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To be upset at this mum's comments?

(36 Posts)
Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 19-Mar-14 19:04:41

Was talking to good friend mum A. She told me that mum C had said my dd was a bad influence on her dd. Happened to mention this to good friend mum B and she said mum C had said the same thing to her.

Mum C is not a good friend so couldn't really give a shit what she thinks but for her to tell other people that she thinks my dd is a bad influence, well that's a bit unfair. Mums A & B know mum C has form for being up her own arse so they didn't take any notice.

They are all normal seven year olds and her dd is just as talkative and confident as my dd. My dd is doing really well in all her subjects at school and I've never had any negative feedback about her behaviour at school, and I'm there four days a week volunteering so there'd be plenty of opportunity for her teacher to say something.

Mum C fancies herself as a bit of an alpha mum and I think she thinks the sun shines out of her dd's arse. I'm a bit cross that she thinks it's ok to talk about children this way, especially when they don't deserve it.

AIBU? If so please pass me a grip by all means, but I feel a bit upset for dd.

TheArmadillo Wed 19-Mar-14 19:11:32

When I was at school I had a friend x whose mum wouldn't let her play with friend y as y was apparently a bad influence. Y was the best behaved child anyone knew. Never in trouble, hardworking, not even any annoying habits. At worst could be described as slightly dull (even as a teen never got drunk etc).

Parents and kids alike just assumed mum x was mental. No one ever found out why she believed this or could see any reason for it.

I can understand why you'd be pissed off/hurt, but it only reflects badly on the woman who said it. I'm sure people will assume she's odd and it doesn't say anything about your dd.

FranSanDisco Wed 19-Mar-14 19:16:33

Understandably you are upset. Children will pick their own friends so what is she hoping to achieve? It always sounds awful when an adult talks about a child in a critical way - very bitchy. I'm a teacher and once heard a mother describe a child in her dd's class as a bitch to another mother in the playground- this child was 5 yo. She then caught me staring and smiled sweetly. I told everyone in the staffroom as I have a big mouth wink. I'd give her a wide berth as she sounds a bit thick to me.

YouStayClassySanDiego Wed 19-Mar-14 19:18:52

C is bad mouthing your dd to your good friends and by association is having a go at you.

I've not been in this situation but I'd be inclined to take her aside quietly and ask her what issue she has with your dd, not in a confrontational way of course but you're 'concerned' about news regarding your dd which has originated from her.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 19-Mar-14 19:31:46

That's a good suggestion Classy (ace nn by the way), I could do that couldn't I? It might stop it going any further, as god knows who else she's spoken to if it's already been mentioned by my friends.

Thanks all for your kind words. I thought, am I being pfb? It is shitty behaviour though, isn't it?

I've had cheeky behaviour from her dd when I've been doing activities with them at school. She's hardly an angel.

LEtranger Wed 19-Mar-14 19:43:29

When I was at school, and older than this, the mum of my friend A warned my mum that my friend B was a bad influence. Friend B (who is still my best mate after 20 odd years!) was a really bright, kind, fun girl. My mum reckons, that A's mum was just trying to make sure I stayed mates with A because she wasn't very good at making friends - maybe something similar is happening here?

littledrummergirl Wed 19-Mar-14 19:45:51

Is mum c saying that her dd is not clever enough make good judgements? I would never denigrate my dd by saying she was being led astray, she is not a sheep.
I would be tempted to say to her that you have heard she is concerned about her dds ability to make good decisions regarding behaviour and ask if there is anything you could do to help. It must be awfully worrying for c as this could be a symptom of something wrong with her.

momb Wed 19-Mar-14 19:45:55

YANBU. It's so hard not to be hurt on your child's account.
We had the same thing with one of DD2's friends. I tolerated her and included her even though she was a nightmare challenging guest, only to find out that her father had banned my daughter from the house. She chose to tell my daughter this in the middle of her birthday sleepover. My DD was really upset and I was gutted for her.
Definitely call the Mum on it if you can do it nicely. I wish I'd had the nerve.

ajandjjmum Wed 19-Mar-14 19:46:38

She's playing games as your DD is obviously bright and popular - maybe she sees her as being a 'threat' of some sort to her own DD. You do get some stupid women around!

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 19-Mar-14 19:48:28

Yes it might be. Mum C prefers other mums and ditto their kids so perhaps she just doesn't like me. Not that I care for the opinion of someone who happened to give birth at the same time as me and whose kids ended up at school with mine when they live out of catchment.

It's so daft isn't it? They're hardly formed for life at this age. They'll get far more influence in life.

I'd have though my dd would be a good influence on hers, especially as dd is doing so well at school.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 19-Mar-14 19:49:22

That was to LEtranger, thread moved quick!

YouTheCat Wed 19-Mar-14 19:49:36

I reckon she's been pulled in about her dd's behaviour and is looking for a scapegoat.

I wouldn't bother speaking to her about it as it will serve no useful purpose at all. Just tell your dd to keep away from hers.

eightandthreequarters Wed 19-Mar-14 19:51:24

"I was going to invite your DD to my DD's party, but everyone tells me you think she's a bad influence, and I wouldn't want to put you in an awkward situation."

CombineBananaFister Wed 19-Mar-14 20:01:15

This kind of snidey stuff just makes me cringe and ashamed to be female sometimes (maybe it happens with blokes slagging off each others kids but I haven't witnessed it, always the women with playground mentality sad)

I would confront her, it's not ok to talk about 7yr olds in this way but maybe she'll have a genuinely surprisingly response hmm. I wouldn't hold your breath though, it sounds more like there some sort of jealous pettiness or competitive popularity engineering going on.

Nomama Wed 19-Mar-14 20:13:00

Oh god I remember that!

When I was about 15 we moved and I made new friends. One of the mums collared my mum one day and told her to keep me away as I was a bad influence. I was mortified. I wanted to crawl into a hole and pull the earth in on me.

My mum was great, she laughed. Loudly. She told MrsMum that her daughters had not known me when they got suspended / pregnant / arrested / drunk and that, had she been the kind of mum who tried to control her children I would NEVER have been allowed to even LOOK at her daughters, let alone be friends with them.

She even shook the woman's hand and said thank you, with a big smile!

It was awful! But I was so proud of her really.

Maybe Mum C has problems with her DC and is trying desperately to blame someone else. It sounds like everyone else is aware, so just smile, maybe buy your DC a Little Devil hat/badge/bag smile

Fecklessdizzy Wed 19-Mar-14 20:27:29

This happened to me at secondary school - one of my mate's mums decided on no evidence at all ( apart from weird hair and multi-pierced ears ) that I was a Bad Thing and hung up on me every time I phoned ( back in the dark ages before mobiles grin ) My friend was forbidden to speak to me but she always was a wilful trollop and we're still solid 30 years later!

It did hurt my feelings, though ... Mum C is a daft mumper and best ignored!

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 19-Mar-14 20:35:01

Perhaps I'd better ignore and hold my head up high. I am a bit crap with confrontation and I might make it worse. Would so love to tell her what I think though, pull her off that high horse of hers.

Perhaps I'll let it stew for another day, until I'm proper wound up, and then let her have it with absolute impunity. grin

I'm going to ask dd's class teacher if there is anything she'd like to tell me, although as she was gushing with praise for dd at the parents evening last week I somehow doubt there will be. She's quite good friends with this mum C which makes it a bit awkward but I hope she can be professional about it.

YouTheCat Wed 19-Mar-14 21:07:32

Who has said she is quite good friends with the teacher? If it has come from her I'd be dubious.

I've seen quite a few parents who'd consider themselves friends with their kids teachers and tbh (most of the time) they really really aren't.

treas Wed 19-Mar-14 21:16:35

When I was younger one of the mum's considered one of my friends to be a 'bad influence' my mum confirmed that it was because this woman was a raging snob and that she considered this other child's parent not be not of the correct social class.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 19-Mar-14 21:31:58

Nomama grin

I've seen them together, they are a bit pally. Mum C is always very overfamiliar with the teacher. Perhaps if I mention it to the teacher it might get back to Mum C and she might rethink herself.

God, I'm getting to the point now where I think fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Silly cow.

YouTheCat Wed 19-Mar-14 21:49:23

Yeah, we have parents like that. They are often complete pains in the arse who take up way more of the teacher's time than is necessary. Most teachers will be friendly and approachable anyway and then roll their eyes in the staff room.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 19-Mar-14 22:11:33

What's my best approach then? Ignore or confront? grin

MushroomSoup Wed 19-Mar-14 22:31:26

Do you really care?!

everlong Wed 19-Mar-14 22:37:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat Wed 19-Mar-14 22:41:14

Definitely ignore and put it all down to the fact that she's very immature.

She will be that mother .

It's just not worth getting into playground antics with a deluded parent.

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