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To want to slap the skinny woman who keeps moaning that she's fat...

(28 Posts)
laregina Thu 20-Mar-14 10:23:37

She's a nice girl actually so I am probably BU. But I can't believe she doesn't realise what she's doing (ie fishing for 'ooh but you're so slim remarks).

She is always saying 'Ooh I really need to lose some weight for the summer/for my holiday/whatever ... I'm feeling so fat at the moment' or words to that effect. She must have said it three times this week including this morning on the school run - there's a little gaggle of us who stand around together in the playground. She is very slim and fit (about my height, 5ft 10ish) and can't be any bigger than a size 8 at most, and is clearly confident in some ways about her looks as she usually wears tight fitting or quite revealing stuff (ie very short shorts in the summer, skin tight jeans, etc). I am not big, size 10/12 so I'm not being bitter and twisted grin but there are women she says it to who are probably a lot bigger and it just makes me cringe.

Some of them used to automatically start telling her how slim she was, how she doesn't need to worry, etc. But she still keeps going on and it's getting annoying. I would love to think of something clever to say next time but I don't want to sound like a jealous cow....

peedoffarama Thu 20-Mar-14 10:28:38

You could try agreeing with her! grin

MissMilbanke Thu 20-Mar-14 10:29:50

That used to be me I'm afraid to say but I have managed to stop saying this now as I eventually realise I was being ridiculous.

In her defence she may feel a bit fat from time to time and is just saying this as something to say and start a conversation. Just give her the look and change the subject and if she continues then slap her.

laregina Thu 20-Mar-14 10:30:15

grin I like that idea but I don't think I'd be able to keep my face straight....

ConfusedPixie Thu 20-Mar-14 10:31:05

YANBU. My sisters do this. One is a size 6-8. The other is a size 10 but squeezes herself into 8's. It drives me round the fucking bend. They know what they are doing, though for them there is the added benefit of trying to make me feel insecure with my perfectly normal 10-12 figure hmm

It's more my elder sister who does it these days tbh, the only thing that has shut her up in the past few times I saw her was discovering that I had 30DD boobs, she was puzzling that one for ages as she wears 32C bras. I couldn't be arsed to tell her that she was wearing the wrong size and let her silently froth about her ugly sister having 'bigger boobs' <<smiles serenely>>

Spider7 Thu 20-Mar-14 10:31:49

She may be fishing for compliments or she may well have a big fear of getting fat and to her a few pounds over her usual weight may leave her feeling fat & worried. She may have an eating disorder. The clothes may be an attempt to bolster confidence rather than a show of confidence. Why don't you talk to her & see which it is? Ie instead of reassuring (which never actually reassures someone genuinely anxious) ask why she feels that way, why does she think 8 stone is fat? Etc or just ignore her.

specialsubject Thu 20-Mar-14 10:33:29

do you dare? 'well, obviously you aren't fat. So is there a problem you want to talk about? If not, can we talk about something that isn't so boring?'

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 20-Mar-14 10:34:22

This is what you need to say, OP, it will stop her in her tracks:
"Really? Do something about it then if it bothers you".

NoNoNoNoNoYabu Thu 20-Mar-14 10:37:04

I think it is being crass and unreasonable when doing it in other groups, but I guess maybe she thinks most women like talking about their weight/diets etc.

I find that a lot and I am one of those who very rarely talks disparagingly about themselves, I hate to be thought of as fishing for compliments.

That said, I am also one of those who says "Poor you" rather than "No hun you look gawjus" to those fishing for compliments. Slightly evil but I really hate false modesty.

laregina Thu 20-Mar-14 10:38:03

I would love to say that but the thought of her skinny little face going all crumbly make me shudder at the thought <wimp>

ormirian Thu 20-Mar-14 10:41:41

"Yeah, you said"

Then change the subject.

BuzzardBird Thu 20-Mar-14 10:41:44

I would open up the dialogue by laughing gently and saying "would you like some bait for that fishing rod?" and then when she asks you could find out if she really feels that way.

Joysmum Thu 20-Mar-14 11:02:21

YABU

I've been everything from a size 22 to a size 8 and I honestly don't see what others see. I also need to micro manage to avoid letting things slide.

When I'm a size 8, others see someone slim but in my head I am not different to the size 22 person I used to be, my issues are still there it's just that I'm able to manage them better for a bigger proportion of the time.

ukatlast Thu 20-Mar-14 11:03:05

YANBU it is so crass when they say it within earshot of anyone who is larger basically.
It's similar to A grade students who come out of exams convinced they've failed or University students who claim they never go to lectures or do any work ever.

pinkdelight Thu 20-Mar-14 11:08:13

YANBU. My next door neighbour does this all the time. She's tiny and I'm not but I try to be good and go running etc. Whenever she sees me she starts up about how enormous her thighs are and how much weight she's put on. I try to stay civil, but starting to think peedoffs response is the only way to go.

ENormaSnob Thu 20-Mar-14 11:10:06

'Oh shut it you fat bitch' should cover it.

Supremely irritating behaviour.

WhisperingShadow Thu 20-Mar-14 11:15:43

Well I feel like I could lose a half a stone. I look slim but it is all on my inner thighs which rub and I have a muffin top. I am a size 8. It is probably lack of tone but it doesn't make me feel great. You can't see it because I wear dresses. Maybe she just doesn't feel as good as she could.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 20-Mar-14 11:17:03

Joysmum... Does that mean that you blether on about your weight or fish for compliments though? I can understand friends discussing their weight if that's a topic usually talked about but not making comments to school-gate mums and similar.

Congrats on your weight loss by the way, terrific!

pinkdelight Thu 20-Mar-14 11:36:17

whispering you would hopefully know better than to bang on about those things to a woman twice your size though? I get we all could feel better about our bodies, but it's like moaning that you're a bit short-sighted to a blind person.

WhisperingShadow Thu 20-Mar-14 11:46:35

Yeh I wouldn't moan, only in front of DH.

frumpet Thu 20-Mar-14 11:58:39

I work with a couple of people like this , i am bursting out of my uniform and they are tugging great handfuls of cloth away from their teeny ickle frames and claiming they are soooooo fat . The last time i had to say ' no i am fat , you just feel full , huge difference '

bibliomania Thu 20-Mar-14 11:58:59

Earnestly give weight-loss tips ("Try 5:2!"). If she does feel fat and wants to do something about it, you've been constructive. If she's just making conversation, you've contributed to the conversation. If she's fishing for compliments, you've spiked her rod.

ImaLooney Thu 20-Mar-14 12:03:09

I used to hate that too when people did that as I'm a bit bigger and struggled with weight a bit, when some one slimmer starts moaning there fat it proper wound me up! Then I realised that in some cases people actually do feel fat even if slim, or they need reassurance and compliments to help them feel confident, maybe in case of your lady. Most women are never satisfied with their bodies

laregina Thu 20-Mar-14 12:03:23

I like that idea - I will mention the 5:2 thing if I dare

" Of course you are not fat. A bit flabby maybe but not actually fat as such".

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