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To think this is a bit sick

(27 Posts)
monkeynuts123 Wed 19-Mar-14 20:28:11

A friend of mine told me that when her daughter refused to stay on at school and do her A'Levels, my friend, her mother, didn't kiss her for a year. This woman said she was so furious with her daughter that she didn't kiss her hello, goodbye or nothing for a year. Seriously, that's some passive aggression! It has somewhat put me off this friend and seems a bit excessive to me. She said her daughter was devastated about this at the time.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Wed 19-Mar-14 20:31:03

That's horrible. Although a more suitable 'punishment' for my 16/17 year old would be to insist on giving him a kiss every day. Preferably in front of his mates grin.

But in all seriousness, to purposefully deny your child (of any age) affection is very hurtful & totally out of proportion.

YouTheCat Wed 19-Mar-14 20:32:57

Did the poor girl want to get a job instead so she could get away from her passive aggressive, fucked up mother?

Fathertedfan Wed 19-Mar-14 20:35:13

What a horrible woman

monkeynuts123 Wed 19-Mar-14 20:35:37

The girl just really didn't want to do her A'Levels and promised her mum she would go to university when she was older if her plan didn't work out. She wanted to do an apprenticeship in something hands on and she's really made a success of it, she's a lovely girl. The mum just told me this like it was no big deal, I was horrified really.

FrancesNiadova Wed 19-Mar-14 20:36:39

Are her actions out of love or control? If you don´t do as I say I'll withdraw my love? This bodes not well for the future!

GatoradeMeBitch Wed 19-Mar-14 21:07:10

I suppose if that was their thing it was cruel. I haven't kissed teenage DS since he was 7 or 8 years old though. Is that abnormal?

CailinDana Wed 19-Mar-14 21:11:11

It's not abnormal Gatorade but I do think it's important to maintain physical affection as it's another source of connection in a relationship. It's hard to regain that closeness again at a later stage.

monkeynuts123 Wed 19-Mar-14 21:13:53

Oh she kissed her daughter until her daughter said she wasn't doing A'levels, then the mum withheld affection for a year, a whole year!

BrownSauceSandwich Wed 19-Mar-14 21:16:44

Sounds like a blessing. Who'd want a kiss from an idiot like that?

JeanSeberg Wed 19-Mar-14 21:19:59

It has somewhat put me off this friend

I 'cooled' a friendship over something that involved my friend and her daughter, I don't think you are unreasonable. Generally, friends have simular values.

UncleT Wed 19-Mar-14 22:15:05

YANBU. That's an awful way to react. The poor girl is basically still a child - that kind of treatment can affect a person long-term. No, pissed off though you might be, it's appalling and cruel.

Susyb30 Wed 19-Mar-14 22:50:03

Sounds like a very strange woman to me..what kind of mother behaves like that? How utterly ridiculous and hurtful. God aren't some people such bloody weirdos.

NoodleOodle Wed 19-Mar-14 22:53:58

Cruel.

enriquetheringbearinglizard Wed 19-Mar-14 22:57:30

Beyond strange to do it, poor girl on the end of that behaviour and even stranger to tell people, what kind of reaction was the mother expecting?

It's one thing to not be physically affectionate and quite another to withhold affection as a punishment. How cruel hearted.

tiggytape Wed 19-Mar-14 23:19:59

YANBU in their case at all but nobody tell DS - he'll be booking out of school at the first chance if that's the result. He can just about tolerate a friendly pat on the head as long as it is also accompanied by a biscuit, late bedtime or other, more acceptable form of affection.

It's nice to think some 6th formers would be bothered by a lack of mum's kisses but not nice of your friend at all OP. Not sure what she was hoping it would achieve either.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Wed 19-Mar-14 23:26:32

It's actually shocking, that's one screwed up individual.

hiddenhome Wed 19-Mar-14 23:31:58

That's well weird.

If I was the daughter I'd tell her to shove your bloody kisses and she wouldn't be getting anymore herself. She wouldn't get any birthday cards, gifts or Mother's Day presents either hmm

Thisvehicleisreversing Wed 19-Mar-14 23:38:03

My mum hasn't kissed or hugged me since I was 10.

Should I be worried? confused

Latara Wed 19-Mar-14 23:51:13

That's really sad. It's not the actual kissing, it's that it's a normal gesture the mother uses to signify her affection and to suddenly withdraw that because she disapproves of her daughter's life choices is cruel and mean.

hellokittymania Wed 19-Mar-14 23:58:51

Poor girl sad

musicposy Thu 20-Mar-14 00:16:30

That's terrible, Your children don't exist to live your dreams or to give you boasting fodder for your friends. If they choose to do something different to what you would, well, that's their choice. You can guide and advise at this age but if they ultimately choose a different path a good parent respects that (and is there for the child if it goes wrong).

To withhold affection is beyond controlling and I think I might be rethinking the friendship too.

monkeynuts123 Thu 20-Mar-14 17:46:43

I think I will cool off the friendship. Also she was under a tribunal at work for bullying another colleague which she has denied but her treatment of her daughter has made me think the allegations are probably true.

Anydrinkwilldo Thu 20-Mar-14 17:50:10

My mum used to (and still does) withhold affection when she is cross. I remember sitting in class in school crying because she didn't give me a kiss goodbye. It's an absolutely awful method of punishment

monkeynuts123 Thu 20-Mar-14 18:13:12

Anydrink that's so sad. The allegations at work were that she was bullying a workmate by ignoring her, I'm beginning to think it is probably true.

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