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To hope I might be offered a seat on the train!

(99 Posts)
Juliealpha Wed 19-Mar-14 16:48:19

On Saturday my dh and I went into London with 3 of our dc. The youngest is 5 weeks, and He was carrying her in a sling. No shortage of people,especially women willing to offer him a seat.

Today, I get on the train for a 2 hour journey, with the baby in a sling. Standing room only, not one offer.

Would rather have hopes the (female) ticket inspector might have encouraged someone to offer up a seat

I do realise I need to learn to be a bit more vocal myself, but I was so cross, it would not have been pretty.

Surely these men have mums, wives and girlfriends, it seems so disrespectful to women!

londonrach Wed 19-Mar-14 16:56:41

Tbh people might not have seen you. If you asked you would have had loads of people standing up to offer you. Next time ask

Objection Wed 19-Mar-14 17:11:52

I think YABU to suggest that gender had something to do with it.
YANBU to expect someone to offer a seat though

Lj8893 Wed 19-Mar-14 17:13:21

I don't understand what being a woman has to do with it?

Yanbu to think a parent with a child in a sling should be offered a seat though.

Burren Wed 19-Mar-14 17:14:49

As you've realised, you need to ask, and before you get cross. I don't think it's the ticket inspector's job, male or female, to do this for you. I don't think it's some kind of sexual double standard either, to be honest - you, your DH and several children were probably rather more visible than you alone with a sling, and if you were on a commuter train, rather than a weekend one, people are far more absorbed in reading, work emails etc.

WorraLiberty Wed 19-Mar-14 17:15:09

Surely these men have mums, wives and girlfriends, it seems so disrespectful to women!

I don't understand that ^^

What about the female passengers, or didn't you want to sit in their seat?

LaurieFairyCake Wed 19-Mar-14 17:16:31

I'm a woman and you'd have to ask me, I wouldn't notice a baby in a sling or anyone standing at all

minipie Wed 19-Mar-14 17:32:15

I agree, ask if you want a seat.

I have spent so many journeys trying to work out if the woman standing in front of me is pregnant or just has a tummy. (Admittedly a baby in a sling is a bit less ambiguous but may not have been spotted, some slings are very discreet).

It would be so much easier if there was a convention that those in need of seats ask.

Stainless Wed 19-Mar-14 17:32:58

I feel for you OP, that can't have been easy. It can feel like train-surfing! angry Was it one of those services where you cant pre-book a seat? sad

jay55 Wed 19-Mar-14 17:34:59

Weekend travellers are different to week day ones.
In the week we're all in our own worlds and don't always notice, just ask.

ilovesooty Wed 19-Mar-14 17:35:35

So why should the obligation have been on male passengers to offer you a seat?

WooWooOwl Wed 19-Mar-14 17:35:40

I don't understand why it's disrespectful to women.

You get different people on the train at the weekend than you do during the week. During the week people are focused on work and are often busy and stressy enough not to consider someone else, but people have more headspace to enable then to be thoughtful and generous during their leisure time at the weekend.

NurseyWursey Wed 19-Mar-14 17:49:21

It's got frig all to do with being a woman, you're not entitled to better treatment. You're not a special little snowflake because you have ovaries.

It would have been nice for ANYONE to give you a seat, of any sex.

But to be honest with the battle of seats these days,how much it costs and how tired I am myself, I begrudgingly offer unless they're physically disabled, pregnant or look like they're in considerable uncomfortable.

Juliealpha Wed 19-Mar-14 17:49:55

I too have a stressful job, but have always taken pride in noticing if someone needs a seat, for whatever reason.
My point about gender was that men with children/babies are seen as cute, like when a dad is in the park, or maybe I have just imagined that.

A woman carrying a young baby, who had had little sleep, stitches, bf. People too absorbed in their own world, seems a very sad state of affairs IMO. They were mostly men on the train, I would of accepted a seat off of anyone. No issue there.

NurseyWursey Wed 19-Mar-14 17:51:11

Having a baby in a sling isn't really that much of an excuse for NEEDING a seat IMO.

And they didn't know you had stitches unfortunately.

Juliealpha Wed 19-Mar-14 17:51:59

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NurseyWursey Wed 19-Mar-14 17:52:41


ilovesooty Wed 19-Mar-14 17:53:52

Oh dear. Someone's thrown their dummy out.

Lj8893 Wed 19-Mar-14 17:54:14

Wow!!! Arnt you a delight!!!

Calamityoncrutches Wed 19-Mar-14 17:54:25

After the day I have had I would say nobody seems to care. I have just started a similar thread and yet nobody appeared to care. thanks For you too.

NurseyWursey Wed 19-Mar-14 17:54:41

Thankyou very much for your lovely inbox OP

That's. because you are a stupid fucking bitch!


NurseyWursey Wed 19-Mar-14 17:55:34

calamity we all expressed our empathy for you because you deserved a seat and didn't turn it into a sexist rant.

Lj8893 Wed 19-Mar-14 17:55:51

calamity you really think the OP deserves flowers??

shakinstevenslovechild Wed 19-Mar-14 17:57:25

Gosh I can't imagine why people aren't rushing to offer you a seat anywhere.

You sound like an absolute delight.

ilovesooty Wed 19-Mar-14 17:57:47

Actually I travel by train once a week an hour each way for work. I'm refused permission to use the car for the journey as my company deems it too expensive.

I wouldn't be giving my seat up for a woman with a baby in a sling. It's not a disability. Book a reserved seat if you want special treatment.

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