Who is being unreasonable regarding Dc?

[Jiggerypoke]

I've name changed for this, am a regular poster.

Me and my Dp keep arguing over pretty much the same subject, my Dc.

He is constantly moaning about what they do or don't do and it's getting on my nerves. I'll phone him on the way home from work and he has to tell me Ds left some dishes on the coffee table.

Last night he was going on for ages about what he would do if he had Dc, how they wouldn't watch tv and would come home from school and do some reading and writing. I asked if he would like to come home from work everyday then do some more work before he was aloud to rest.

I ended up telling him how funny it was the idealist views people with children have before they have the reality of it. It ended up with him saying he was going to ignore my Dc in future and leave me to it. He hasn't spoken to me since.

I'm just so fed up with it, it's not as if my Dc are feral beasts or anything.

[HighwayRat]

If my dp said that about my dd he would be out the door. Noone treats my child with such contempt and disregard.

[CoffeeTea103]

Sorry but are you really looking at this situation properly? He sees them as 'your' kids and treats them so. Why would you want to be with someone like this?

[TheBody]

oh dear afraid yes agree. no person would treat my kids with such disrespect. he would be out of our lives today.

I presume you nov because you know this right?

no bloke is worth more than my children's happiness

[workingtolive]

^ that

[JonSnowsPout]

A parter not liking my children would be a deal breaker for me

Get rid.

[Sirzy]

Are you living together?

Why on earth would you get to that point in a relationship with someone who obviously doesn't like children/your children?

[7to25]

"Old maids have the best-reared weans"
Get rid. (of him)

[Jiggerypoke]

I think what he is saying is that I either want him to be properly involved or not. So he gets annoyed when I tell him to stay out of it and let me decide how best to deal with a situation.

[Sirzy]

In that sense he does have a point but not the way he is going about it.

[Jiggerypoke]

I don't think he dislikes my Dc. He just gets annoyed with the eldest leaving a mess everywhere. He's good with them, plays with the youngest, has endless patience etc. it's just he has these views that he likes to tell me about that get my back up.

[CoffeeTea103]

Well then the problem is you sending mixed messages. He's taking out the frustration on your kids. Either way your kids should come first.

[Jiggerypoke]

From my point of view it feels like an insult of my parenting.

[Sirzy]

And to him it feels his views don't count. You need to sit down and discuss it properly.

[Jiggerypoke]

My kids do come first.

I may be sending him mixed messages. It's just hard dealing with what feels like constant criticism. I think the end decisions should come from me.

I don't mind him telling them off if they need it. He usually just complains to me instead.

[Jiggerypoke]

We try to but it turns into an argument.

[Bunbaker]

If he lives with you and your children and wants them not to leave a mess and you won't ask them I think he has every right to ask them to tidy up. He probably feels that he can't as they aren't his children.

I think you need to make some ground rules regarding this issue and agree to stick to them.

[Jiggerypoke]

I

[Jiggerypoke]

I do tell them not to leave a mess, all the time.

I don't have a problem with him telling them but he won't though just tells me to tell them.

[TheBody]

I realise that step parenting must be incredibly hard work especially as he has no children himself but phoning you at work to essentially grass them up! not dies king to them and you?

he sounds incredibly childish and immature op.

also maybe jealous.

I would get rid.

[TheBody]

not dies king! sorry not talking. he sounds a precious knob.

[Jiggerypoke]

If we can't resolve this then I can't see a future.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

I think he is in a bit of a difficult situation. You don't want him involved in parenting decisions but you do want him to share a house with your children. So your children's behaviour impacts in him on a daily basis but he feels he has no say in it. I can see a tension there.

[WooWooOwl]

YABU to let someone who is constantly irritated by your children to live in their home.

[cory]

Try sitting him down and explaining that you'd like to make a new start. You understand that he feels his views don't count and that he would like to be more involved in parenting.

But: if that is what he wants, then you have to work like ordinary functional biological parents do. That means presenting a united front, agreeing on family rules beforehand, not letting the whole family be swamped in an air of overall negativity. It does not involve one parent moaning at the other about the children as if they somehow reflected on her alone.

[Jiggerypoke]

If I agreed with his parenting ideas maybe I would want him more involved.

It's not like my Dc are really naughty, the eldest is a messy teen granted who could do a lot more. The youngest is pretty good, will whinge and moan a bit but that's the extent of it. He does as he's told.