

Could/would you increase the length of your mortgage so you have more money to finish of the house. Another option is move to a cheaper area before DC get too settled in schools where you live now.

Bramshott Thu 20-Mar-14 14:16:41

Sometimes I think that this period whilst your kids are pre-school / primary stage is just hard, no matter what. It feels like you're on a treadmill, and if you stop for just one second (forgetting to lay uniform out the night before for example) it all comes crashing down... I am trying to make peace with that and remind myself that in 10 years time my youngest child will be 16 and it will all be almost over....!

missusmrs Thu 20-Mar-14 14:22:48

Im just hoping there has to be another way! .....If we moved to my country we would at least have family support (an hour on a Saturday alone to get things done, babysitters, sleep overs in cousins houses etc) BUT there is the upheavel, jobs to find and the chance either DH or myself would hate it! We cant afford to quit jobs with current outgoings but would love to work for oursleves but its so risky...sorry I sound so whinny! I suppose Im drowning in the idea that...this is

Ellisisland Thu 20-Mar-14 14:30:40

We were you about a year ago albeit with one DC but the constant juggle of work, childcare, and commute into London was hell. I was miserable as we had no money, debt and I felt I never got to spend any time with my family. I turned 30 and thought I don't want another decade of this.
So we sold up moved to the countryside nearer my mum. Everyone around us in London said we were mad, we'd never get jobs etc and they were so wrong. We cleared our debts, both got work, my DS goes to a great nursery part time and my DM has him the rest of the week. I get home at 4 every afternoon so actually get some family time during the week. We are renting at the moment and saving a bigger deposit than we had before as I don't ever want a huge mortgage hanging over us again. We still have to be careful with money but life is nowhere near as stressful as it was and moving was definitely the best thing we ever did.

Creamycoolerwithcream Thu 20-Mar-14 14:31:11

Could you do a less drastic move to a nearby but cheaper area or house? It does sound like the size of the mortgage is causing the stereo as you both have good jobs. Do you want a massive mortgage for x amount of hear? Will you repayments go up when rates go up cancelling out any savings in childcare when your youngest goes to school? Is your house worth it or could you be a happier family in a cheaper house with less stress? 2 hour commuting, menu planning etc doesn't sound much fun as a long term plan especially if there is a way of avoiding it.

ViviPru Thu 20-Mar-14 14:31:18

I agree with the others. I think the crux of your problem is living in London. Even if your jobs are there, there's plenty of places an hours' commute away that will be more affordable.

Or, if ONE of you could find a job somewhere more affordable, you could move and might find you don't even need two of you to be working full time. the other person could pursue self-employment.

I couldn't be as miserable as that and just live with it. I just couldn't.

Creamycoolerwithcream Thu 20-Mar-14 14:33:03

Sorry I meant to type stess not stereo.

Supercosy Thu 20-Mar-14 14:40:56

I completely agree with Vivi. I just don't understand living like this if you have a choice about it. I'm know life isn't always a bed of roses and we all have hard times where it's a struggle but the end is worth it but when it's constant with no real let up where is the quality of life. I think your instinct to make a change is a good one.

I have a dear friend in a very similar situation.....the whole problem is her enormous mortgage. She lives in a sizeable house in a very expensive part of London, beautiful mind you. As a result she and her dh are constantly broke, heavily in debt, he works crazy hours, she is in full time training because she lost her last full time job. Their childcare situation is a nightmare and they are constanly knackered.

It has been like this for years and everytime she asks me for my advice I say "If I were you I would move somewhere cheaper, you're working this hard just to stand still" but she says she wants to keep living there.

I think you are right though, you have to have a complete change of priorities to make a difference to your situation.

bochead Thu 20-Mar-14 14:42:13

I got out of London and cleared the mortgage last autumn. Rented for 6 months in a totally different part of the country while we buy somewhere new. Started an OU course in the new year that will eventually enable me to work from home in about 18 months, and enable me to homeschool a previously really miserable SN DS.

I'm London born and bred, but the quality of life given our circumstances was getting worse with every year that passed, after I had to give up work due to school issues with DS's SN's. I just could not contemplate enduring another decade of the same. We both deserved more.

Life is too short to be miserable for more than a finite portion of it. Don't just go without taking the time to plan out properly what you really want though, as there is always a compromise to be made somewhere. Any chance I had of ever being able to return to my old career is now gone forever. People vary a lot from place to place too - make sure you go somewhere where there are enough around on your wavelength & opportunities to meet them, for you not to be crushed by loneliness etc.

I'll be happy to retire where I am now.

Do you both have a 2 hour commute and are your jobs near to each other? If so, sell the house and buy something smaller and cheaper nearer to where you work. We are doing up our house but the mortgage is at a level where we can afford to pay for some work each month.

If you are determined to stay where you are then buy some big vats of magnolia and paint the plaster, it'll make the place feel better.

schokolade Thu 20-Mar-14 14:55:01

IME it is the commute that is the killer. That is what I'd focus on sorting. not sure how because it's a difficult one!!

missusmrs Thu 20-Mar-14 15:16:38

We both commute an hour each way, our jobs are central London and we live out west. tbh we are both coming to the end of road of enjoying our current roles so its seems like a good time to reasses.

bochead - excatly! we are both in agreemeent that life is too short, its just how to go about making changes and what changes to make us all happy

schokolade I agree the commute is a killer but unfortunately its where the money is and we wouldnt survive our current status financially if we didnt do it...

GrendelsMum Thu 20-Mar-14 15:55:54

Could you spend 6 months getting the house ready to sell, and then put it on the market in September?

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