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to not want my MIL to follow me on social media

(26 Posts)
scooterland Mon 17-Mar-14 22:13:29

My MIL has just put in a request to follow me on Twitter (my account is locked). A few months ago she was on about being my friend on FB but I politely declined citing the fact that my account is not very active (true) and that I don't like it much (true, too).
Whilst I admire her for being so up to date with technology I cannot stand how she pores over other people's photos on FB, she really is incredibly nosy. She's friends with my nephew and niece and checks all their contacts, analyses all the pics, making comments etc She spends ages on that in the evenings.
Now she's just put in a request on Twitter, after finding out my niece/nephew follow me (I don't do FB with them). I use Twitter for work/with a few friends. I don't really see what she'll get out of following me but then don't want to offend her. I guess I resent the fact that she'll just be poring over every single of my contacts, making comments etc. It's what she does on other people's accounts, including my teenage nephew's FB party pics, silly pics, selfies etc... I'm quite a private person and feel this like a bit of an intrusion. Am I being mean?

PuggyMum Mon 17-Mar-14 22:16:11

I think YABU. Is that not what social media is for?

LimeLelloLizard Mon 17-Mar-14 22:17:45

YANBU. You don't have to allow anyone to follow you / be 'friends' with you unless you want to... but I think you know that.

Just decline.

My mother is a bit like your MIL with fb - really nosy. On the other hand, surely that is why people post stuff on social media - to show off keep everyone up to date with their lives?

PuggyMum Mon 17-Mar-14 22:18:00

My friend has a private twitter account and kept getting angry that companies weren't responding to her tweets... I pointed out they wouldn't as her tweets can only be seen by those who follow her! It's a bit pointless if you're private IMO.

NurseyWursey Mon 17-Mar-14 22:18:31

confused this is what people do yano, it's what your friends will be doing?

If you're a private person why are you on there grin

Although I blocked my MIL because she's bloody weird and comes out with the most stupid of comments.

ArtexMonkey Mon 17-Mar-14 22:18:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scooterland Mon 17-Mar-14 22:21:16

You're right - it's to keep people up to date with our lives and sharing pics. Here though she kept on and on at my nephew until he finally gave in as she kept asking him if he would be her friend on FB. It was a bit pathetic. He said no for ages as I think he was worried about what she would see. Then he gave in as she was really pushing.
It's not just keeping an eye on the news, it feels like prying ...

deakymom Mon 17-Mar-14 22:23:13

can't you make her and acquaintance or something i know you can on fb it means they can't see your pics and other bits? (can you do that on twitter?) im not really a twitter person myself (as you can tell)

i know how you feel though my mil is on my facebook and i put up something about my husband being a lazy sod (commenting on my friend's status) she made a snarky remark then rang up to see why i was angry with him!

although we did find it funny when there was a most wanted for our area from the police? and she commented is oh going to apply for this....she thought it was a job! it was a bunch of on the run thieves and rapists! grin

NurseyWursey Mon 17-Mar-14 22:23:32

Well you could always just add her to shut her up, then make your posts so she's blocked from seeing them.

That's what I've done with a few people.

When you post a status click the drop down bit where it says 'friends' then select custom and change it so friends except MIL can see. It'll apply for all posts from then on. She'll never know.

scooterland Mon 17-Mar-14 22:24:27

I use DM on Twitter. It works with people who follow you - works for me anyway

scooterland Mon 17-Mar-14 22:26:13

Yes, should I have accepted FB friending instead of Twitter as more flexible that way ... I think on Twitter you follow and that's it, no subtleties!! Oh well might have to backtrack and say I can do FB instead!

scooterland Mon 17-Mar-14 22:28:02

That's so funny deakymom, that's exactly the sort of stuff she would do smile

fukkigucci Mon 17-Mar-14 22:32:13

My MIL talks about all the people she stalks on Facebook. When she tried to add me I just told her that I didn't want to be her friend because it's too close! I'm sure she was hurt, but she intrudes into my life on a regular basis, and I don't need her on my Facebook too

WorraLiberty Mon 17-Mar-14 22:32:39

What's the difference between your MIL 'pouring' over these things and you simply looking at these things?

I expect your MIL sees other people with their families on their social media accounts, so sees nothing wrong with asking to be on yours?

ClownsLeftJokersRight Mon 17-Mar-14 22:37:22

This is exactly what bothers me about FB etc and my in-laws would be all over it if I joined. My mil sounds very much the same as yours Scooter. I think the whole social media thing probably just isn't me though but it astonishes me that so many people don't find it unbearably intrusiveconfused.

I joined Twitter because I felt I should give it a go, but not under my own name. I barely use it. I don't find it remotely interesting.

scooterland Mon 17-Mar-14 22:39:33

That's the thing, I use FB occasionally with friends to see pics of our kids growing up. I'll post the odd pic but otherwise nothing else, nothing else that she hasn't seen in terms of pics - I use Twitter and Pinterest for my creative work. I feel if she joined Twitter she would basically be following what I do when I work which is none of her business.
She does analyse every pic though, you wouldn't believe. She loves a goss too. Nothing wrong with that but not with my life, thank you!

NightCircus Mon 17-Mar-14 22:40:09

Oh god, my mil is all over my page.
Did this thing that reviews the previous year and tallies who liked/commented most on your page.
My mil came up as my sodding best friend. Literally double the number of comments than anyone else (300+) -6 times as much as my true best friend.....she isn't one for being in the background!!

It does annoy me as she jumps into conversations with old school acquaintances and current workmates and monopolises page. You can't filter which bits people can see now without them knowing they're blocked.

bubblegoose Mon 17-Mar-14 22:46:18

it's to keep people up to date with our lives and sharing pics

It doesn't have to be though. Mine is used for everything but. I don't even have my real name (but I do have real friends). My MIL added me but I didn't add her back. I explained that I use FB for messing about and if she wants pictures of the DCs, updates about our lives I'd be happy to email her and she was cool with that.

ClownsLeftJokersRight Mon 17-Mar-14 22:47:16

Oh god Nightcircus I couldn't bear that. I prefer to keep mil at a very (very) long arms length.

AlansLeftMoob Mon 17-Mar-14 23:01:40

YANBU. I'm not even friends with my own mother on social media anymore because no matter how many times she promises not to comment on everything I put up or everything I do, she can't help herself and anything I do or say online is commented on, so I've blocked her. I was getting notifications every few hours, she seems to do nothing but sit on FB commenting on photos, status updates, things people like, and it's all a "poor me I can't see that video I'm only on an old phone I have no laptop"- WHY ARE YOU COMMENTING THEN??!!" Drives me mad. I use FB specifically to interact with family or friends in different countries, that's it. I don't want to interact with my mother on it.

StrawberryCheese Mon 17-Mar-14 23:09:57

I have my mil on Facebook and we have 24 mutual FB friends! shock It's mainly family/family friends. She lives abroad so FB is her main way of keeping up to date with everyone and she will 'like' and comment on everything. I don't post that much and might think twice about expressing my honest opinion with her being there.

My mum is the one that I would never befriend on social media. Thankfully she can hardly use a PC.

EeeIcouldCrushAGrape Mon 17-Mar-14 23:09:58

I'm lucky in this respect as my MIL has absolutely NO clue about FB or Twitter (and I'm an addict of both! grin )
Although if she did suddenly become adept at the whole social media thing, I wouldn't have a problem with her following me on Twitter, as that's more of a generic thing and just random thoughts and links to my blog posts. smile
Facebook however. there's such a thing as a 'hide' button. In other words, I could accept her as a friend and then immediately put her on limited view.
I could continue to spout my drivel on there and she'd be none the wiser and think I'm dead boring on there and never post. grin

Chloerose75 Mon 17-Mar-14 23:22:55


My mum constantly comments to me on the phone about who has posted what on facebook! She will complain that various relatives couldn't make time for her but she could see they were not busy as they were only at this that and the other place/activity/out with the kids/at home as she saw from facebook!

Defnotsupergirl Tue 18-Mar-14 01:44:46

Make her an acquaintance and set your default posting type to friends except acquaintances and she'll never know.......

mumteedum Tue 18-Mar-14 17:46:43

Well you could block her? Your tweets won't appear in her timeline then but I don't think you necessarily know you're blocked.

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