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AIBU?

To think this is a bit sick

26 replies

monkeynuts123 · 19/03/2014 20:28

A friend of mine told me that when her daughter refused to stay on at school and do her A'Levels, my friend, her mother, didn't kiss her for a year. This woman said she was so furious with her daughter that she didn't kiss her hello, goodbye or nothing for a year. Seriously, that's some passive aggression! It has somewhat put me off this friend and seems a bit excessive to me. She said her daughter was devastated about this at the time.

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SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/03/2014 20:31

That's horrible. Although a more suitable 'punishment' for my 16/17 year old would be to insist on giving him a kiss every day. Preferably in front of his mates Grin.

But in all seriousness, to purposefully deny your child (of any age) affection is very hurtful & totally out of proportion.

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YouTheCat · 19/03/2014 20:32

Did the poor girl want to get a job instead so she could get away from her passive aggressive, fucked up mother?

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Fathertedfan · 19/03/2014 20:35

What a horrible woman

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monkeynuts123 · 19/03/2014 20:35

The girl just really didn't want to do her A'Levels and promised her mum she would go to university when she was older if her plan didn't work out. She wanted to do an apprenticeship in something hands on and she's really made a success of it, she's a lovely girl. The mum just told me this like it was no big deal, I was horrified really.

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FrancesNiadova · 19/03/2014 20:36

Are her actions out of love or control? If you don´t do as I say I'll withdraw my love? This bodes not well for the future!

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GatoradeMeBitch · 19/03/2014 21:07

I suppose if that was their thing it was cruel. I haven't kissed teenage DS since he was 7 or 8 years old though. Is that abnormal?

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CailinDana · 19/03/2014 21:11

It's not abnormal Gatorade but I do think it's important to maintain physical affection as it's another source of connection in a relationship. It's hard to regain that closeness again at a later stage.

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monkeynuts123 · 19/03/2014 21:13

Oh she kissed her daughter until her daughter said she wasn't doing A'levels, then the mum withheld affection for a year, a whole year!

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BrownSauceSandwich · 19/03/2014 21:16

Sounds like a blessing. Who'd want a kiss from an idiot like that?

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JeanSeberg · 19/03/2014 21:19

It has somewhat put me off this friend

I 'cooled' a friendship over something that involved my friend and her daughter, I don't think you are unreasonable. Generally, friends have simular values.

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UncleT · 19/03/2014 22:15

YANBU. That's an awful way to react. The poor girl is basically still a child - that kind of treatment can affect a person long-term. No, pissed off though you might be, it's appalling and cruel.

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Susyb30 · 19/03/2014 22:50

Sounds like a very strange woman to me..what kind of mother behaves like that? How utterly ridiculous and hurtful. God aren't some people such bloody weirdos.

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NoodleOodle · 19/03/2014 22:53

Cruel.

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enriquetheringbearinglizard · 19/03/2014 22:57

Beyond strange to do it, poor girl on the end of that behaviour and even stranger to tell people, what kind of reaction was the mother expecting?

It's one thing to not be physically affectionate and quite another to withhold affection as a punishment. How cruel hearted.

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tiggytape · 19/03/2014 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 19/03/2014 23:26

It's actually shocking, that's one screwed up individual.

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hiddenhome · 19/03/2014 23:31

That's well weird.

If I was the daughter I'd tell her to shove your bloody kisses and she wouldn't be getting anymore herself. She wouldn't get any birthday cards, gifts or Mother's Day presents either Hmm

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Thisvehicleisreversing · 19/03/2014 23:38

My mum hasn't kissed or hugged me since I was 10.

Should I be worried? Confused

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Latara · 19/03/2014 23:51

That's really sad. It's not the actual kissing, it's that it's a normal gesture the mother uses to signify her affection and to suddenly withdraw that because she disapproves of her daughter's life choices is cruel and mean.

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hellokittymania · 19/03/2014 23:58

Poor girl :(

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musicposy · 20/03/2014 00:16

That's terrible, Your children don't exist to live your dreams or to give you boasting fodder for your friends. If they choose to do something different to what you would, well, that's their choice. You can guide and advise at this age but if they ultimately choose a different path a good parent respects that (and is there for the child if it goes wrong).

To withhold affection is beyond controlling and I think I might be rethinking the friendship too.

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monkeynuts123 · 20/03/2014 17:46

I think I will cool off the friendship. Also she was under a tribunal at work for bullying another colleague which she has denied but her treatment of her daughter has made me think the allegations are probably true.

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Anydrinkwilldo · 20/03/2014 17:50

My mum used to (and still does) withhold affection when she is cross. I remember sitting in class in school crying because she didn't give me a kiss goodbye. It's an absolutely awful method of punishment

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monkeynuts123 · 20/03/2014 18:13

Anydrink that's so sad. The allegations at work were that she was bullying a workmate by ignoring her, I'm beginning to think it is probably true.

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Aeroflotgirl · 20/03/2014 18:21

She sounds awful, poor poor girl. I physically could not do that, it would be so hard, sounds like she found it easy. Shows what type of person she is.

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