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On wanting to live 45mins away from my husband's child from a previous marriage?

(33 Posts)
FLEUR21 Mon 17-Mar-14 12:09:42

Hello. I am pregnant for the first time and wish to move out of London to avoid pollution etc and so the kids can enjoy a more countryside style of living. I am keen to live in a town which is 45 mins away from my husband's ex-wife and 11 year old child. He has a really good relationship with his child and we have him to stay every other weekend. We currently live about 20-25 mins away depending on traffic. The issue is my husband is getting pressure from his ex wife to live as close as possible and she has said that somewhere even half an hour away is unacceptable. While it's great the ex wants my husband to have a relationship with his child, I find it difficult to comprehend the problem she has as the town is in the same county as where she lives in now. My view (and I accept I could be wrong) is that anywhere an hour or less is ok? Thoughts welcome! Many thanks

MeepMeepVrooom Mon 17-Mar-14 13:43:24

Well providing she doesn't have to do anymore driving than she does, there are no changes and the CM won't be affected it's really nothing to do with her.

Shonajoy Mon 17-Mar-14 13:48:38

While it seems petty, maybe she's concerned that if she's away with work or something, it takes twice as long for a parent to get th child should something happen. Why doesn't your dh simply ask her? And offer to do a pick up or drop off since it now makes her journey an hour and a half round trip instead of fifty minutes.

WaitMonkey Mon 17-Mar-14 13:54:56

45 minutes isn't a big deal, especially if she was considering moving 2.5 hour's away.

FLEUR21 Mon 17-Mar-14 14:01:50

Thanks everyone for all your comments. I feel better / more secure in my view that 45mins is reasonable but at the same time I do take note of others with regard to doing more pick up/drops off's (which we're already happy/prepared to do now anyway). Also the comment about him getting older and combining contact with his other social engagements is interesting and something I'd not factored in and will admittedly be more difficult the further away we are. But I am concerned that we'll move somewhere closer to where I ideally want and then in a couple of years she'll upsticks anyway but I guess that's life - there are no guarantees!

olympicsrock Mon 17-Mar-14 14:02:27

YANBU, no big deal and your choice. She has no say in the matter

ChuckitintheBucket Mon 17-Mar-14 14:08:03

SaucyJack I would have loved 2 weekends a month with my dad. OP yanbu.

SaucyJack Mon 17-Mar-14 16:07:18

Clearly SaucyJack you have not been through a painful divorce!

Oh believe me I have. Only my children's dad would rather chew his own foot off than concern himself with the daily grind of bringing up his kids, so I hope you'll forgive my cynicism.

FLEUR21 Mon 17-Mar-14 16:29:54

I do understand SaucyJack because my father was the same (he'd travel the breadth of the country for work but only visit us on the odd occasion). My husband is a brilliant dad - when he has the opportunity to be - and it was one of the things that I fell in love with. It's not my DH's choice just to see him every other weekend and we have fought hard to see him more.

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