In the treatment of BIL?(76 Posts)
So first aibu ....
Bil turns up just over two years ago. He moved in with me, dh and our small child to a small 2 bed flat. Landlord decides to sell so we have to move because bil is still there complaining about sleeping on the sofa we moved to a three flat plus we had baby 2 at this point. He still complains doesn't like the area, the room is too small, dh has stuff in his room, he doesn't like the way I do his washing and the fact I don't iron everything, the fact I ask him to tidy up after himself and make his own drinks and breakfast or that that the food I cook for dinner is too foreign. Oh and there is a draft, the heating is not enough - wear a jumper - basically complaint after complaint in two years. He has never paid us anything.
So Sunday he sits in his room talking on the phone so loudly that I have turn the TV up in the living room which is across the hall. I snapped and I shouted. I am sorry for shouting but I have had enough. He says I am a bully and bursts into tears. I am stopping him talking to his family and going to the loo in the morning. I said no I am asking you not to shout and bang doors. I asking you to think of others this a flat with a central hallway. No I am a bully and he has left.
Dh's family are cross and don't understand why I have been so fed up. Is it so odd to just want a home for me, dh and the children? I have felt restricted with a guest who hasn't left. I just want to slob on the sofa and watch trash or even just sit cuddle dh. Can't do that brother is here.
So have been unreasonable?
Dh is stuck between a rock and a hard place with me and the kids on one side and family back home the other.
If you recognise me please don't say
Well, it all came to a head. I can see you might feel bad it came to a confrontation, but it's good that he's gone and you are rid of him. Don't let him back in.
And I think your DH has let you down really, not thinking of your needs and feelings and not negotiating with his brother a living arrangement that suited everyone, rather than just suiting your BIL.
And not everyone does this, even if they are from a culture that apparently might expect it. My father comes from such a culture but generally refused to have relatives living with us except on a couple of occasions and he did lay down some strict rules about what was being offered/expected. When one of my cousins rather tried it on demanding I pay for stuff other relatives rang to apologise.
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