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Unpaid meal

(29 Posts)
Rugbycomet Sat 15-Mar-14 12:07:41

More of a WWYD .....

About two months ago I organised a meal for a large group of people of various ages. It became so large that we all had to preorder our food and everyone was aware that if they didn't or couldn't go in the end, then they would have to pay for the meal they had ordered. Unfortunately this was the case for one young lady. I told her that I would pay for her and gave her my bank details to refund me. She was fine with this and upset she couldn't go due to an unforeseen work commitment. The following day I received a message saying she had done the transfer to my bank. I left it a few days and said that the money hadn't come through. She responded immediately being very apologetic and that she would speak to her bank.

Since then, we have sent a couple of emails to each other and she is genuinely sorry about the money not getting there and says she will sort it out. I believe her totally but just to add that she can be a bit flighty and ditsy sometimes.

I am at the point of thinking, oh well, it's not a great deal of money (£40) but my daughter was there too and I made it clear to my dd that I would not be paying for her meal as I have done so very many times in the past. This was not an issue and dd understood. However, I feel that because I didn't pay for my daughter, why in effect if I was to let this debt go, should I theoretically be paying for this other young lady's food IYSWIM. I have got to the point of feeling embarrassed about emailing again and asking for the money.


Thanks in advance.

VodkaJelly Sat 15-Mar-14 12:10:17

Keep asking her - daily if you have to

Rugbycomet Sat 15-Mar-14 12:14:24

Forgot to add that we don't live in the same country and so it's not like I see her all the time.

GandalfsBeard Sat 15-Mar-14 12:14:42

Instead of transferring to your bank, how about asking her to send you a cheque in the post?
And I agree with Vodka, ask everyday so that she knows you won't be letting it go.

MortaIWombat Sat 15-Mar-14 12:16:11

She is hoping you'll get too embarrassed to ask - and she'll have copped �40's worth of free meal.

Call the bitch on it.

MortaIWombat Sat 15-Mar-14 12:17:38

Oops - obviously not! But she still wants you to cover her absence.
Nice try, lady, sez you.

Vinomcstephens Sat 15-Mar-14 12:18:38

Completely agree with Vodka - email her every single day! She's got a brass neck to try and wriggle out of this (£4 you can let go, £40 you bloody get back!) so email, email email! I get so cross about things like this - can I email her on your behalf?!

wonderingsoul Sat 15-Mar-14 12:22:07

£40 is alot. how ever if she is in a different country it can take up to 7 working days for it to get into your bank. ask her for the reciet or screen shot of it being paid into your account.

Rugbycomet Sat 15-Mar-14 12:26:51

Good idea GandalfsBeard. I hadn't thought about asking for a cheque!

Thanks for all your thoughts on this. I thought I was becoming a very mean person and am glad to know that you all wouldn't let it go either.

Botanicbaby Sat 15-Mar-14 12:31:05

Ask her to send a cheque or transfer by bank.

Keep asking if neither forthcoming. Be polite, firm but not apologetic or embarrassed for asking. Keep asking until she coughs up.

Don't let it slide. If she's a very good friend and still hasn't paid up after a month, be prepared to drop her from your life. People who are 'ditsy' are often conveniently like that when it's other people's money at stake.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Sat 15-Mar-14 12:31:54

I wouldn't let it go. If there was a problem with the payment though I doubt there was she should pay you asap and chase it up herself

Do you have a PayPal account? That might be an easier way to get the money

expatinscotland Sat 15-Mar-14 12:33:59

She's a pisstaking chancer. Nag her ass daily for a cheque or PayPal. Over and over.

OldBagWantsNewBag Sat 15-Mar-14 12:42:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HermioneWeasley Sat 15-Mar-14 14:14:53

She should be embarrassed that you are having to keep asking! These people rely on you being embarrassed when they should be. I bet she's rationalised it as she shouldn't have to pay because she wasn't there, or that you can afford it. Screw that!

oldgrandmama Sat 15-Mar-14 14:23:00

Oh yes, I've come across people like that ... they think that eventually, they'll wear you down and you'll give up and stop asking for what they owe you. Don't give up, OP, keep up the pressure.

FoxesRevenge Sat 15-Mar-14 14:45:53

Paypal is the way to go. Quick, easy and no waiting around like you would with a bank. You have her email address already so you can send her a payment request. If she doesn't pay then you know she's taking the piss. Plus, she can't use the excuse she doesn't have a Paypal account because you're the one sending the request, not her.

Rugbycomet Sat 15-Mar-14 14:46:26

I've sent her an email asking for a cheque but I only have her work one so she won't get it until Monday......we'll see.....

Prettykitty111 Sat 15-Mar-14 15:04:29

Hi I've had this before and the person paid me, the money left their account but never made it into mine. My bank had put a stop on it and kept itin a holding account. It took three months to get it but the other person had done all they could. Ask her to send a screen shot of the payment on her computer (blocking all account details) and then take it into your bank to see if they have it on hold.

RedFocus Sat 15-Mar-14 15:13:43

An ex friend did this to me. I paid for her night out because she forgot her debit card. I took out £100 for her and she only spent £40 during the evening. She went home with what was left and that was fair enough. On the Monday she was meant to pay me back but her husband took and picked up the kids from school so I didn't see her, this went on all week. In the end I went round and asked for it. She tried to fob me off again but I insisted. She eventually gave me £40 and tried to convince me that she had given me the change back on the night out. I was not drinking as I was driving so I remember clearly she took the money home. Her husband actually stepped in and gave me the rest I was owed!
I later found out she had spent the change the next day on a new pair of jeans and stupidly boasted to one of our friends that I was paying for them shock (cheeky bloody mare!) Our mate thought she was kidding but when I mentioned the hassle I had she told me. I don't think anyone from our group keeps in contact with her because they've all had similar problems with her.
I know it's not the same op but don't let it go. Ask every day if you have to. I hope you get the money back.

quietbatperson Sat 15-Mar-14 15:13:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rugbycomet Sat 15-Mar-14 15:27:03

I don't mean to drip feed but she works in a bank but I do not know in what capacity. She has no internet banking, so she says and was going to set that up as initially she did the transfer manually. She is 22 if age makes any difference.

I will wait and see if I hear anything next week......

GlaikitFizzog Sat 15-Mar-14 15:35:40

She will still have a reference from manual payment. Get her to ask for the SWIFT message from her bank (I am assuming she is abroad by you saying different countries) when she gives you that pass it to your bank and they can trace it back the way.

If you mean differ t countries like Scotland and Wales, SWIFT message will be I available but the bank should be able to trace it. Start by speaking to your bank to see if it's in a holding account. They will initally say no, ask to be pout through to the transactional team as CS won't have access to the information you need.

I would be doubting the existence of any transaction being made tbh though.

Mushypeasandchipstogo Sat 15-Mar-14 15:41:50

I agree, keep on asking her. DON'T take any excuse that she will throw at you. It really annoys me when people think it is fine for you to foot their bill and seem to think that it OK if they don't stump up the cash. I have had this happen to me on more than one occasion.

Rugbycomet Wed 19-Mar-14 09:58:02

Just to update.....she's paid!!! It went into my bank account yesterday!!!

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot Wed 19-Mar-14 10:02:32

Glad you got it back, £40 is a sizable amount of money.

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