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To think DH's friend shouldn't call so much?

(8 Posts)
Topaz25 Mon 17-Mar-14 00:11:50

This evening DH and I cuddled up and took a nap together after a long day. It would have been relaxing but I kept being woken up by DH's phone ringing. I was only half awake so I was too tired to find it and turn it off or throw it out the window. DH slept through it! When we woke up properly it turned out DH's best friend, let's call him A, had called him 9 times on his mobile and 7 times on Skype in 2 hours, then texted him telling to pick up! DH texted back to say sorry he missed his calls but he had been asleep and now we were going out. Then we went out to a restaurant for dinner and A called two more times till finally DH had to pick up to tell him it wasn't a good time! It wasn't an emergency, he was just having problems with a game they both play! A has done this a few times recently, calling repeatedly till he gets a response and his reason for calling is never urgent.

DH has known A since school. He now lives in Scotland while we live in England so they don't see each other much but stay in touch by phone and online. They used to talk a couple of times a week or less but recently A has started calling a lot more. He is going through a difficult time at the moment, he recently took on guardianship of his brother's 2 DC. He doesn't ring DH to talk about this but we think he might be trying to take his mind off things. The thing is, A has not always been there for DH at difficult times and DH does feel that A looks down on him a bit because A has a more successful job. So this does feel a bit one sided.

Is A being unreasonable and how should DH deal with this?

BumpyGrindy Mon 17-Mar-14 00:58:47

poor man. He needs support. sad

Topaz25 Mon 17-Mar-14 01:04:30

How best should DH support him though? He does have a longterm partner and friends and family members that live nearer. There is a limit to what we can do from this distance. He doesn't want to talk about the situation itself, just video games etc, which is fine sometimes but can get overwhelming when he calls repeatedly just to chat. DH wouldn't do this to him so the friendship just seems a bit unequal.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Mon 17-Mar-14 01:06:28

A, poor man needing support or not, is being utterly u. 16 attempts to contact in the space of two hours, plus texts, and another two calls, all about some stupid game?

If he was actually calling to discuss his problems, maybe that would be less u (but 16 tries in 2 hours is still nonsense) but as it stands...

A needs professional help/support, totally u to expect op's dh to be there at the drop of a hat.

Can't really help with how dh responds, other than to suggest he turns his phone off when otherwise engaged.

Topaz25 Mon 17-Mar-14 01:06:40

If he had something on his mind he needed to discuss it would be different but it's always just general stuff.

Topaz25 Mon 17-Mar-14 01:11:41

I would just like to point out that A's brother has not died, but has been declared unfit to care for his DC, hence A looking after them, I don't know all the details. Obviously it's still a stressful situation but I'm not sure I explained it clearly.

Topaz25 Mon 17-Mar-14 01:12:31

Thanks, I have suggested DH turn his phone off when he is busy and maybe schedules a couple of calls with his friend a week to catch up so they are still in contact but when it is convenient. He does want to help but is just feeling a bit overwhelmed.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 17-Mar-14 05:15:31

I think DH ought to say to him that if he doesn't answer it's because he's busy, ringing repeatedly won't make him any less busy.

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