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To not want to share a bed with friends (or basically anyone other than DP)

(64 Posts)
Soyoureallythinkso Sat 15-Mar-14 21:07:13

When I was younger (a student and living in flat shares in my 20s) it was the done thing that when friends came to stay / when I went to stay with friends you would just share their bed. Also when I went away on holidays/weekends away friends would often share double beds to save money etc.

AIBU that I no longer want to share beds with friends? I recently went on a hen do where I was expected to share a bed for the weekend (had not been told this in advance - I would have been willing to pay more money for my own room if I had been warned in advance that I would be sharing a bed).

Also one of my friends still lives in flat shares (which I completely understand, not everyone can afford their own place esp. in London) and when I go to stay I have to share her bed which I just no longer feel so comfortable about. I totally appreciate she doesn't have a spare guest room, but I would rather sleep on the sofa or an inflatable bed in the living room than bed share. I just don't know how to say this without offending her. I would also be prepared to pay for a cheap B&B/Travelodge but again don't want to offend her.

Am I being a prude, or has anyone else grown out of feeling comfortable sharing a bed with friends? I am in my early 30s FWIW.

Bunbaker Sun 16-Mar-14 15:55:58

I have IBS and don't like sharing a bathroom with anyone.

blanchedeveraux Sun 16-Mar-14 15:54:41

We had a works do at Christmas that involved staying over at a hotel and I got stiffed with the loudest, drunkest, fartiest member of staff to share a room with. I didn't sleep a wink and she hogged the bathroom for hours in the morning and nearly broke the toilet with her, er, "emissions". Never, ever again. YANBU!!!!

rookiemater Sun 16-Mar-14 14:48:57

See if anyone had done that to me wilsonfrickett, probably even DH, they would get a massive karate chop and would be pushed out of bed. I'd do it instinctively as well. Some of us just like our space !

WilsonFrickett Sun 16-Mar-14 14:44:27

If there's another bed to be had I will take it, but I don't mind sharing with friends. I shared with a friend recently, she is co-sleeping with her son. In the middle of the night she rolled over, gave my tummy a little rub, kissed me on the side of my head and said, 'sssh now sleepy times' then rolled back over. grin bless her.

rookiemater Sun 16-Mar-14 14:34:42

That's awful thearticfunky so colleagues and their families are meant to act as some sort of B&B host for all workmates. Just ewww.

INeedSomeHelp Sun 16-Mar-14 12:50:11

A few years ago I was going to a work event and they wanted us all to share rooms. I got on ok with my colleagues but wouldn't have considered any of them to be friends.
I just refused point blank - I said that I didn't share my room at home with anyone so I didn't intend to start now. I got my own room grin

TheArticFunky Sun 16-Mar-14 12:42:50

I don't think that's acceptable raven. Sharing a room is bad enough but sharing a bed is not acceptable for a work event.

A Company I worked at introduced a policy where it was stipulated that you could only stay at a hotel if there were no colleagues with available beds in their houses. hmm I was often away Monday to Friday and there was no way that I was going to impose on a random colleague. I challenged the policy and the rules were relaxed.

SometimesLonely Sun 16-Mar-14 12:32:32

Why what, Stealth?

My parents looked disapproving because they knew about homosexuality but I didn't and it was frowned upon then and they obviously thought I was taking that route with my friend.

I was a lot older when I realised why they didn't want my friend to sleep in the same single bed as me. As far as I was concerned, it was just two friends having a night together, gossiping about other girls at school, complaining about French homework and wishing we didn't have Cricket so often.

StealthPolarBear Sun 16-Mar-14 10:57:49

Why sometimes? I actually don't get that

SometimesLonely Sun 16-Mar-14 09:10:52

I was 14 and shared a bedroom with my younger sister. A schoolfriend visited (still friends) and we decided that it would be a good idea if she were to sleep with me in my single bed. My parents took some persuading, looking at each other meaningfully when they first heard the idea. I had no idea why the idea was so bad yes, I was innocent of things like that. Three of us in the same bedroom ....

It was about 35 when I realised why my parents were not keen on the idea!

MrsSparkles Sun 16-Mar-14 08:22:05

YADNBU - I had similar, went on hen weekend and found I was to share a double bed with friend (no warning, would have paid more to be on my own). Even worse said friend came down with awful cold, so I had to sleep on the sofa (was v v much looking forward to a lie in as had 6 month old DD at the time).

I hate hate hate sharing beds.

patienceisvirtuous Sun 16-Mar-14 06:41:28

Again, with squoosh. I will happily bed down with most - friends, colleagues, my cousin, nieces, my mum.

If I stay over at my parents I sometimes go in their room on a morning and squeeze in beside them much to my dad's displeasure haha. I like a cuddle and gossip. I am 36 blush

ravenAK Sun 16-Mar-14 04:42:43

I hate it. I've been known to evade school trips because of the expectation that one cheerfully bunks in a not very large double bed in a Trevelodge with some random colleague.

The solution I've found is to organise the bloody trip, ensure that there's an odd number of women & bags the single room as trip leader's perk.

Even with actual longstanding mates, I'll do a room share if the others are gung ho for it, but if it's a double & a sofa my bag's on the sofa claiming it before the door shuts behind us...

UncleT Sun 16-Mar-14 04:27:41

Using the uncontrollable flatulence excuse is a great idea. It would definitely solve the issue for ever, though you'd probably also just never get invited anywhere ever again. smile smile

Dubjackeen Sun 16-Mar-14 00:34:01

YANBU. I go away from time to time with friends for a weekend. Own rooms all the way. I need my privacy and my sleep.

TheArticFunky Sun 16-Mar-14 00:24:51


People were surprised when I refused to share a room at a work event a few years ago. Those days are long gone. I spent my 20s sleeping in dorms and crashed out at friends flats but that isn't me anymore. I'm a middle aged mother I want privacy and my own space now.

Our parents generation wouldn't have entertained the idea when they were our age but our generation are expected to be forever young.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Sat 15-Mar-14 23:59:23

Will only share with H Or DCs.
yanbu at all
but each to their own and all that
but no one should just assume either

notapizzaeater Sat 15-Mar-14 23:53:48

Not bothered as long as they are the same sex and I know them it doesn't bother me (I'm 47)!

throwinshapes Sat 15-Mar-14 23:46:32

I'm with squoosh. Will, and do, bed down happily with my oldest friends, male and female alike. (On the odd nights child-free).
But again, always after a belly full of beer.
I'm 44 at the end of the month smile

WorrySighWorrySigh Sat 15-Mar-14 23:37:15

Oh thank god for that, I'm not the only one!

StealthPolarBear Sat 15-Mar-14 23:06:40

Pmsl at shouting at david cameron in your sleep.
though at first read I missed the 'at' and thougbt yiu were very brave to admit your fantasies

Bunbaker Sat 15-Mar-14 23:00:57

I decline work dos because they make us share rooms (not beds thank goodness). I hate sharing with other people except for OH and DD and would rather not go somewhere than share a room with someone I don't know very well. Or I will not drink and just have a long drive home so I can sleep in my own bed.

I'd be very uncomfortable bed sharing with anyone but DH and my kids - despite being nearly 39 and not in great shape I'd sleep on the floor or in an arm chair before I'd bed share (and I'd sit up drinking coffee all night befote I'd bed - or even room - share with my mother), and I'd rather sleep alone in an unsuitably furnished room than share a room... tbh I'd stsy home if I knew I couldn't have a bit of space to sleep. YANBU

CannyBagOfTudor Sat 15-Mar-14 22:56:06


I visited my friend in the States quite a few years ago now and we made a 2 night trip to NY with her friend and her friend's fiance.

The hotel's in NY were a bit beyond our means so we ended up sharing ONE room with 2 double beds.

I had to share the bed with my friend and the room with 2 random strangers.

I think the pressure must have got to me, as I apparently sat up in bed in my sleep and started shouting all sorts of crap.

Not at all embarassing!

Ilikepancakes Sat 15-Mar-14 22:53:18

YANBU. When I was younger I would happily bed-share with friends but now (late 20s) I like my own space and it effects my quality of sleep having a friend in my bed (obviously don't mind DP). I put up with it on hen weekends when we rent a cottage or house etc. but at hotels I ask to pay extra for my own room.

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