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AIBU to be angry with DD for reading my book

(143 Posts)
Serendipity30 Tue 18-Mar-14 21:09:03

Just caught DD sneakily reading my book 'Angela's Ashes'. She is 9 and in my view too young to deal with the themes in her book. Ideas please on how to address this with her tom as she is now asleep.

GeordieRose007 Sun 23-Mar-14 11:49:50

I think as long as you are there to put everything in context and encourage your daughter to talk to about anything she doesn't understand then there isn't a problem here. I think it's great she's showing an interest in books and reading tbh. At her age I was reading much worse; all of my mam's Stephen King and Clive Barker books as a 13 year old, all the Hannibal Lecter books the year after that, Lolita, Game of Thrones, Gone With the Wind, the Marquis de Sade, Shakespeare, cheesy soft porn bodice rippers..anything I could get my hands on was devoured and enjoyed.

rabbitlady Sat 22-Mar-14 21:16:51

if you don't want her to read it, don't have it in the house. all reading material is fair game.
really, i mean it. i feel quite angry that you blame your daughter for reading trash when you read it and leave it around for her to find.

HerGraciousMajTheBeardedPotato Sat 22-Mar-14 20:32:09

Definitely a ridiculous over-reaction, Sleep. I, too gave dd that book in Y5 (10th birthday present, in fact). She's not particularly developed, but it was the right time and led to some very good discussions and learning for her. All of the mums I know who have given Are You There God? to their dds, have done so in primary - some even earlier than Y5.

Nataleejah Sat 22-Mar-14 10:34:12

She's interested in a BOOK! And its a serious book, not one of those mummy porn nonsense.

WitchWay Sat 22-Mar-14 10:18:41

I read all sorts of "grown-up" books at that age. I'd probably suggest it might be too old for her & ask what she thought, telling her that she could discuss anything she found difficult.

If she'd been reading it while I was reading it however, with my bookmark in & everything, i'd go berserk smile

Elsiequadrille Sat 22-Mar-14 10:10:18

Wow, an overreaction I'd say, Sleep. Though I remember (many many years ago now) a friend of mine got into trouble for spending her book prize money on a Judy Blume book as they were banned in the school.

I think the only books I've ever put away in the attic have been Game of Thrones (blush to admit to owning such trash, has now been given to charity) and some of the more dubious Jacqueline Wilson books, but the latter were taken out again and probably never should have gone in. Otherwise, no permission is needed to read anything in the house (unless I'm currently reading).

SleepOhHowIMissYou Sat 22-Mar-14 09:46:45

Cliques NOT cliches! smile

SleepOhHowIMissYou Sat 22-Mar-14 09:39:10

My daughter's read all that she wants to in the school library so is allowed to take in her own books. I bought her Judy Blume's 'Are You There God, It's Me Margaret?". Perfect, I thought. The book is about a 12 year old in middle school who wants to start her period and grow breasts so she's 'normal' and also deals with cliches, peer pressure and starting to notice boys. Also, 'Margaret' has been raised with no religion (like my daughter) and the book is about her relationship with God without dogma.

It was confiscated. Returned at the end of the day with the advice that this is a book for High School children and not suitable for her.

My daughter is one of the older Year 5s and is very physically developed. It is a secular school.

Am I right to think this a bit of an overreaction on the school's part?

mowmylawn Wed 19-Mar-14 23:31:34

EyelinerQueen I was coming on here to say that at 11 I was reading The Exorcist and Flowers in the Attic - AIBU to think that's soooo creepy?

Being a good reader at a young age I would read anything I could get my hands on, if it was left out I would read it.

defonamechangedforthis Wed 19-Mar-14 22:59:57

i agree with lots of posters, say i would let her read it. At her age i was reading Hannibal and all kinds of books from my dads book shelf.
I would say as long as you are open to talk and explore the book in detail with her then it can only be a good thing.
Reading will help to encourage growth and broaden her interests. Perhaps allow her to read what she wants, (50 shades excluded!) and then maybe spend some time talking it through and discussing factors in the book?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 19-Mar-14 22:47:07

Lapsed yes there was a similar bookcase in our house which I found some very interesting books in. The Joy of Sex, a version of the Karma Sutra etc. I remember reading it with my mouth hanging open in shock, and then not being able to look my parents in the eye for days because of the horrific idea that they might have done some of the things depicted in the books!


MyChemicalGerard Wed 19-Mar-14 22:33:17

I meant am am, not i am not! oops

MyChemicalGerard Wed 19-Mar-14 22:30:37

Why angry and not really pleased she is interested in something worthwhile? I was reading Stephen King and other adult books at 9, loved reading and am not studying literature at Uni so never damaged me smile

BrokenButNotFinished Wed 19-Mar-14 22:22:07

I haven't read the whole thread, but I agree with others: children bounce off the bits they're not ready for. I read 'Lady Chatterley' at 10 or 11 and while I understood the words on the page, I totally failed to grasp what it was really on about. If she's interested, let her read it. Explain what you feel you want to. It's years since I read 'Angela's Ashes', but I just remember it being miserable.

To 'Wuthering Heights', on the other hand, read at 14, can be attributed much of my teenage emotional torment. I didn't realise love wasn't meant to be like that... grin

FrumiousBandersnatch Wed 19-Mar-14 22:09:24

I read Jane Eyre when I was about eight and had terrible nightmares about the red room.

LapsedPacifist Wed 19-Mar-14 19:57:42

I found a copy of 'The Encyclopaedia of Sex Practice' in the parental (broken) locked 'Forbidden' bookcase, when I was 8. Most enlightening.

BoffinMum Wed 19-Mar-14 18:27:54

Good grief, you should have seen what I was reading at 9. Turned me into a brilliant reader and ultimately an academic. Kids tend to skip over the bits they are not ready for emotionally.

Just tell her to ask if there's anything that worried her in the book.

LapsedPacifist Wed 19-Mar-14 18:22:29

It was Little Women that traumatised me.


Other books on our 1960s 'Nursery Index' included The Little Wooden Horse, Black Beauty and The Water Babies - all good classic children's books which had to be hidden away after causing my younger brother to cry himself to sleep for months.

Wuthering Heights - a set book at school - messed with my 13 year old head far more than a contraband copy of Mandingo purloined from under my BF's mother's bed. WH was supposed to be 'literature' and therefore instrinsically important and 'good', but the inexplicable emotional and physical cruelty portrayed was deeply disturbing. At least Mandingo could be interpreted within the context of slavery and was obviously intended to be a trashy bodice-ripping heap of sleaze blush

OP - if your DD is upset by reading Angela's Ashes then she will have learned a hard truth about peeking into the Pandoras Box that is the world of adult books. Hopefully she will ask your advice about what to read in future, or at least read a bookjacket carefully to find out what the book is about before reading it. She is very unlikely to experience any lasting damage!

LondonForTheWeekend Wed 19-Mar-14 13:20:47

I also think anger is an odd/inappropriate response.

There are plenty of people today living AA style lives e.g. In Syria. Perhaps you could use this as an opportunity to start a discussion?

ProlificPenguin Wed 19-Mar-14 12:35:45

Btw I am not suggesting that Harry Potter is a grown up book but the books are lengthy and a good story if she wants to get into novels rather than children's short stories.

ProlificPenguin Wed 19-Mar-14 12:29:57

Angela's Ashes isn't a great fun read but it's wouldn't be harmful to a nine year old. (pigs head for Christmas might be a bit disturbing) Keep the book out of sight for a few days, get her a new book?

At nine if she is reading well try her with more grown up books? Vet them first? Is she into Harry Potter?

I was an avid reader as a child and had read the whole contents of the library in primary school. When I went to secondary school I read Kane and Abel by Jeffrey Archer, at the age of 11, the teacher obviously hadn't read it, the rape scene was far too graphic for a tender age but it didn't do me any long term damage.

Marne Wed 19-Mar-14 12:16:56

I let my dd read what she wants tbh, she's 10 and has just read the hunger games, she would happily read Angela's ashes too smile, of course I wouldn't be letting her read 50 shades of grey but I wouldn't have anything like that in the house.

Marylou62 Wed 19-Mar-14 12:09:16

Isnt MN amazing! I have learnt so much! I thought Angelas Ashes was a very thought provoking book and I thouroughly loved it and the style of writing.. and his other 2 books. I was a devourer of books from very young and I can think of no book that has damaged me and I read Stephen King very early. I found 'Every Woman' and read that very young too! Now some films...that's a different subject...

fuzzpig Wed 19-Mar-14 10:31:27

OP makes no mention of the library, if you make regular visits you can have up to 12 books of your own choice lined up

In my county you can have 20. <smug> grin

kentishgirl Wed 19-Mar-14 10:11:34

I too was reading the whole house's books at that age.

I can understand 'ask before you borrow' for most things, but books? Unless you have real porn etc, I think it's great for a child to be able to roam the lot. I used to read my parents books, sisters, brothers and just ate them up. All sorts. And some with themes/characters/events that might be considered not suitable, but it did me no harm and a lot of good. I learned so much. It would be a shame to restrict a keen 9 year old to only 100 children's books. Books (to the bookish) are like air or food in the house, there for everyone and a necessity of life :-)

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