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To want my dad to interact with my dcs?

(10 Posts)
muddyprints Tue 18-Mar-14 16:18:04

Dad visits once a week and sees dd2 for an hour, he sees dd1 once every 6 weeks in school hols as he can only come during school hours as he works evenings.
They both love visitors, run to the door with hugs and get games out to play, jigsaws, drawing pad etc and want to play.
Dad just wants to talk to me, he has no friends, if I tell him anything about kids or me or dp he listens but then talks about himself again. He only wants to talk about academia or his newest girlfriend. He doesn't really talk to kids, or ask them anything, and if he plays he does for 1 or 2 mins then says he's had enough and wants to talk to me so they wander off and play alone.
Dd1 just looks sad and goes but dd2 gets attention seeking after a while and asks for drinks, toilet, jumps around, anything for attention and I feel torn.

CailinDana Tue 18-Mar-14 16:28:13

YANBU to want it but you can't change who he is. My dad didn't want to bother visiting from abroad when my DD was born. It hurts. But that's the way he is. I won't be forcing a relationship between him and his gcs. It's his loss.

ASmidgeofMidge Tue 18-Mar-14 16:29:41

Watching with interest. My DF is like thus, too. DS (2nd child) born in Jan. DM couldn't wait to visit to meet him, but DF not at all interested. He was the sane when DD was born.

ASmidgeofMidge Tue 18-Mar-14 16:29:52


ASmidgeofMidge Tue 18-Mar-14 16:30:24


Fgs grin

Shellywelly1973 Tue 18-Mar-14 16:34:00

My dad is exactly the same. He can't even to manage to call them by their correct names.

I don't bother with him anymore. Very sad!

HillyHolbrook Tue 18-Mar-14 16:46:18

DPs dad was like this when his first Grandchild was born.

He doesn't like babies anyway, and when DNephew got a bit older and didn't have the personality that his grandad wanted him to have, so he just showed absolutely zero interest.
It's sad because DNephew loves his grandparents, and DPs mum loves them but DPs brother never wants to bring them over or have them stop overnight because the rejection from Grandad upsets the poor mite.

It makes me want to keep future DC well away because either they'll get the same treatment or one of them will be good enough and he will obsess over them and reject their siblings/cousins. Some people are just like that.

AdoraBell Tue 18-Mar-14 16:57:35

Is it that fathers were not so involved as they are now? It used To be very much that mother's looked after the DCs, even when fathers were present.

Maybe some of the older generation just can't Get their heads around the concept. Like my father's reaction To DSis working To support herself and DN after her divorce. He thought she should be at home 24 hrs a dayhmm.

My father wasn't interested in GDCs either and FIL is happy for them To be in the same room as long as they don't Get in they way, interrupt or demand attention, you know, seen but not heard.

GertTheFlirt Tue 18-Mar-14 17:21:01

Not everyone is child-centric. How was he with you growing up? On all fours playing horsey or was he quite remote and waiting for you to be able to have a reasonable amount of intelligent conversation? I far prefer my children now they can read the paper and have a sensible discussion

muddyprints Tue 18-Mar-14 21:39:56

He was more remote when I was a kid too, more interested in school results.
Problem is, now before the visits I feel anxious knowing dd will feel pushed away and il try to compensate and he will keep turning conversations and asking me to read things so I have to ignore dd and I don't like it.

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