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To have called her out on being judgemental?

(16 Posts)
WetDogLovesHubert Sun 16-Mar-14 16:09:01

This was my MiL, so probably skewed by that but...

She raised the subject of someone I don't know at lunchtime, mentioning how this woman's first baby is black, and the second, recent addition, is 'coffee coloured'. I wanted to know what was so amusing about a woman having two babies by two different fathers, of different ethnicities. And then said that I couldn't understand the amusement, and that I didn't think this made the woman a whore (I wouldn't typically use that word, but I was annoyed). Which left things rather frosty around the table.

Was I being unreasonable to have called attention to this judgemental behaviour?

Pumpkinpositive Sun 16-Mar-14 16:14:07

There's nothing in your post to indicate your mother in law either thought this was a) amusing or b)that the woman was a whore. (Did she?)

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Sun 16-Mar-14 16:16:34

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Linguini Sun 16-Mar-14 16:17:02

YANBU. Anyone who is bothered in the slightest by the ethnicity of other people or their offspring needs a reality check.

WetDogLovesHubert Sun 16-Mar-14 16:17:06

Sorry, my post was rather light on detail. There was a lot of talk around the subject of how this woman had obviously opened her legs to a lot of men.

CorusKate Sun 16-Mar-14 16:18:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pumpkinpositive Sun 16-Mar-14 16:22:38

In that case, are you sure your MIL's attitude is due to the ethnicity of the child as opposed to the fact she has two children by two different men? Not that that attitude should go unchallenged either, but it would hardly be uncommon amongst "people of a certain age". (I am assuming the woman in question was not married to either man, as opposed to tragically widowed).

chocolatemademefat Sun 16-Mar-14 16:26:55

Did your MIL call the woman a whore? My mother is very racist and no amount of calling her out over it will change her views. At the end of the day they have to live with their own conscience and no matter how ignorant their views make them sound they won't want to understand why you don't like it.
Every time she makes remarks like this change the subject. She WILL eventually get the message - it takes a while but at least she'll begin to realise you're not interested.
And no - you were not being unreasonable - just never going to change her views.

DoJo Sun 16-Mar-14 17:03:17

I'm not sure how thinking she must have had sex with a lot of different people is related to the ethnicity of her children? And were you the first to use the word whore? Because IMO that makes you as bad as your MIL by implying that the only reason she would have had that many partners is because she is a paid prostitute. Maybe she just likes sex?

WetDogLovesHubert Sun 16-Mar-14 17:05:05

It was a mix of the two, a bit racist and a bit judgemental about this woman's sexual exploits. She typically refers to people's colour which also drives me potty.

Point noted about changing the subject. I do normally, but this once I was maddened!

AurorasDownTheRabbitHole Sun 16-Mar-14 17:09:25

If someone has to judge another why can't people judge people by their actions rather than their skin color? YANBU I would have called her on her behavior too. What does she want? The poor woman to stitch a red A into all her clothing?

GreenLandsOfHome Sun 16-Mar-14 17:12:22

Discussing colour doesn't automatically make you a racist. My best friend and I have often discussed her childrens colour, because they don't look related at all (full siblings) and it's a talking point for her constantly.

AurorasDownTheRabbitHole Sun 16-Mar-14 17:16:07

She typically refers to people's colour which also drives me potty. <--- this seems a bit racist to me GreenLandsOfHome

honeythewitch Sun 16-Mar-14 17:16:46

In the sixties and seventies the term " coffee" was used much as we say " mixed heritage" today, and was not necessarily racist. It featured in Blue Mink's song "melting pot" which was meant as an anti-racist song.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3_MfDYVKlg

bebows Sun 16-Mar-14 17:17:37

Maybe she reads mumsnet and "was just telling it like it was and sod off if you dont like it" or is that only allowed for some

GreenLandsOfHome Sun 16-Mar-14 17:24:28

She typically refers to people's colour which also drives me potty. <--- this seems a bit racist to me GreenLandsOfHome

It depends on context. There have been debates on here before where people get hugely offended by people referring to 'The black guy' at work or 'the Asian girl' at the end of the road.
I don't personally find that racist, or offensive, just descriptive.

So if referring to people's colour is meant as ^ that...it doesn't seem racist at all.

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